Why I let my daughter go to India

Many people were surprised when a homeschooling mom who wouldn't even think of dropping her kids off at the mall actually let her 13 year old daughter go to India for a month with her ex.

So, you want to know why I did it? This is one of the reasons.

This is my daughter with her cousin, Victor. He is thirteen years older than she is. Before this trip, they hadn't seen each other for nine years. And not a week of that nine years has gone by that Cassandra hasn't mentioned Victor with longing.

How well I remember. I, too, was once a 13 year old girl child and the oldest. I too wanted a big brother desperately at that age. Not having one either, I also fixed that longing on older male cousins. Mine weren't quite as far away as India, but sometimes it felt like it.

I would have given anything on the planet to have this moment with any of them.

Or this one.

This is Victor on his wedding day. Cassandra had expressed concern almost to the point of tears before the trip that Victor might be so preoccupied by getting married that she wouldn't have any quality time with him. I didn't want to see her get hurt, but I confess, I also wondered.

And this, my friends, is where I made a mistake. You see, I was thinking like an American, not like an Indian. Victor not only paid attention to Cassandra before, during and after the wedding, he asked her to ride with the two of them in the wedding car. I don't think I have to tell you, this wouldn't have happened with an American couple. It was a five hour drive. Cassandra said Nitu fell asleep on Victor, but just before she did, she pulled Cassandra over so she could fall asleep on her. And the three of them slept together in the back of the car on the long road from Calcutta on Victor and Nitu's wedding day.

And then, there were other beautiful Indian things.

The traditional reception:


The bride and groom getting a blessing from Victor and Cassandra's grandfather when they arrived at Victor's parents' house.

The impromptu dance party in the street on the wedding night. The bride came out from getting henna to join in the fun.

But for Cassandra, her time with Victor outweighed everything else. When I heard this, I was satisfied. It doesn't matter that I am not technically a part of that family any more. Cassandra is. She belongs. She has her cousin's love and shared a moment of time with him that will last forever.


  1. That looks like an amazing trip! I'm so glad that Cassandra got to go and that she wasn't disappointed.

  2. I love the way you think. I want to be a great Mom just like you are. You are one to admire, and I do.

  3. Thanks Joy, Katy and Mackenzie! Mackenzie, you are already a great mom, and doing a wonderful job with your boys.


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