Friday, October 14, 2016

A Letter to Dr. James Dobson



Dear Dr Dobson,

You don’t know me.  But I am one of millions that you have influenced.  I always looked up to you, and you, through your books, gave me advice that may have saved my life.  I’ll tell you more about that later.

My mother read your books too and all your early titles were a part of our family library.  I listened to Focus on the Family growing up.  Your organization was our family's and our faith community’s favorite resource- your voice was trusted and familiar when we heard it on the radio, year after year.  In a way, your strong kind voice was a substitute for the dad I never really had.

Then I got married.  And some things went very wrong, and I didn’t know why, and I couldn’t talk about it to the people around me.  I eventually found out why- my husband was addicted to pornography.  But we were in full time ministry and he was in leadership, and there was no one who would believe me, or be on my side.  So, I turned to who I knew I could trust- Focus on the Family.  You were the only Christian voice I had ever heard that was regularly open and passionate and clear about the dangerous of pornography- so I knew I could turn to your organization for help and I wouldn’t be blown off nor my situation minimized.

And Focus on the Family had resources for me.  Referrals to counselors and support groups to help me know what to do now that I had found out my husband had been viewing pornography.   Books to read to help me understand, like, An Affair of the Mind.  And one very important one, written by you personally –Love Must be Tough. I ordered them and read them through my tears.

Due to a horrible coincidence of my dad dying unexpectedly, I had a few days away from my husband soon after I found out the truth that he was a sexual addict.  I took a week to cry, read books,find out as much as I could, pray, get advice, and try to figure out what to do.  In your book Love Must Be Tough, I found many of the answers I needed.  It was the first place I read such clear advice such as, if you husband has an affair and you want to forgive him and stay in the marriage, tell him you will only do it once, and if he ever does it again, you are getting a divorce.  And then be willing to do it.  You made it clear that he couldn’t be given a free pass to keep cheating with no consequences.  Your book also said it was always okay to leave if I wasn't safe.

I desperately needed to hear that. Your book may have actually saved my life, because it helped me see right and wrong more clearly and not compromise so I was eventually able to get out of a dangerous situation.

You see, Dr. Dobson, no one else at the time in the Christian community was speaking out that strongly against pornography, or discussing affairs and abuse and how to handle these things.  All the Christian around me were minimizing what my husband had done, and emphasizing that I must forgive him.  Everyone was saying it was in the past, and I should think of the future of our marriage and our kids.  Everyone but you. You didn’t pull any punches.  Your writings and advice were pro-marriage, but not at any cost, and you did not advocate wives staying in abusive relationships- a radical deviation from the advice I got from most Christians.

You didn’t over spiritualize the way many Christians did.  You were the one who interviewed the serial murderer and rapist Ted Bundy on death row who said that looking at pornography was the gateway to all of his violent crimes.  It was this interview that fueled your crusade against pornography and you called it what it was- dangerous.  Not something all men looked at in locker rooms and kept under their beds.  No boys will be boys or men will be men excuses from you.  Your uncompromising stand gave both me and women like me hope and strength to stand up as well.

Dr. Dobson, after battling all your life against the evil of pornography, after your clarion call to America that pornography destroys intimacy, marriages, families and souls, are you going to vote for a man who (among many other moral failures) has a lifetime of openly participating in this kind evil and promoting it? 

You, who were on the Attorney General's Commission on Pornography in the 1980s and were part of publishing a 1,960 page report on every aspect of this evil and its effect on our culture?


Trump opened the country's first in-casino strip club inside Trump Taj Mahal (where no doubt many things happened that destroyed many families). Trump gave interviews for Playboy magazine and actually stared as himself in a porn film. Trump said of the owner of Playboy: “Hugh Hefner really understood the art of using mass media, better than anybody else of his generation. He did something that really has been done very rarely — he made himself the company, in terms of his image. And it's been a huge asset for Playboy. It's really become such an amazing brand."

This is not the kind of man you usually support. 

In 2008 you went on record and said you wouldn’t vote for Republican John McCain as a matter of conscious. Your reasons?  Among others you said adultery, ethics, violent temper, profane behavior, and his acceptance of gambling and alcohol money.

Here is what you said then, “The Senator is being touted by the media as a man of principle, yet he was involved with other women while married to his first wife, and was implicated in the so-called Keating scandal with four other senators.  He was eventually reprimanded by the Congress for the ‘appearance of impropriety.’ The Senator reportedly has a violent temper and can be extremely confrontational and profane when angry.  These red flags about Senator McCain’s character are reminiscent of the man who now occupies the White House.”

Dr. Dobson, you felt pretty strongly about McCain’s character and you weren’t afraid to say so and apparently to abstain from voting even though he was the Republican Party candidate. There were some similarities to the current election. In spite of his short comings, McCain was pro-life, and Obama wasn’t.  But in that election you didn’t say of McCain, “these are misdeeds in his past” or “let him who is without sin cast the first stone,” You didn’t suggest we should forgive McCain for the sake of our party getting into the White House and for the sake of our important pro-life cause, or the future of our country.

(Actually, I find out, you more or less did.  Other readers, see correction footnote at the end of the blog.)

So let’s hold Trump up to this same standard you held McCain. Trump also committed adultery with other women while married to his previous two wives. Trump also “reportedly has a violent temper and can be extremely confrontational and profane when angry” – we have seen many examples of this during his campaign alone, not even counting previous to that.  You said just a couple of days ago, "To my knowledge, Donald Trump has never abused women physically or had oral sex in the Oval Office with a vulnerable intern.”

Well, he hasn’t gotten to the oval office yet, but he’s obviously exactly the kind of man would who abuse women physically and have oral sex or some other kind of sex with a vulnerable intern when he does get there- or maybe he would “just” grab her genitals and try to kiss her.  This is a man who has publicly bragged about his sex life for years on the radio with air trash talk with radio shock jock Howard Stern:

“You could’ve gotten her, right?” Stern asked Trump on-air shortly after Princess Diana’s death in 1997. “You could’ve nailed her.”
“I think I could have,” Trump said.
How about singer Mariah Carey? “Would you bang her?” Stern asked. Trump replied, “I would do it without hesitation.”

Or maybe you prefer to believe what Trump said that time when Stern asked him,

“Is oral sex important to you? Man to man, and I’ve had this discussion with many men.”
Trump: “No, it’s not important to me.”

We have on tape evidence that he is a sexual predator and that he forces unwilling women to accept his advances. And many women continue to come forward confirming this is a regular pattern, and behavior not just talk. 

Dr. Dobson, you are the one who taught me through your radio shows and writings on marriage not to naively believe empty words, nor promises, but to look for changed behavior before trust is given.  

I don’t see the changed behavior.  I see no evidence that Trump is any different than the man who did all these things consistently for most of his life.  And isn’t it pretty logical to look carefully at the whole history of a person before electing them?  Why does Trump get the “forgive and forget” pass when it has never been issued before by us conservatives?  What else can we use to make a determination on what a person will do in the future, except his personal history?
   
If you could abstain from voting in a previous election because you felt there were no good choices, it seems to me you could do it again, and I would be so bold as to suggest it is even truer now than it was then.

(Or you could flip-flop, see update.)

And Dr. Dobson, with all due respect, you did take the Bible out of context.  You said, "I do not condone nor defend Donald Trump's terrible comments made 11 years ago. They are indefensible and awful. I'm sure there are other misdeeds in his past, although as Jesus said, 'Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.' "

In the scripture you referenced, (John 8) Jesus was not defending from stones a man like Trump who had forced himself upon women and made statements just one year ago that he had never asked God for forgiveness.  He was defending a woman on her face in the dirt in shame and repentance before Him, who was a victim OF men like Trump who had thrown her there and were attacking her out of their own self-righteousness and political agendas.

And once more for the record, Dr. Dobson, they are not just comments. They represent a lifetime of behavior.  

