They Will Survive Your Mistakes

Guess what?  I'm no longer a homeschooling mom!  I officially finished homeschooling my three children in May of this year. 

And after (successfully?) homeschooling three kids K-12, I figured at least a blog entry on the topic was indicated.  I know some parents have turned this life experience into an entire book or books with long lists of “how tos” and sometimes whole curriculums, or speaking opportunities in front of conservative audiences and a booth of products at the annual home school fair. But all those seemed a little presumptive for a survivor like myself.  Okay a lot presumptive. 

So anyway, here’s my blog.  Stream of consciousness, to resist any “here are your steps to success” presumptive tendencies.

People, I AM DONE.  WE HAVE SURVIVED!  I hope to never darken the door of a homeschool book fair or home school co-op again. 

Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but just being real here.

I love my kids, loved educating them, but homeschooling hasn’t always been fun, and interacting with the greater homeschooling community hasn’t either.

People are people and just like in most groups, those that rise to leadership in the homeschool world are not always the nicest. If you are in a co-op you’ve probably figured this out already.  (And you thought it was just yours.)

Good individual tutors/teachers of particular subjects, on the other hand, will save your bacon.  These nice people may be found quietly doing their thing in co-ops or sometimes independently at their kitchen table.For your middle school or high school kid to get a good math or science tutor when you suck at these subjects could literally be a game changer. I personally considered it worth the weekly drive and every penny.

But, if you decide not to join a co-op or a group when your kids are younger, that’s cool too.  It takes a lot of energy and if you happen to still be nursing a baby or chasing a toddler all day, energy is definitely in short supply. As an alternative you can find some other home-schoolers (or mothers with kids the same age who don't homeschool) to do things with from time to time- Facebook groups are great ways to find friends and connect for play dates.  If you have a good church or other faith community, they can become a significant part of your kids’ social group as well.

When your kids are older, I would recommend making co-op membership and attendance more of a priority. My kids benefited greatly from co-op activities like dance classes, participating in drama and performances, going on senior trips, and having a real graduation ceremony, not to mention access to good tutors and the opportunity to meet friends. 

Kids do need friends and social interactions.  But they need their parents more at young ages, so don’t feel pressure to join a co-op when they are little, if it seems overwhelming.

Just remember, there is no secret formula, or best curriculum, or perfect schedule planner, or ideal group. You just pick one you can afford that appeals to you, and stick with it as best you can.  If what you tried doesn’t work, try something else the next year.  Or (no crime) if it really isn’t working or feels destructive, drop it mid-year. Just keep plugging away in some form or fashion.  Some days you won’t get much done.  Just get up and try again the next day.

Myths:  Homeschool kids will love learning.  They won’t, always.  Homeschool kids won’t cheat.  They will, quite possibly.  Homeschool kids won’t rebel or have attitude problems.  They most probably will.  Homeschool kids will always get along with their siblings.  They definitely won’t.  Homeschooled kids will be smarter, more advanced, and stay out of trouble more than public schooled kids. Not necessarily, particularly if this is your main goal.

Avoid like the plague a superior attitude toward families that don’t homeschool. Your kids will pick up on it. 

It will also backfire.  So don’t be judgy of other parents.

We are all just people, no matter how we choose to educate our kids.  Homeschooling isn’t a magic pill.  The same issues will come up- you just have more opportunities to get a grip on them earlier.

I do suggest, character first, curriculum second, whatever character means to you. For us it was kindness, communication, social skills, self and other awareness and Biblical values. Just make sure you are leading by example and don’t expect your kids to have a higher standard that you do, in any area, from keeping their bedroom clean, to staying off screens, to having a good attitude, to not being critical and bad mouthing people.

For the first four years, K- 3^rd grade, seriously, don’t sweat.  Buy some inexpensive workbooks, get a library card, throw up some educational posters, and do as many activities as you have the energy for.  Trips to the library (summer reading programs are awesome, and free), zoo, botanical gardens, science museum, parks, splash pads, free craft days at Home Depot and cultural festivals at museums.  Yearly memberships are great to keep you from having to stay somewhere so long to “get your money’s worth” on a zoo or museum day that everyone has a meltdown- instead you can stay a couple of hours and go home for a nap, then come back another day.  Pick a new one each year.  

