The Good Year

Midwives love what they call “butter births.” A butter birth is a short easy one in which the baby slides out like butter with no complications.  The mother doesn’t bleed much, or tear, her placenta comes in a timely manner, and the baby nurses happily.  In a couple of hours the family settles down to sleep, the midwives go home to their warm beds, and all is well.

Mothers and midwives both love butter births.

The thing about butter births, is that they after a while, they all blend together in the midwife's memory.  Quite often these will be the births in which while the family may be appreciative, they may not feel particularly bonded to the midwife, or in some cases, after a few years, even remember her name.

Unlike the hard births. The long ones.  The challenging ones. The ones that go on and on for days. The ones where the mother looks into your eyes with a desperate crazed look and begs for relief.  The ones where you feel each contraction along with the mother, and breathe each breath in and out with her.

Those are the births where you take your strength and lend it to the mother, both figuratively and literally, holding her mind up with your words, and her body up with your arms.   These are the births where the mother searches your face and listens carefully to the tone of your voice to see if you really believe in her and if everything really is okay.

Those are the births that drain you as a midwife of your own life force until you too begin to wonder, will it ever end?

But it always does end, one way or another.  Often, according to plan, in a home or birthing center, triumphant at last the baby will emerge accompanied by relieved tears and laughter.  Sometimes, a trip to the hospital is needed.   Once in a while, there at the hospital, surgery is also needed.  But the baby always comes.

And through it all, the mother needs her midwife.   And the harder the birth, the more she needs her midwife at her side, before, during and after. 

In 2017, I was in the hospital 14 times with clients, a record for me.  (Most years it is 2 or 3 times at most, and some years I haven't had to go at all.) Half of these women were transferred to the hospital before labor even started for various necessary reasons, and one of those had planned a hospital birth from the beginning of her pregnancy with me as labor support.  In another situation a two day old baby needed to go, and in another a lady changed her home birth plans at the last minute and decided she wanted a hospital birth with pain relief.  Only four of these transfers to the hospital occurred in active labor, and two of those were ambulance ride emergencies. 

Of the many deliveries that did take place at home and birth center, I had five that took over 24 hours and involved some special challenges.

It’s not what midwives generally consider a good year. However in each and every situation as the level of complication or challenge went up, the women’s need for support also went up. 

Those are the births I will never forget, and where I know I will also not be forgotten. For these are the women who truly needed a midwife, a strong friend at their side, far more than those who had the coveted “butter births.”  Those are the women for whom my presence totally changed the outcome or the experience or both.  Those are the births that cost me the most personally, but also the ones at which I made the greatest positive difference.

And knowing that I as a midwife made that positive difference to so many who needed it most, in the end, is what made 2017 a truly good year.

(For a G-rated video of this experience I share with my families, here is one of the over 24 hour home births I attended this year.  The Birth of Matthias.)