You used to be a defender, Dr. Dobson. You defended women like me and families like mine and said that pornography and immorality would destroy us, and we could take a stand against it, and not tolerate it in any form.  You defended women like me and said we deserved to be treated with respect and dignity.

But now you are willing to put a man in the White House who has spent a lifetime not just looking at pornography and practicing immorality but promoting it, who repeatedly brags about “banging women”, repeatedly brags about how many women he has slept with, repeatedly brags about sex outside of marriage, and even brags about being a sexual predator.  He rates women’s value by the size of their body parts. He says pumping breastmilk is disgusting and pregnancy is inconvenient to employers.   

In short, he has spent his entire lifetime trampling on the family values you have fought for Dr. Dobson, and he has done it consistently, openly and unapologetically.

Dr. Dobson, you are now aligning yourself with a man who victimizes instead speaking up for his victims.  By your vote, you are supporting the very behaviors that caused me immeasurable pain and ultimately, the destruction of my family.  It feels to me like you have switched sides, and now are part of a political system that considers women and their pain collateral damage to a bigger agenda.

Dr. Dobson, I’m challenging you- would you trust your daughter Danae in an elevator alone with Mr. Trump?  If not, then how can you send him to the White House where he will have that kind of access and power over many, many women in that situation?  Can you look them in the eye?


How about you, Dr. Dobson?  Can you vote for Trump and look your wife and daughter and all of us in the eye?  How about the victims of sexual violence?  And the victims of pornography?

I can’t tell you how disappointed many of us are that you didn’t stand up for women this time. You threw us all under the bus for the sake of a candidate who pays lip service to being pro-life (though he was pro-choice not long ago) and might possibly make better nominations to the Supreme Court. His lack of morals and any victims of that immorality are just collateral damage to a more important agenda - "the future of this nation."

It’s as if you personally are standing there, watching Trump grope all of us and grab our body parts and try to force himself on us and you turn a blind eye and pretend you don’t see because what really matters is that he agreed to vote pro-life and appoint a conservative Supreme Court justice and because Hillary is evil.

That’s how it feels as a woman to hear men say after we are humiliated, assaulted, raped or cheated on, “Sure that was awful what he did, but there are worse things, and anyway we should forgive because we are Christians,” (And I’m not the only one to feel that way, apparently Beth Moore does too.)

This is the message you personally are sending the every single victim of sexual violence when as a Christian leader you support Trump instead of condemning him- that what happened to them isn’t that bad.  We don’t hear you sending the message that Hillary is worse and the future of our country is at stake.  We hear the message that being a sexual predator doesn’t disqualify a man from being president… that what happened to us isn’t criminal, just “terrible.”  

What about being “pro-life” for our lives?  What about justice for us?  What about the evil of minimizing this kind of treatment of women?  What about our future and the future of our daughters in a country where the president has set an example that insulting, exploiting, harassing and assaulting women is okay?  Isn't that a threat to the future of this nation as well?

Because make no mistake, Dr. Dobson, when you can listen to that tape that was released, when you can read all these things I’ve mentioned about the way Trump treats women, talks about women, disrespects women, and sexually assaults women, and say you will still vote for him, you ARE minimizing and condoning this behavior.   You can say all you like that his comments are “indefensible and awful”, but apparently they- and the behavior they described- aren’t bad enough to withhold a vote when something “bigger” is at stake.

Furthermore the way a man treats women says a lot about his character in other areas Dr. Dobson, and I think you know that.  The editorial in the Deseret newspaper said it well.  “What oozes from this audio is evil. We hear a married man give smooth, smug and self-congratulatory permission to his intense impulses, allowing them to outweigh the most modest sense of decency, fidelity and commitment. And although it speaks volumes about sexual morality, it goes to the heart of all ethical behavior. Trump’s banter belies a willingness to use and discard other human beings at will. That characteristic is the essence of a despot.”

I suspect you may find what you lost with this endorsement is much greater than what you gained, for you have lost your reputation as a man of discernment and character and consistency who champions family values without agenda and who stands up against injustice.

You said in 2010, “We are in a moral decline of shocking dimensions. I have asked myself how I can I sit and watch the world go by without trying to help if I can. That is what motivates me at this time.”

I wish you had just watched; it would have been better than this.
We are indeed in a moral decline when you, James Dobson, the champion of family values are voting for a candidate who has no family values or morals at all. For me, this is one of the greatest losses of the election so far.  I expected nothing from Trump, but that he would be who he has always been. 

But I expected that you would do the same, Dr. Dobson- that you would be who you had always been- a man who stands up for values- and stands up for us. 

I was wrong.


10/15/16 Update:

One of my more politically astute friends pointed something out to me that bears updating.

The quote I posted about Dr. Dobson not voting for John McCain was originally spoken early in 2000 and he stuck to that for quite a while saying he would not vote for McCain under any circumstances. But in August of 2006 Dr. Dobson actually changed his mind and decided to come out in support of McCain  “If flip-flopping is a sin, then I am a sinner," he said.

On the one hand, it now makes sense why it was easier for Dr. Dobson to support Trump in this election, another immoral man he doesn't approve of. On the other hand, it gives me real hope that once again, Dr. Dobson might consider "flip-flopping", only this time the other way.  He is obviously willing to change a public position when convicted to do so.

What about it, Dr. Dobson?  How about flip-flopping on your support of Trump and sending a message that you do care about how women are treated?  You wouldn't be the only Christian leader to honorably flip-flop. Wayne Grudem, prominent evangelical theologian, recently did just that.  

Your position in supporting Trump has added much ammunition to the lie that Christians don't really care about values or women, just power.

Would you like to prove them wrong?  

122 comments:

  1. Thank you, Roxanne, for writing this and writing it so well. The number of Christian leaders and men that have thrown the "we must forgive" line around has appalled and shocked me. As someone who has been hurt by men like Trump, it is a very isolating feeling to see so many people continue to support him, even after this last deeper revelation of his character. I, too, was particularly upset by Dr. Dobson's response. It isn't right.

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  2. Your post is excellent. Thank you for sharing your personal story and showing the hypocrisy that is shaming the evangelicalism.

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  3. Amen, Sister. Amen.

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    1. Unfortunately Dr. Dobson isn't the only one who has publicly stated they support Trump. What ever it cost to give up your stand with Christ is definitely not worth it. The songwriter stated "Only what you do for Christ will last." And I'm a firm believer in following you as you follow Christ. Thank you Mr. Dobson for showing us your true self.

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  4. On behalf of myself, as a Christ-following man, I am so sorry. I am sorry that people you should be able to trust have betrayed you. I can only give you my word that I will not tolerate the actions and the words we have seen from Trump in myself or in other men. I will speak up for you, my wife, my daughters and women in general. And, rest assured, I will not justify or downplay Trumps words and actions, nor will I vote for him. Once again, I am so very sorry.

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    1. Thanks Daryl, that means a lot, especially as almost exclusively women have chimed in with the "Amens" on my post.

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    2. Great stuff Roxanne!! I wrote a similar one! 😊 If you're interested, the link is below.

      https://jamiefrancis.org/2016/10/12/an-open-letter-to-james-dobson-and-any-christians-who-still-plan-to-vote-for-trump/

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    3. Sadly, I found a fundamental flaw in Dr. Dobson's thinking 16 years ago when I utilised his advice to abused women to STAY in the situation and pray as an example of how a pastor should NOT crisis intervene a situation of domestic violence, which was the subject of my Master's degree. I'm so sorry that you have this sadness now. But in my experience, many good and decent church leaders have at least one flaw that the devil has managed to insert for the negative witness of the Church. Have courage. Take the good and leave the bad and put this down to experience. Of courst this does mean that neither Trump nor Dr. Dobson are able to facilitate the church or the world as a place of refuge because they lack insite. Blessings and courage for your sensitive discernment. Dr. Marion Duncan

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    4. There is no man dooes good and sins not. Are we as Christians not afraid to judge somone else what ever happen to forgive those who sin against us. This is found in the Lord's prayer (Mt.6-9. I am outraged at the self-righteous attitude of these people. May I remind you that King David the man that God said was after my own heart committed Adultery and was responsible for having Uriah killed in Battle

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    5. Do keep in mind that the reason David was a man after God's own heart is that when he was confronted by the prophet Nathan with adultery and murder (II Samuel 12) his response was, "I sinned against the Lord" - and then he penned Psalm 51: Have mercy upon me, O God,
      According to Your lovingkindness;
      According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
      Blot out my transgressions.
      2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
      And cleanse me from my sin.
      3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
      And my sin is always before me.
      4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
      And done this evil in Your sight—
      That You may be found just when You speak,[a]
      And blameless when You judge.
      5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
      And in sin my mother conceived me.
      6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
      And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
      7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
      Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
      8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
      That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
      9 Hide Your face from my sins,
      And blot out all my iniquities.
      10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
      And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
      11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
      And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
      12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
      And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
      13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
      And sinners shall be converted to You.