If you don’t have energy to go out, bake something and include the kids in all the steps.  Teach them to read and read to them.  Seriously if you don’t have energy for anything else, read to them. When your voice or your patience gives out, dump out a bucket of Legos or get out the playdough or a puzzle and put on an audio book instead of the TV.

LOTS OF AUDIO BOOKS. Audio books were my salvation. Did I mention I like audio books?  They filled in my gaps wonderfully. Kids have to listen to what you play when they are at home or in the car until they get devices of their own with ear plugs, so put that off as long as possible.  Keep screens as minimal as you can. Whole books and blogs and studies have been written on this and I would say THEY ARE RIGHT.

American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines – Under 18 months NO screen time other than video chatting with relatives. For children ages 2 to 5 years, limit to 1 hour per day of high-quality programs. For children 6 and older- consistent limits and appropriate supervision up to but (other sources say) not exceeding 3 hours a day.

DELAY GIVING YOUR KIDS PERSONAL PHONES AND TABLETS AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, AND MINIMZE THE TIME THEY SPEND ON THEM.  TRY HARD. BE THE RESISTANCE. Because they will fiercely and whine-ily resist your every effort to delay or set boundaries on their personal screen time.  It’s like crack to them and the smallest taste makes them go crazy when you take them away.  Set your face like Mount Rushmore.

When you do have to put a kid in front of something so they will stop whining and you can get something done (we all know Mt Rushmore will crumble at some point), make sure you have a library of DVDs you can play that are age and content appropriate without commercials including some that are high quality and/or educational (See our list for suggestions). You will feel less guilty about it and your kids will thank you later.  (Mine actually did, very specifically).  Better than handing them a personal screen.

I do suggest not letting the TV just run in the background of your home.  I also suggest not owning a game system.  We bought our first one when Sabrina turned 19.  She jokingly said she saw my evil plan not to give it to her until she was in college and didn’t have unlimited time to play. 

She’s not wrong.

Seriously, there is a very limited window for instilling our kids’ core values. Every single thing we put into them counts at this age. Make it count.  Don’t feed them junk media on a daily basis.  They are probably going to get some, regardless, but work hard to make sure that they get mainly healthy media, music, books at home.  It makes a difference.

I think back on my homeschooling in three phases:

• Early/Easy – preK to 4 (curriculum less important, focus on interaction and developmental skills)

• Mid/Hard 5-9 (curriculum more important – time to get serious)

• Home stretch 10-12 (hopefully self-motivated and mostly independent, but they still need you more than you think they are going to, just in a different way.)

I personally think travel is an essential part of education, and being able to not only travel to other states but other countries is highly educational and beneficial.  Homeschooling can give you the freedom to travel in off season for less than it would normally cost, and this is definitely something to take advantage of.  I know the fact that my kids spent significant portions of their preschool years overseas really influenced them positively, as well as travel they did as they got older. When you are home, do your best to have your children interact with as diverse a group of friends as possible, and teach them cultural competency.  One way to supplement this is to go to any cultural holiday festivals in your area, for example, Chinese (lunar) New Year (January or February), or India’s Independence day (Aug 15^th). Watch films with subtitles and let them hear other languages. Introduce them to a wide variety of music and a wide variety of food. Go to an ethnic grocery store on a field trip. All educational!

To finish off this blog, I interviewed my three kids about their homeschooling experiences, because I figured their take away is more valid than mine.  (These interviews were conducted individually so they didn’t hear each other’s answers.)  Anything they said they liked, as well as our personal recommendations, I have put links to at the end of the blog.

How do you feel about your homeschooling experience, overall?

Cassandra (now 22):

I loved it, it was great, fantastic. I especially enjoyed the flexibility to be able to take time off whenever we wanted, and be flexible with our schedules.  I liked that we could slow down and get extra help on subjects when we needed it, and also spend extra time on things on we liked.  I love that we were raised on good literature like Shakespeare, Narnia, LOTR, and various kinds of poetry.  When I was little the field trips were especially fun.

Sabrina (now 20):

Great and grand!  Fun, I loved it.  I brag on the fact that I was homeschooled, and when I talk to younger teenagers, I often hear them say they wished they could be homeschooled as well.  I liked the flexibility, being able to get one on one tutoring, and for that to be shaped to whatever we needed at the time.