      I'm sure I need not point out that this is not Trump's response, nor these are not the kind of words coming from his mouth, so your argument doesn't apply.

      As Christians we are called to forgive but not to be naive.

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    6. But, he was just that " a man after God's own heart" who asked God to purge him with hissop and he truly repented. Not judging Trump but simply inspecting his fruit.

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  5. Wow. I'm speechless. That is the most excellent piece. Bless you and your faith that has seen you through such things. I totally identify with you and feel the same things. You just articulated them so well. I am so disappointed in the leaders of the Church. Instead of standing in the holiness of God, they not only have gotten into the mud of sin, but are encouraging the rest of us to jump in as well!! Paul has a dire warning about that in Romans. Anyway, thank you for saying what many of us are feeling.

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  6. This letter made me cry. Thank you for saying everything I've had on my mind and heart and wanted to say. Everytime I say anything I get pounded with insults. How can you be a christian and still be for this man. So disappointed in all these men of God who are supporting Trump. My question to them is where do you draw a line in the sand, what is to far for him to go before you say it's to much. I drew the line a long time ago. So disappointed in this country.

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  7. I have no "personal" knowledge of Donald Trump--only what I hear on TV and read on social media.....I do not condone in any way that he has allegedly done but I still believe that if Hillary Clinton wins this election America will pay a price so high they will regret it beyohd words......Millions upon millions more unborn babies will be slaughtered, socialism will predominate the country--religious freedoms will be massacred.....on an on---& what about ISIS---In all of this there is no easy decision but look at the "platform" of the 2 candidates.....They are totally opposite to one another......God help America!!!

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    1. I am also concerned for the lives of the unborn, however as Trump was pro-abortion until just recently, I am not convinced that voting for him will save lives.

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    2. No fewer babies will be murdered if the Pro Choice Trump is eleceted. I have held.my nose and voted for some pretty foul Republican candidates over the years but none as openly hostile towards Christians and God as Trump. I will not support this man. I will not support lies, cheating, and sexual assault. Obviously this means I'm also not voting for Clinton.

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  8. This is good! I made it three paragraphs in before writing my own rant. Ha! That's the sign of a good piece. Keep up the great work! ;)

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  9. Heartfelt words! I'm sorry for what you have gone through and that your hero Dr. Dobson has let you down. I would just ask you to consider that we are all human, we all sin and err, from the "greatest" to the worst. Go ahead, judge as you feel you must. But I think this is a time when we are called to look to a hero Who does not sin. Who does not err. Someone who has not only the right, but He will judge each and every one of us, our King Lord Jesus Christ! Yes these are indeed perilous times, grievous times, evil all around us. How can we make decisions in a time like this? Well I say leave Dr. Dobson out of it for a minute. And I won't ask you "what would Jesus do?" But as we will all stand before the mercy seat in judgment of everything we have ever said or done, I just ask you this question: Will we be judged more harshly for eternity for voting for a morally bereft ego-maniac, but someone who has promised to defend Israel, to defend life, to protect America, etc., or vote for someone who has promised that babies willed be killed at any time for any reason, and that public money will be used to pay for it (your and my money killing babies!). Also someone who abhors the sanctity of marriage, who hates the morality of the Bible and has said that Christians will just have to change the rules, the Ten Commandments. Also, someone so corrupt that they are funded by the enemies of America and surrounded by staff whose religion calls to murder the infidels (all non-muslims). Also someone who allowed the murder of American ambassadors and will further deplete our ability to defend ourselves through the military. Also someone who is an unconscionable liar and believes they are above the law.

    So I ask you, if you do not vote for the only option to prevent the ground crying out from the addition to 58 million and counting dead babies (and ambassadors) will you be held more accountable than if you vote for a philanderer?

    Its a pretty important question. It is much more complex and important that slandering a good man. Perhaps if you could see this question through Dobsons eyes or Jesus's eyes. There is grief and crying no matter what you do. But just be prepared to pay the consequences for eternity.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts. Just want to clarify, James Dobson was never my hero, but simply a well know leader for many years that spoke for conservatives and had a good track record. I agree, Jesus alone is our hero, and the only only one who will never let us down. Also, for the record the definition of slander is "make false and damaging statements about someone." I have been careful to quote James Dobson correctly and to give my opinion respectfully about what he actually said and did. Nothing I said is false. However it is my opinion and my feelings and of course people are free to agree or disagree, including Dr Dobson himself.

      As to voting - I will not vote for Hillary, nor is my blog an indirect endorsement of her as an alternative to Trump. I share your passion for the sanctity of life and for that reason cannot vote for her. But neither can I trust Trump to do as he has promised were he elected for the reasons I have stated along with the fact that he has a long track record of changing his position frequently and of lying.

      I also agree with you that we will be accountable for everything we do before God, and that is always good to keep in mind.

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    2. Here's a thought provoking perspective. Did you know that abortions have dropped to their lowest level in many years under Obama? Why? Because of better services to support poor women, health care, etc. Please read this and consider the implications:
      http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/

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  10. I grew up listening to James Dobson also. This whole election has everyone 'jumping the moral ship' and making excuses for sin. Also, if you have noticed, over the last 15 years, that the churches only speak of Jesus' love and acceptance and that everyone is going to heaven. This gives everyone an excuse to continue in sin. There has been no teaching of God's real Word and obedience. Everyone is afraid that they are 'works'and that we are not to judge. But God said if you do not have the fruit, you will not be saved. We can see that people do not have the fruit. This is not judging. Only God can be the final judge. That doesn't mean we can't test the fruit and choose the right people to encircle ourselves with and in this case, choose whether or not to vote for them.

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  11. As much as I believe what you wrote is right I would also say that from what I read Dr Dodson claims Trump has accepted Christ as his Savior. If he has done this then shouldn't we be encouraging Trump to walk in the power of the spirit. Not forgetting that in the eyes of God he is now numbered with the saints and hiss sins are forgiven. I believe that's what Dr Dodson was trying to express. I don't believe he has justified Trumps past but is believing God for a brighter future. I also believe that his confidence is based in a conviction regarding the authenticity of Trumps repentance. The things that are being brought up are fairly old so maybe. Just maybe there is a change of heart. Thank you for your article.

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    1. I have seen ZERO evidence of a convicted sinner repenting in Mr. Trump. Instead I see increased nastiness, hostility, dishonesty, pride, etc. Of course, whether he is a believer is between him and God but I have seen no evidence.

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    2. Just a year ago Trump said he's never asked God for forgiveness. Just this summer he couldn't identify ONE verse from the bible when asked if he had a favorite, and called 2nd Corinthians "Two Corinthians". We're willing to stretch all imagination to hope upon hope that he's accepted Christ to justify voting for the man we'll hope he'll become.

      Yet he is running against a woman who when put on the spot about her faith in a town hall meeting had these words to say:

      http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2016/01/25/hillary-clinton-gets-personal-on-christ-and-her-faith/

      Read it. It's probably a better answer than many could give. Is it perfect, no. But she clearly has a solid background and understanding of what is in the bible. Now go read it again and imagine Trump saying it. You can't. It's impossible. You can't possibly imagine him expounding on why the Sermon on the Mount is so important. Actually you can't even imagine he knows what that is.

      We have one candidate who can clearly and effectively and unabashedly verbalize her faith in God, yet we claim she's fake because she supports abortion. We have another candidate who can clearly and effectively verbalize his support for every sin under the sun, yet we claim he is a Christian because he used to support abortion but know might be against it.

      It's ridiculous.

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    3. Well said, very well said

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    4. Satan knows what the Bible says...

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  12. This is so spot-on. Amen and thank you for posting. Sharing everywhere I can.

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  13. This is absolutely spot on. Thank you.

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  14. Wow. So eloquently and beautifully stated. Thank you for your wise and measured voice.

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  15. I don't get it. For what he did for you, how did you thank him? This? For what he did for your family, where's the blog thanking him? It's easy to judge and come to the conclusion that he didn't stand with women. Dr. Dobson already said his endorsement of Trump was because of “my great concern about Hillary Clinton.” “Clinton and his wife disrespect the Constitution of the United States, although Trump has promised to protect it, especially the First Amendment." “I am, however, more concerned about America’s future than Donald Trump’s past." The man has his reasons, and that wasn't to put women down. And you just go & assassinate his character.

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    1. It's okay, you don't have to get it. I understand not everyone will.

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    2. How about if these "Christian leaders" had stood against Trump instead of with him when he was running for the Republican nomination? What was their immoral excuse then? Do we throw away the bible out of a blind hatred for Clinton. Maybe,just maybe we should vote for a candidate who hasn't openly mocked christians. Maybe that would be a way of not throwing our votes away.

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    3. Exactly! Moral relativism will be (is now) our undoing. When there actually was opportunity to support/endorse others with a track record of decency, Donald Trump garnered so much "evangelical" support it was sickening. Those who stood against him on moral grounds were mocked for standing on principle. If we ignore those principles, how do we ever expect to "make America great" again? We take a great leap if we think we can find God's favor by ignoring His standards. One last thing, how is it my fault that Hillary is elected if I choose not to vote for Trump?

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    4. Perhaps this follow up blog will help you "get it", Daniel: http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2016/10/it-was-really-about-women-not-trump-or.html

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  16. I hope Dobson reads this. His book "Bringing Up Boys" changed my life. It has helped me raise my son, helped me make the decision to homeschool him, and helped me understand men better...or so I thought. I guess I am still very confused about how Christian "men" have been defending Trump and attacking conservative Christian women like me that can't endorse a proud and perverted man like Trump. I've been told by Christian men to "judge not," yet somehow, they don't quote "judge not" when I bring up Hillary's past.

    Maybe God is preparing us to learn to only trust Him. It is getting to the point where I can barely trust any man other than my elderly dad. Even the ones I thought preached God's word have shocked me.

    If you had told me 10 years ago that Dobson would endorse a man that is unrepentant and still brags about his sexual perversions, I would not have believed you. My 14 year old son knows to behave better than that.

    Thank you for your story. It really is a great letter, and I plan on sharing it. ~Lori

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  17. Well said. As a young psychologist I had looked up to Dobson as well.

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  18. Thanks for sharing this, as a man I feel the heartbreak and turmoil felt particularly by women.
    I am disgusted with the Trump followers, christian or not, more than I am of Trump himself. There are others who are just as corrupt as Trump but wouldn't know how to capture the hearts of people like he does. Trump could not be where he is today without those who see him as 'savior' of America when it is clear he would be the destruction president.
    One person by themselves cannot create this kind of mass hysteria without co-operation from millions of followers.
    I am sickened by those who allow that garbage to grow, doing nothing to arrest and stop the flow of all the things Trump says and does, especially people of power such as ministers, politicians, pun-dents and those with money.

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  19. Well said. Thanks for saying what many are thinking.

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  20. ROXANNE, GOD BLESS YOU. I ALSO SENT DR. DOBSON A LETTER TODAY STATING MY THOUGHTS. I WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD BY MY OLDER BROTHER WHO HAS DIED IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT, BUT WAS NOT ABLE TO TALK TO ANYONE UNTIL I WAS 40 YRS OF AGE. IT IS SO HARD TO HANDLE THESE FEELINGS. I ALSO WITHH MY CHILDREN'S FATHER PASTORED A CHURCH FOR 18 YEARS UNTIL HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR AND THEY SLIPPED OFF TO MEXICO AND WERE MARRIED UNBEKNNOWS TO ME. I ALSO DO NOT BELIEVE THAT TRUMP SHOULD BE OUR PRESIDENT..

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  21. I agree in spirit. But I don't know what to do. I cannot vote for a pro-abortion candidate and as far as I see, all the others are that way. I agree that it seems Dobson is growing innocent women under the bus. But what about all the innocent unborn children who will be grown under the bus with the pro-abortion candidates? It is a dilemma that seems to have no solution. If Trump does not follow through with his new pro-life stance, that will be between him and God.

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  22. I know that you feel supporting Trump is throwing innocent women under the bus. But what about all the innocent unborn babies? I cannot vote for any of the others because of their pro-abortion stances. If Trump doesn't stick with his new pro-life stance, that is between him and God. But my conscience will be clear. I have been called all my life to vote strictly pro-life. I believe the innocent babies are the least able to defend themselves. I don't see a better choice, unfortunately. If anyone has a better idea of how Christians can vote I am totally open to learning about it.

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    1. Greetings Roxanne. Check out Darryl Castle as a clear conscience alternative to the two woefully corrupt mainstream parties. I personally have voted this way the last two election cycles, and will again.....

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  23. Dr. Dobson was instrumental in our early married and early to middle parenting life. He was treated terribly by the people who took over his ministry. He has his own heartbreak to deal with in terms of people he loved and trusted (Mike Trout for one). He is not the same fearless leader of families that he was back when we needed him so much. Have some grace. Yes, a follower of Christ should be able to weather the storms, but we don't know his whole story. Who knows whether he has early dementia or whatever else. Be thankful for what he did to help you and worry about the plank in your own eye.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Always good to be reminded to be thankful and have grace. I am indeed thankful for the early ministry of Dr. Dobson, and I'm sorry he didn't finish strong, whatever the reason. I'm sure he has been through a lot in his lifetime, as many of us have.

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    3. Everyone has a plank. Usually we are just too busy inspecting other people's eyes to worry about our own. It is so easy to see others' faults and so difficult to see our own. I don't know what yours is but I am sure you have one, as do I.

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    4. I'm sure I do too. But that doesn't mean I can't speak up when someone's behavior is hurtful. If having a blind spot or being imperfect disqualifies us from speaking up, no one could say anything. I've often found that the advise "check your plank" or "no one is perfect" or "judge not" is thrown at victims and whistle blowers and truth tellers or people just trying to share their feelings to make them be quiet. This may not have been your motive, but this is the kind of thing I heard a lot by people in power while I was in abusive situations, and many victims hear the same. This blog is my experience and my opinion and the fact that I am imperfect and have faults of my own does not make it any less valid. For the sake of those still in their situations- when they speak up - if your heart is not to be hurtful, you might consider not using a response about "the plank in your own eye."

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    5. Certainly I am not trying to be hurtful. But I do think that, after admitting how greatly Dr. Dobson helped you, you could show more grace. He has already deserved your appreciation, regardless of how much he disappoints you now; if he never did anything else for you he would still deserve it. The tone of your article is far beyond "speaking up when someone's behavior is hurtful." It is loudly condemning and sounds like it was written when you were in the grip of intense emotion. I've done that myself, so I sympathize. But it's usually best to let those things sit for a week or two until the flames die down, and then go back and edit when you can think more clearly before posting. Only the Old Testament prophets speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit could be sure that the condemning words they uttered were pure and right on the rough draft. The rest of us need to edit.