Daniel (now 18):

10 out of 10!  Good mix of the best of homeschooling and the best of social interaction through co-op.  If I hadn’t had co-op I would have been a social disaster and not a balanced person. (Note:  Daniel spent more of his high school years in co-op than his sisters, 5 years, grades 8-12 In all honesty, this had a lot to do with the fact that he and mom were experiencing more conflict when it came to getting lessons done than mom had with the girls. He did much better being accountable to outside tutors.)  

Did you ever want to go to public school, or do you now regret being homeschooled?

Cassandra: No. Never wanted to go to public school.

Sabrina: Occasionally over the years I would be curious about having a public school or charter school experience and wonder what it would be like, or think it might interesting to try, but now looking back I have no regrets.

Daniel: No, had no desire to go to public school

Tell me some of your favorite parts of your homeschooling experience:

Cassandra: My favorite curriculum was the Veritas Press history cards, 10 out of 10.  Loved the way they incorporated Biblical history and World history in tandem- it gave good perspective. All the audio books. Anything read or told by Jim Weiss. Crafts and hands on things. Doing something unexpected now and then.

Sabrina: I liked the Veritas Press history cards and The Story of the World audio book and projects- I liked that this was a thread of continuity that went from year to year. 

For me one strong positive thing was that homeschooling disintegrated the age cliques that I’ve noticed tend to develop in people educated in classrooms. I grew up always being able to talk and relate to all ages of people, and wasn’t confined to only being comfortable talking to my own age group.

Daniel: Saxon math all the way! Teaching Textbooks sucks. I felt that having good math tutors from middle school on helped me be strong in math even though that wasn’t my parents’ strong point.

I like that I had to learn to manage my own time. Homeschooling prepares you more for the future and college in that respect. Homeschooling definitely goes better if you are self-motivated.

What were some negative aspects or weak areas of your homeschooling experience?

Cassandra: When other parts of life were not going great, it affected our homeschooling life. We didn’t have lessons for a month when our grandmother died, and I found that very confusing. Life stressors also affected my mother’s mood when she was teaching.  She was not good at compartmentalizing, and had less patience with us during teaching when more stressful things were going on.

I’m definitely stronger in the subjects my mother is strong in, like writing and English, and weaker in math like she is, but that may just be me. I also wasn’t very prepared for public speaking.  I would suggest homeschoolers find a group and practice public speaking earlier than I did (my first experience was in tenth grade when I took speech in community college). 

I didn’t like that it that all the curriculum we got from mom and in our Christian co-op on government and civics were overly religious and mixed Bible scriptures with information about the American government- I think these should be both be taught, but separately. 

Sabrina: I didn’t really learn formal testing techniques until I got to college (because we were so relaxed at home), so for a while tests caused me some anxiety. I probably could have benefited from doing formal style testing earlier. I also might could have used a bit more people interaction a little earlier, but I’m not sure if I just think this because I’m naturally introverted and have had be intentional in this area.

The hardest part of my homeschooling was the year mom and dad got divorced, and dad was in charge of my math education, while mom covered everything else. As a result, I had to repeat a year of math, and I felt that that put me behind for high school.  (PS from mom- this was a failed experiment the first year after the divorce, and after that, we paid for tutors instead of dividing up subjects between households).

I did feel mentally/educationally well prepared by homeschooling for “the real world,” although I was kind of overwhelmed emotionally my first year at community college. I’m glad I did dual credit there while still in high school so I could get past that hurdle before it was time to go to college full time.

Daniel: Learning social skills takes more effort and being more intentional because it isn’t built in.

What advice would you give to homeschooling families?

Cassandra: If your kids are into something specific and want to read or watch all on one subject or genre during a season of time, there may be a deeper reason, don’t blow them off or worry too much. (Mom got a little worried during my fantasy phase, but that’s one way I dealt with stuff that was going on.)

Being in a homeschool group is more important the older you get.

You want your kids to be able to connect with kids who aren’t homeschooled. So while you are sheltering them, make sure they are still in touch and can carry on conversations with kids their age who are going to school.