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    6. I do care deeply for victims of abuse and sexual assault and women who have to endure this kind of degrading behavior every day of their lives. I do feel it deeply when Christian leaders minimize this or excuse it or won't confront it. As do many. I'm glad that came across.

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  24. Trump is lying to everyone about everything! He is not pro anything! He is a very manipulative and narcisstic induvidual and will say or do anything to gain your vote in order to fulfil his own desire to be the most powerful leader in the physical world. Please do not turn a blind eye on the evils of this unchristian liar who is manipulating you for his own benefit. The only thing he believes in is winning at all costs. If elected he will invoke a nuclear war and the loss of life will be far greater. P.S. This is not an endorsement for Hillary.

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  25. As someone who counts among my best friends, two of the most amazing and godly ladies(they're sisters), your words steel my resolve to keep shining a light on the national disease that is Donald Trump.
    The thought of anyone treating a woman like this makes my blood boil. I've seen what poor leadership in the home does. I've been a victim of it. I've also seen what a godly father and mother can do, if they keep their focus on Jesus and keep their kids on the path they should go.
    Thank you for these words. I think of Chelsy and Allison and I know I've done the right thing in my opposition to Donald Trump.

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  26. Bless you Roxanne - I agree with you 100%,
    Bill Muehlenberg

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  27. We tried our best to reach people influenced by the Christian Patriarchy movement, not only Dobson but also Gothard, Phillips, Piper & Gruden, Driscoll, Mary Pride, Above Rubies etc. It's very strong in parts of USA and sadly, often gets exported onto the mission field. We have seen some very hurt young people caught up in the legalism and striving to be the perfect submissive Christian wife, setting the example for presumably more "liberal" couples who base their marriages on equality and teamwork. It's a very seductive doctrine and the "gender role gospel" still has millions of adherents in the USA. The fundamentalists supporting Trump didn't come out of a vacuum. It was clear by the early 90s that Christian fundamentalism had a scary overlap with the doctrines of Islamic fundamentalism and with the dogma and rhetoric of the pornography industry and the sex slavers: i.e. the sexual entitlement and supremacy of men, and the sexual obligation and subordination of women. People wonder why there is such a problem with porn addiction amongst fundamentalists (of any stripe) when actually there are several common denomitaros - such as the objectification and depersonalisation of women. In such religious movements, you'd be branded a "jezebel" or (worse in the view of some) a "feminist" if you speak out (even if you are a man!) People wonder how the Christian right could possibly support such an odious man, when actually, the sexism and misogyny that has been the doctrinal pet of Christian legalism and fundamentalism, has been blatant all along.

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    1. Porn doesn't care about all that theroretical stuff. Porn hooks people because it messes with natural brain processes. Actual intimate sex feels good, but it is somewhat self limiting. Chemicals that cause feelings of satisfaction are released after actual intimate sex. Porn short circuits that natural process and leaves the user craving more. Dopamine receptors in the brain become saturated and leave the addict needing newer forms of stimulation to get the same rush. The massive variety of porn on the internet compounds the issue. Objectification is merely a symptom.

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    2. Actually porn does care very much about misogyny, unfortunately. The explosion of porn has been driven by the internet, yes - but it didn't happen in a cultural vacuum. Trump has previously endorsed Hugh Heffner, who called himself "The King of America" in reference to the way that porn infiltrates and influences so much of society. Yes porn is very addictive and trashes men's dopamine receptors. But the misogyny entrenched in society, as clearly manifested in rape culture, domestic violence and even much of obstetric culture, paves the way for porn with the devaluing, degrading, disempowering and objectification of women. So why would righteous Christian people, concerned with moral standards, get in bed politically with such depraved and sexist people? And here's the hard part: because parts of the western church have been systematically teaching sexist doctrine, that establishes a gender hierarchy and does not uphold equality and mutuality between men and women, for several decades now - ever since the refreshment of the Jesus movement sadly de-railed into legalism, which eventually morphed into horrible patriarchy. It should be no shock to any observer of society that religious fundamentalists are particularly prone to porn. The objectification of women with respect to stringent dress codes, and humiliation for those who fail to comply (just as within Islamic fundamentalism) is just the flip side of the coin to pornographic objectification and depersonalization - they have strict dress codes for women, too - just at a different extreme. Normal sexual activity within a loving, safe, balanced relationship results in the release of oxytocin, the hormone of love, well-being, bonding and empathy. We live in an oxytocin-deprived society. This is why birth work is so important to us - why we work to support women to love their bodies in a culture that teaches them to hate their bodies, why we work to empower them to give birth naturally under their own power, surrounded by love and respect, whenever possible. The levels of oxytocin released during childbirth are 10 times more than that released during sexual intercourse. That's why we work to support such normalizing practices as uninterrupted skin to skin contact, "no hatting, no patting, no chatting", co-sleeping, baby-wearing and breastfeeding. These are all oxytocin-positive activities. I believe that widespread oxytocin deprivation in society has contributed to the porn epidemic. And the missing piece of the puzzle is: fundamentalism. I commend to you a Youtube lecture called "Why Dads Leave" by John W Travis. (No he's not a Christian but let's not be too "only drink milk from a Christian cow"). Travis describes how the "normative abuse" experienced by many mother-baby dyads in the course of standard obstetric institutional care, results in oxytocin-deprivation (as well as birth trauma). He then describes the attachment and bonding disorders that result from this oxytocin deprivation. He then lists other symptoms of this: and they include addictions, lack of empathy and FUNDAMENTALISM: i.e. black and white thinking. He is identifying fundamentalism/legalism as a symptom of a mental disorder. So here is the connected between the institutionalization and medicalization of childbirth; the hijacking of Christianity by legalism and fundamentalism - and porn. We cannot address the pornification of society - as manifested in the sad stories of way too many "submissive wives" turning themselves into spiritual pretzels trying to obey and conform to male headship doctrine, and also as manifested by a character like Trump being endorsed by the Christian Right - without taking a hard look at the misogyny that underpins, paves the way and justifies this sad state of affairs.

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  28. Wow!!! Thank you Roxanne for your beautiful letter and for baring your soul for all to see how truly important this issue is to so many of us. I pray this reaches Dr. Dobson and he will prayerfully reconsider his endorsement. Thank you again for taking the time to write this letter. May God bless you beyond your wildest imagination, my sister in Christ.

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  29. Thank you, Roxanne! I too have been so disappointed in some of the leaders of the church that I have looked up to in the past especially in trying times and to see so many of them now just blindly accepting an admitted adulterer with seemingly little to no morality is disheartening to say the least. I pray Dr. Dobson receives this letter and will take it to heart. Thank you again for penning this letter that so many of us are feeling and God bless you.

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  30. I really feel for my American Christian friends right now. You must be agonizing over how you're going to vote in November. Both major party candidates are appalling choices. I don't know what I'd do if I was in Dr Dobson's position, and I had people looking to me for guidance on voting.

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  31. Many from the evangelical right have acted as total hypocrites by supporting a man whose entire professional and public career has constantly exhibited brutish, thug like, vile, evil, and yes plenty of lustful behavior. Leadership especially has errored in influencing many of their followers to support a monster. ALL OF THIS HAS BEEN A BLIGHT ON CHRISTIANITY AND WE WONDER WHY MANY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE LORD JESUS WHO IS ALTOGETHER LOVELY. The evangelicals have totally MISREPRESENTED OUR WONDERFUL GOD!

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  32. Thank you for your heart felt words. I imagine that Dr Dobson would agree with you on many points. This is a gut wrenching decision for all of us who believe and follow God's Holy Word. A President is for four years. A Supreme Court justice is for life. A President does not make laws but Congress has a huge impact. One candidate has a born again Vice Presidential candidate advising him. One candidate has a faith counsel of some very wise and humble advisors. When I look at the Republican choice and the Democratic choice we have no one who believes like we do. But which one will listen to Christian advisors and possibly champion our causes? I feel that Dr. Dobson may have this line of thinking. I do not feel he is endorsing immoral behavior but looking a the realistic big picture.

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  33. I cannot help but notice that when many proclaim to be pro-life, they are only talking about unborn babies. I do not see the same concern for those already born. You cannot be truly pro-life unless you have genuine, godly concern for ALL life from conception to the grave.

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  34. Is sin, sin?
    I have no disagreement with the words you carefully and thoughtfully wrote. But I wonder...what do you accomplish blogging them in this manner. It is a personal matter between you and Dr. Dobson! Do you imagine he will see your heartfelt concerns and have the ability to reflect, respond and restore?
    You, yourself, noted scriptural correctness in your post. A serious follower of Christ you appear, therefore I suggest you are familiar with the Scriptural teachings on confronting a brother with their sin and also on seeking forgiveness from them to restore the relationship. If your post does not encourage, edifying or provide opportunity for its targeted recipient, then to what end...is sin, sin.
    Heavy hearted fellow follower.

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    1. Excellent point. And if I had a personal relationship with Dr. Dobson, and if this was a personal offence between him and I alone, I most certainly would have followed the Matthew 18 pattern of private confrontation. However, Dr. Dobson and I have never met, and his public position in this matter has affected not just me but many. The medium of media and public communication is how his public stand for Trump and defense of that stand was made, and this was the same medium I used to respond. I'm also not sure if I would be so bold as define what Dr. Dobson has done in endorsing Trump as sin. I have attempted to show its inconsistency and its hurtfulness, but I'll leave the rest up to God. Thank you for your comment.

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    2. I'm watching this election from a long distance, in New Zealand, but even here I feel tainted by the misjudgment and hypocrisy of global evangelical leaders like Dobson. He and others have misrepresented the gospel and the grace of God to an appalling degree. He has stated his views in public. Well then, Roxanne is right to oppose him in public. He needs the Galatians 2 treatment, not the Matthew 18 treatment. "When Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. ... As a result, other Jewish believers followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy". Thank you for writing your superb piece, Roxanne, and for defending it with grace. Stand firm.

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  35. Dear Roxanne,

    I cannot see a way to write privately or that is what I would do. My precious sister, I write this knowing that words have power to do great harm and that is my very last intention. I do not write blithely or without prayer. For I know your wounds. They are my own. I know your grief. It is my own. And I also know the healing power and restoration of Jesus. And I am thankful for His Grace. So please do not mistake my note as anything other than coming from someone who seeks Jesus above all else.
    I am so sorry for what has been done to you. By your husband. By the church. By Christians. I know these scars for I bear them too. But I also know the love lavished on us is more and better than any earthly pain. Dear Sister, I pray for you today for restoration, that God would restore what the locusts have eaten.
    And I would ask you a question about this piece, if you could talk to Dr. Dobson, would you say these words to his face, knowing what you do about him? And do you think these words would hurt him? And, is Dr. Dobson our brother? Is he our real enemy? If he is, your words are just. But if he is not, if he is a man, if he is our brother, regardless of our thoughts and opinions, does he not deserve the grace we ourselves have been given?

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    1. Dear Margaret,
      Thanks for your thoughtful words. In answer to your question, yes, I would say these words to Dr. Dobson's face, or rather, hope to sit down and have a dialog where we could speak face to face as brother and sister in Christ. No he is not my enemy. But he is a brother in Christ whose actions are deeply wounding many of his sisters and the body Of Christ, and it is not wrong to bring this to his attention in the only way I have. I speak on behalf of many. I'm a firm believer in grace, but it is written in James 4:6- God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. If Dr. Dobson is open and responds humbly when he hears how deeply his actions have wounded other parts of the body of Christ, I would definitely respond graciously in kind. And of course I can forgive him whether he ever acknowledges the pain he has caused or asks for that or not- and do. Indeed God has forgiven me much and I can also freely give that gift. But that really isn't the point. The point is that Christian men need to hear how minimizing sexual assault is unChristlike and deeply wounding to their sisters in Christ, and all women. It is not what Jesus would do.

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  36. That Christians would have the choice to only vote for depraved non Christian individuals for President must disgust the Founding Fathers and Great preachers America had down through the centuries.

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  37. Thank you very much for this piece. I am saddened by a lot of the comments because it is as if the the only life worth being pro-life about is that of the unborn child. The message we send when we put all the eggs in that basket is that once the baby is born, they are somehow less worthy of our focus (e.g. the current discussion about the respect for women, inciting racial division, xenophobia).
    In addition, it is not as if Trump can be trusted to follow through on a single thing he has promised given his track record of broken promises.
    The Supreme Court has become an idol that is being used to overlook the full picture and diminish the understanding of God’s power in this situation.
    Being driven by fear to align with somebody who is so counter to Jesus' overall message about humanity and it's value is a horrible witness to the world. And it minimizes the power God has to intervene in what appears to be a difficult situation.

    I too was very disconcerted by the continued stand that Dr. Dobson is taking and agree that it absolutely sends the message you have so aptly laid out in this article.

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    1. Thomas, so many of your thoughts are mine too. Yes, yes, yes. I am unabashedly pro life, but Christians must be for ALL life. It is too easy to get behind a cause that requires nothing of us except our vote and our forceful opinion, and MUCH harder to love actual people, in actual messy situations. Christians are known in the US for their militant stance on abortion, but are we known for our interest in racial justice? In supporting the poor and orphan? In welcoming refugees so that the gospel might go forth? Not as much, and that breaks my heart.

      Your last statement about being driven by fear is so spot on.

      Thank you, Roxanne, for your words too. And for your gracious and kind interaction with people in the comments.

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  38. Firstly. let me say that I agree with this article. My concern is this: What if Trump DID get saved when he met with those Pastors? He's an infant in the Lord, but what are we called to do as Christians if he asks forgiveness? None of the controversies have been committed since his meeting.

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    1. It really doesn't matter if he is "saved" or not- lots of "saved" men do these things too- they just aren't running for president and get a free pass for being a sexual predator and endorsed by Christian leaders.

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  39. Is there really enough hate for Hillary to justify voting for Donald? Is forgiveness to be based on political affiliation? The comments of some of those who answer yes, who defend Mr Trump are using some of the same justifications used against President Obama, that we will slide down the road to socialism, lose our rights and all the other predictions that failed to manifest. I heard Jerry Falwell Jr. say he was voting for Trump because he was more qualified, an absolutely false claim. Another false claim being made is that those that are pro-choice are pro-abortion...this is seemly not true. I salute Roxanne and others who have spoke out in a thoughtful way. I lost respect for many Christian leaders long ago, Jim Bakker lives close to me and has zero credibility, as does the rest of the megachurch leaders. No one who doesn't help the poor are asking WWJD

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  40. Thank you Roxanne, you are not alone many Christians share your pain.It is utterly terrifying to see so many Christians leaving their first love as if God is not on the throne and in full control.

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  41. The sad truth about where we stand today with the predominant candidates for President is that Christians, and I count myself in that number, have been sleeping on the job and our witness has been put under a "bushel". For I believe if we were truly our brothers' keeper and neighbor to our neighbor, we would have shown Christ and lead them to say "what must I do to be saved". I think we need to hear God's words in 2 Chronicles 7:14, to paraphrase:our nation needs to humble itself and pray and seek God's face, turn back to God, then He will forgive our sins and heal our land. Only God can help us.

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  42. OMGosh, this is one of the most articulate, well thought out, reasoned, heartfelt, convicting, factual letters I've ever read. I hope he responds.

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  43. Roxanne, truly a well written blog post. As a pastor, I will say that everyday I am more and more shocked at how many well intentioned Christians have placed allegiance to the Republican party over Biblical principles. The only solid argument they seem able to offer up is based on a fear of Hillary influencing the Supreme Court. (2 Timothy 1:7 comes to mind as a rebuttal to a fear based decision.) Nothing else matters. Not character, not Scripture, and certainly not integrity. Should the GOP win the election, it will be a hollow victory, for their thirst for power and control has led them to a place where they will no longer have a voice as the party of character, morality, or family values. We have stooped so low and lost sight of what really matters. Again, thank you for sharing your experience and sharing from your heart, it was an article that could be shared of so many once respected pastors and leaders who share Dr. Dobson's stance.