Going to community college and doing dual credit courses while I was still in high school was a good decision.  It helped prepare me for college and was a good adjustment period.

Sabrina: When you are homeschooling be sure to maintain a good relationship with your kids as their parents. Because you can’t really separate your relationship with them as parent from your relationship with them as teacher, it is extra important.

It is an excellent opportunity for parents to enforce the values the kids need.

Daniel: Get your kids in a co-op or else be really intentional about getting them into extracurricular activities or they aren’t going to be able to talk to people in the real world.

Will you homeschool your own kids? 

Cassandra: I don’t know. If I don’t, it won’t be because I didn’t have a good experience but because I would doubt my own abilities. I would want to, though.

Sabrina: Um, I want to say yes. I would hope I would be able to. I would definitely pray about it.

Daniel: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Too far down the road.

Details on and links to Anderson homeschool favs:

Veritas Press History Cards

5 sets of cards = 5 years of History. Uses whole books as resources and has many project options. Anderson family secret- it usually took us two years per set instead of one as is suggested. The girls went through them together, and Daniel by himself a couple of years behind them.  Veritas Press now has an updated online video version of the curriculum we have, as well as still carrying the original physical history cards we used.  When I told my super modern kids who do everything on their phones there is now a video version of their beloved history curriculum they were quite upset- “BUT WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!”

Jim Weiss, storyteller, GreatHall Productions

He totally inspired me as a young homeschooling parent when I heard him speak at a conference, and my kids adore anything read or told by him. We have most of his collections.

Story of the World, all volumes in audio

Great for car time, so it isn’t wasted. Material gets more mature as it goes, but first volume was always the favorite and good for all ages. (You can play it no matter what history curriculum you use and it is a great educational supplement, but it really goes well the Veritas Press History Cards). They also have their own full curriculum which we didn’t use.

Drive Through History DVDs

All excellent! Some new ones have come out since we were watching.

The Visual Bible, Book of Matthew

This has remained a family favorite over the years at every age- we watched it on VCR tape, then DVD, and we still watch it and have Biblical discussions.  Great way to get a positive impression of Jesus, great for Sundays.

School House Rock

When you need to put something on for kids to watch but you still want it to count educationally. These catchy songs have never been topped for teaching parts of speech:

The Lord of the Rings Audio Book

I strongly recommended you have your kids listen to the unabridged audio before watching any of the films. It was take a while, but well worth it.  Counts as English literature. Can put it on long before kids would be able to read them to themselves. May be over their heads, but always clean, never inappropriate.

The Chronicles of Narnia

Definitely read these to your children or let them listen to the audio books, or both before watching the movies. If it is too late, still go back and read or listen to them all. So much here. Be sure to go with unabridged.

One favorite Anderson activity: Shakespeare in the Park.

An affordable and fun way to introduce your children to the classics! Shakespeare Dallas puts on three plays every summer, and two nights a week admission is free/whatever you can donate. Do take the time to read a play overview before you go, as not all of Shakespeare’s historic plays have appropriate content for children. The comedies were our earlier choices.There will always be sexual humor in the comedies, but in Shakespearean English will generally go over the heads of the littles. The picnic venue is kid friendly and even if they don’t understand all the words the activity on the stage, along with the picnic and being outside at night, will generally keep their attention. They may even get to help pass the Bard bucket! And by the time they are in middle school it will all make sense. My adult kids still make this a priority to do every summer.

PurposeGames 

This is an internet site we used a lot for geography game quizzes to reinforce whatever curriculum we were using. (American kids tend to be weak in geography so we did our best to counteract that.) They have lots of games in other subjects as well.

Cassandra’s audio book picks:  Jane Erye by Jane Austen, Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter (all Gene Strator Portor books have tons of biology and ecology mixed in with great literary fiction), Radio Theater version of Anne of Green Gables, The Cat of Bubastes told by Jim Weiss.

 

Cassandra’s favorite books for reading:  Mark of the Lion (Historical Fiction) series by Francine Rivers, Hadassah (Biblical fiction) by Tommy Tenny, Ranger’s Apprentice series (JF) by John Flanagan, (Australian author, uses words considered mild profanity in America) The Giver (JF) by Lois Lowery

Cassandra in her current position as nanny has two updated kids TV show suggestions- “Super Wings” gets a thumbs up (some educational content on geography and culture albeit bad accents) and “PJ Masks” gets a thumbs down for bad attitudes, whinny talk, and no educational value.