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  44. Now, but the same acid test in ALL areas to Hilary Clinton. We as a nation are getting just what we deserve!

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  45. This update by the author has also been added to the original blog:

    One of my more politically astute friends pointed something out to me that bears updating.

    The quote I posted about Dr. Dobson not voting for John McCain was originally spoken early in 2000 and he stuck to that for quite a while saying he would not vote for McCain under any circumstances. But in August of 2006 Dr. Dobson actually changed his mind and decided to come out in support of McCain “If flip-flopping is a sin, then I am a sinner," he said.

    On the one hand, it now makes sense why it was easier for Dr. Dobson to support Trump in this election, another immoral man he doesn't approve of. On the other hand, it gives me real hope that once again, Dr. Dobson might consider "flip-flopping", only this time the other way. He is obviously willing to change a public position when convicted to do so.

    What about it, Dr. Dobson? How about flip-flopping on your support of Trump and sending a message that you do care about how women are treated? You wouldn't be the only Christian leader to honorably flip-flop. Wayne Gruden, prominent evangelical theologian, recently did just that.

    Your position in supporting Trump has added much ammunition to the lie that Christians don't really care about values or women, just power.

    Would you like to prove them wrong?

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    1. It needs to be said, there is no evidence that Trump is pro-life, only his word and he is a liar. He is without conscience and nothing he says can be accepted as truth. Unfortunately the same is true of Clinton. Another sad truth is that no President no matter their personal beliefs will turn the tide of evil pervading the USA (and the western world at large) Voting pro-life for principle may be a right thing to do, but will not change the course we are on. I personally have supported Trump until now because of the terrible things Clinton plans, but different than Dobson, I can no longer. I see it as impossible for me to vote for either candidate. Thank you Roxanne.

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    2. It needs to be said, there is no evidence that Trump is pro-life, only his word and he is a liar. He is without conscience and nothing he says can be accepted as truth. Unfortunately the same is true of Clinton. Another sad truth is that no President no matter their personal beliefs will turn the tide of evil pervading the USA (and the western world at large) Voting pro-life for principle may be a right thing to do, but will not change the course we are on. I personally have supported Trump until now because of the terrible things Clinton plans, but different than Dobson, I can no longer. I see it as impossible for me to vote for either candidate. Thank you Roxanne.

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  46. As a Trump supporter I find this disturbing. I do understand where the opposition is coming from a little better. My issues however with this are as follows: I find the timing of the release of the audio tape and the following accusations from various women highly suspect. As it is Trump has been tried, found guilty and punished by the court of public opinion aided by a very biased media. Keep in mind, Trump has not been formerly charged or tried in a court of law, unlike other celebrities in similar situations; Bill Cosby etc. As it is this single audio clip has poisoned many people against Trump much to the benefit of Hillary Clinton. I would also question why if James Dobson is such a man of integerty and holding an excellent track record against porn would veer so far off track by supporting Trump unless he had very good reason to do so? As for your statement that it doesn't matter whether Trump is 'saved', well yes it does actually matter a great deal. If Trump is actually redeemed and trying to change his 'lifetime behaviour' he does deserve the benefit of a doubt. In summary I don't agree with how Trump has been put on trial by the media with witnesses who have been debunked. Yes, the audio is incriminating however I think everyone has had conversations where if they were released to the general public would be deeply ashamed and embarrassed. For the record Trump has apologized for his words. It's on the internet, all you have to do is look, and not be blinkered by your disgust.

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    1. I've heard it. I've read the transcript. I wouldn't personally consider it an apology, or repentance according to the Biblical definition, since that is what folks are claiming he might possibly be. It was a public statement which was politically necessary as "damage control." I've heard a lot of such "sorry not sorry" in my life and that's how I would define this. Whether he is a Christian or not this would be inadequate but especially if that is your expectation. However we are all free to form our own opinion.

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    2. Well, that is very subjective then. I don't know what would qualify as an apology for you, as most apologies in this manner are public statements. Then again it is your opinion, so fair enough.If Trump personally apologised to someone out of the limelight, I wonder if it would seem more sincere?

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  47. We Christians are too quick to judge without having a second thought. Authors are never perfect men or women. They only write as being inspired by God. The American Christians should be vigilant and alert in this their forthcoming historic election. When the Christians are divided about the candidate to vote for or not, they are going to be the ones to suffer the consequences.
    Mr. Trump and Mrs Clinton are not Christians, the most important thing for the American Christians is to prayerfully consider a candidate that would uphold the Christian beliefs, and vote such a fellow and if by God's grace such a candidate wins and then turn his back to those beliefs he promised to uphold, God will be his Judge. Trump may not be a perfect man all of his life till now, that does not mean that he cannot be a changed man now.
    If it is at this time of his life that salvation comes to him, God is glorified.
    The evangelical leader who surrounds him are doing so because Mr Trump decided to associate with them, and should not be blamed or castigated for doing so.

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  48. God blessed you Roxanne with "holy boldness" to write the Truth in love to Dr. James Dobson. I also grew-up in Christ, listening to Focus On The Family. I was thrilled when Dr Dobson relocated his ministry headquarters from CA to Colo Springs CO where I lived. I held Dr. Dobson in high esteem for all of the reasons you mentioned and then some.
    I was deeply disappointed to hear that he is supporting Donald Trump. I can only pray for him and ask God to help him to clearly "see" and understand (in the spirit) the message in your writings. Also, Christianity Today (Highly thought of Christian Magazine) recently published an editorial; "Speaking Truth To Trump (and Christians).
    It blessed my hope that Christians will rise above the deceptions.....I pray that you and others are blessed by this article as well. In His Love...
    http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2016/october-web-only/speak-truth-to-trump.html

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  49. Not voting for the Democratic choice. Voting against her every time. period.

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  50. Very well written Roxanne.

    "I suspect you may find what you lost with this endorsement is much greater than what you gained, for you have lost your reputation as a man of discernment and character and consistency who champions family values without agenda and who stands up against injustice."

    This is the worst of this whole sordid affair. Whether he has meant to or not, he has hurt his witness to Christ in this world and his fight for marriage and the family, as well as his stand against the evils of pornography and other social ills. And that's sad.

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  51. God has forgiven him as He has forgiven you and me.

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    1. as long as he asks for it and doesn't repeat his sin.

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  52. It's a tough choice to make between a flawed man and a woman who represents a flawed system.

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  53. It's as simple as this, neither trump nor Clinton are Christians both are far from it. Trump's stances on the issues correlate to Christian views unlike Clinton by far.
    By process of elimination I vote trump.
    Not happy with the decision it's the duty of the church to keep this nation moral and the nation is becoming less moral everyday.
    So let mr.dobson have his views trumps views correlate closer to Christian views than Clintons view for this nation.
    So let him stand for not the man but what the man represents.

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  54. "We have on tape evidence that he is a sexual predator and that he forces unwilling women to accept his advances"
    Actually what he said happened does not make him a sexual predator.

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    1. Actually it does. Here is the definition of sexual predator: "A person obtaining or trying to obtain sexual contact with another person in a "predatory" or abusive manner."

      Here is transcript of Trump's words: "I moved on her, actually. You know she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her and I failed, I'll admit it....I did try and f_ck her. She was married...I moved on her like a b_tch. But I couldn't get there. And she was married... (Bush: "Yes! The Donald has scored! Woah, my man!)..."You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful...I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss, I don't even wait. And when you are a star they let you do it. You can do anything. (Bush: Whatever you want!) Grab em by the p_ssy, you can do anything"

      Yes, Melissa this is sexually predatory behavior in the extreme, I assure you.

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    2. If you don't think that his speech, which reflects his attitudes, is sufficient evidence that he is predatory, let us consider the testimony of the several victims claiming to have been assaulted by him, constantly being dismissed and discredited. Perhaps Roxanne has not been so wise or measured in confronting Dobson publicly, that's a separate debate. But on the topic of the character and values and track record of Trump? He is an unrepentant misoginist and predator indeed, despite his strategic courting of the Christian right.

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  55. trump is not CHRISTIAN - it's IMPOSSIBLE - for if he is CHRISTIAN ? THE HOLY BIBLE is a lie.
    he's nothing but a loud mouth spoiled brat who is a loose cannon ...... from satan and not GOD THE FATHER.

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  56. "Be not deceived, God is not mocked. Whatsoever you sow, that shall you reap."

    As Christians we are told to forgive. We must forgive Trump. If I owned a restaurant and someone stole all the money in my till, I would forgive them, for that is what I am commanded to do. I also would never hire the putz again and warn others of what happened.

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  57. Thank you. As Elisabeth Elliot's granddaughter, I have learned a lot from From Dobson, been in the Grahams home in Nc, and now I am deeply saddened by their support of DT, and how some in the church are turning a blind eye, or comparing him to king David. This week I have been on the phone with crying friends praying for their old wounds to heal since the tape came out and since Dobson defended him. :( 💔I was writing a letter too but your story is similar to mine (ex husband addicted to porn, I'm a survivor of mental, emotional verbal abuse and an assault), and I'm so grateful for your well written, well documented letter!! God bless you. I'm going To keep praying. I'm not giving up, we will not be silent!

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    1. Christiana, Your comment means a great deal to me- thank you so much for being transparent and for speaking up too. I would love to meet you in person someday.

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  58. Very well put together and needs to be read. Excellent post!!!

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  59. Thank you Roxanne !! Someone wrote today on one of my post " In God's eyes there is no such thing as the lesser of two evils " EVIL is EVIL !! And I am saddened by the Christian friends I have using this as their excuse for voting for Mr. Trump

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  60. Thank you so much for writing this.
    I feel like I have been kicked in the gut by Dr. Dobson.

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  61. I haven't red all the comments so forgive me for repeating something that may have already been said. I'm an Australian and admit I don't understand the American political system but talking to an American friend I get the impression that it is about the party you are affiliated with and in inability to believe that they stand for anything outside of what you think 'your' party stands for. I am so grateful for the Australian voting system where I can change my mind from one election to another without fear of anyone ever knowing who I voted for.

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  62. I hope you are actually sending this letter to James Dobson - like printing it out and mailing it to him, rather than just an email which will get lost in the shuffle of all his emails. It is THAT important. I have lost all respect for Dr. James Dobson over this. All respect.

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    1. I'm pretty sure Dr. Dobson is internet savvy, and that he has read it. (I hear it got posted to his page by several.) Of the 100,000 views this blog has had so far, the odds are good one of them is his. If it just gives him (and others like him) something to think about and pray about, and if he takes time to hear our feelings and possibly consider them valid, then I am satisfied. And please don't lose all respect for Dr. Dobson, I haven't. His stand on this issue could only hurt so many because he is respected, and has done so much good for us in the past.

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  63. Roxanne, You have a wonderful talent to inject clarity of thought and reason in your writing! Let me say, as a middle-age male, it also saddens me deeply to see men such as James Dobson commit sins of omission by not confronting sin. Instead, picking and choosing when to confront bad behavior based on if it will or will not align with political motivation. When Jesus said to watch out for those who dress as sheep but inwardly are ferocious wolves, as in Matt 7:15, it greatly saddens me to think or believe that Jesus may be referring to some I have respected or admired for years.

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  64. Great witness and rebuke. I wish I could believe Dr. Dobson and Trump's other defenders in the church will take it to heart.

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  65. Great article. I pray all Trump's defenders in the church will take this to heart.

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  66. So in your sanctimonious diatribe against Trump are you advocating voting for a woman who is a pathological liar, responsible for lives being lost in Benghazi, covered up rapes and other sexual abuse by her husband, put our nation at risk by using unsecured email, deleting any incriminating emails, etc, etc... It's Christians like you that elected Obama. I didn't like McCain or Romney either but my vote was by default for them because primarily I was voting against Obama. Will you be able to look your children in the face after Hillary nominates and her lackeys in Congress confirm destructive justices to the Supreme Court? Will you applaud when she raises your taxes? It's time to wake up and get over what someone said 11 years ago! Listen when he owns his statements and apologizes for them. Move on before it's too late!

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    1. Short answer, no, not advocating for Clinton.

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  67. Thanks for posting: I have this to say...

    Is this the America we want? Where women exist only for men's perverted pleasure? In the name of God?

    Dr. Dobson's support of Donald Trump opens old wounds; specifically two sexual assaults against me by Christian men. I was 17 when Dr. Don Mattson molested me. He was at that time the Young Life leader at Scotsdale High in Scotsdale, AZ. I have to wonder how many other patients and teenage girls he assaulted before he died.

    The other was/is a high-profile editor in Christian and secular publishing--who, after pinning me against the wall when I tried to escape the room, promised me publication in national magazines, any publishing house I wanted, and that he would make me a speaker on the conference circuit if I would agree to sleep with him at all the events throughout the US. His wife, he said, had lupus. I somehow got through the door. The night was dark, with enough lighting for him to give chase. He jumped into my car before I could lock all the doors, and assaulted me again.

    When I told Christian leaders about this, I was shushed and told to keep my mouth shut. I know he has done to this many women, yet he continues to remain high profile.

    Dr. Dobson's support of the rape culture is disturbing on two levels: 1) women are half the human race and there is no reason violence and disrespect is our due; 2) he brings God into it--just as Dr. Mattson and D. H. did.

    Is this the America we want? Where women exist only for men's perverted pleasure? In the name of God?

    See "Let Me Speak: A protest to Donald Trump's "boys will be boys" defense" at BrendaWilbee.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh Brenda,
      I'm so sorry. So very sorry. Thank you for being brave and transparent and telling your story. This is the point so many have missed about my letter. Christians - specifically Christian men in leadership perpetrating, supporting and excusing rape culture and how deeply that hurts us. Again thank you and hugs.

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  68. Thank you and may our God and Father bless you through our Lord Jesus Christ and comfort and protect you by the Holy Spirit. Thank you for the courage and I pray that Dr. Dobson will read this and that the Spirit of God will convict him of his betrayal of Christ's body the Church.

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  69. Here's a sensible view by J. Lee Grady. His book, "10 Lies the Church Tells Women" was a helpful life-raft away from fundamentalist misogyny back when. Check out The Mordecai Project which Grady spearheaded also. http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/60653-what-if-hillary-clinton-wins-the-white-house

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    1. Excellent article, thanks for posting.

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  70. It's not about Trump or about Clinton or about politics, it's about women, it's about not silencing their voices so with that in mind, this is an interesting video clip (again - it's not partisanship, it's about a voice for the voiceless and identifying and confronting the misogyny embedded in our culture, within the Christian church and without) https://www.facebook.com/HumanityforHillary/videos/383287768678348/

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  71. Thank you for writing this. I'm a Christian and was abused. When the tape came out of Trump it through me in to a whirl wind. I had flashbacks and I was very angry. I also have a child that has special needs. I was disgusted with Trump a LONG time ago, but when this tape came out and MANY Christians still stand with him. I'm at a lost for words. I'm ANGRY!!! This is why sexual abuse continues in our country. Its always swept under the rug by the ones that are so suppose to protect us. Again you took what I felt and put it in to words. Thank You

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  72. You are in good company: http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/christian-women-donald-trump_us_580123d6e4b0162c043bdd7d

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  73. He proves, like so many public figures and Politicians, that they are hypocrites! This is why many people are loosing respect for Christians and going to church. They feel they can't trust them and are no better than any sinner. Thank you for writing this letter. During this election, we've seen how people say one thing and do another. We're seeing how many really feel.

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