Sabrina’s audio book picks: Tale of Despereaux (JF) by Kate DiCamilo, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, City of Ember series by Jeanne DuPrau (excellent for understanding relationships, politics, how wars start), 39 Clues series (JF) by various authors (good fiction incorporating lots of geography and history), Egyptian Treasures, Mummies and Myths by Jim Weiss.

Sabrina’s favorite books for reading:  Restorer series by Sharon Hink (Christian fiction/fantasy series that got a rare thumbs up in this genre from the fam), The Hunger Games series (YA) by Suzanne Collins (“I don’t really like Katniss, but it helped me understand depression.”)

Daniel’s audio book picks: Gregor the Overlander (JF) series by Suzanne Collins (Pre-teen and middle school, good for understanding complexity of relationships and the politics of class, race and othering- one of Roxanne’s favorites too), 39 Clues audio books (middle through high school), Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan (middle through high school), Sherlock Holms (late high school).

Daniel’s favorite books for reading:  Ranger’s Apprentice series (JF) by John Flanagan, The Maze Runner series and the Mortality Doctrine series by James Dashner (High school), Ender’s Game series and other books by Orson Scott Card (middle school-high school), The Martian by Andy Weir (late high school, large amounts of profanity.)

A few of Roxanne’s picks for pre-K to early grade school kids: 

Magic School Bus books (fun science)

The Boxcar Children books (also good in audio), great for encouraging positive sibling relationships

Francis books (good for early readers)

Heroes for young readers books (the ones you won’t find in libraries) 

Mr. Rodger’sNeighborhood on DVD (quick, before they outgrow it)

And Grade school:

Missionary and historical biographies from YWAM publishing, some complete with unit studies

Usborn TimeTraveler

The classic PBS show Reading Rainbow, now available on Amazon prime

Roxanne’s picks for parents to read:  

Slowand Steady Get me Ready for Kindergarden (260 Weekly developmental Activitiesfrom Birth to Age 5) by June R. Oberlander,

What your (1st, 2nd,3rd etc) grader needs to know, Fundamentals of a Good Education, The Core Knowledge Series, edited by ED Hirsch

About High School:

In high school I followed the TEA(Texas Education Association) guidelines for what subjects and how many years of each (credits) should be covered in high school.  To meet these, I used curriculums of my choice at home, co-op classes with tutors, and dual credit classes at community college: 

Anderson innocent classic and highly nostalgic movie picks:

101 Dalmatians, AristoCats, Robin Hood (Disney cartoon), Prince of Egypt, Joseph King of Dreams, White Christmas, Sound of Music.  They have literally never stopped watching all of these movies from preschool age until the present. (Along with many, many others once they were old enough.)

Biggest flops and failures for us:

Math U See, CD ROM or internet based curriculums like SOS (Switched on Schoolhouse)- admittedly they have improved over the years, but this type of educational approach just wasn’t for us at the times we tried to use them. Also dividing up homeschooling responsibilities between parents -admittedly getting separated and then divorced probably put more of a damper on this than it ordinarily would with both parents living congenially under the same roof.

So, what are they doing now?

After high school graduation, both Cassandra and Sabrina went on to get their Associates at Mt View College. (This picture is of Daniel graduating from high school and Sabrina graduating from college on the same weekend.) After that, Cassandra worked full time in childcare and as a nanny and saved up and paid cash for a car, and has just enrolled in massage school. Sabrina has been working for the past year as an LA (Library Assistant) at the Irving Public Library.  Daniel has a job as a barista at a coffee shop and has started college this month in the cyber security program at Richland College. They all still live with me- and their dad- splitting their time between the two households much as they did when they were younger.  

And so ends the saga of the Anderson family homeschool, now closing its doors on this final chapter. I'm so grateful to have them a little longer as they move into successful "adulting". They seem to be good with having me around too.

Final word of advise.  Tell your kids "I love you" a lot, and never stop, no matter how much conflict you have, or how old they get.  Because above all, if our kids know they are loved, by their parents and by God, they will be prepared to face anything.