Beautiful people get happy endings.
The rest of us get supporting roles.
The single guy that I met briefly at a church conference a
few months earlier, who was the same age as me, had just posted wedding pictures on Facebook. His bride was beautiful, a slim but shapely blonde, who
looked about ten years younger than her groom - and me. They had met and married
in a brief period of time, and he was thanking God for bringing him someone so
perfect.
She really was gorgeous.
And I really was happy for them.
I wrote “congratulations to you both” and moved on.
It’s an ongoing experience for many single average-looking women
like me in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. While some of us might possibly be interested in a
relationship with a man close to our own age, those men have their eyes on the
younger, prettier, slimmer women. And it
is perfectly realistic- because sometimes those women are happy to consider dating someone
ten years older, and not quite as attractive as they are.
Because we women, God bless us, are usually willing to look past
a fair number of items in outward appearance.
A few extra pounds, some grey hair or lack thereof, a couple of less
than perfect features, may all be overlooked for a kind-hearted man with a good
character. Particularly if he has a job and is financially stable.
As well they should be.
Unfortunately men aren’t generally wired- or encouraged- or
limited- to doing the same. Fallen human
nature as it exists on planet earth still puts maximum value on us women based
on our youth and appearance, as it always has. No matter how much we may progress
in some pockets of the globe, it is still a thing. Our education, strength, wisdom, and experience as females will not generally win us romance, if those atributes are not also accompanied by good looks.
And after all, if a man can have a relationship with a woman
prettier and younger who is just as nice as the older ones with a few extra wrinkles
or pounds, why wouldn’t he?
I could make an argument for my superiority in some areas to
my younger less experienced sisters, but I won’t. It is what it is, and I’m not
the competitive type.
Instead, I like to focus on the joys of “the supporting
role.” There are lots of benefits, actually, to being an average
looking woman in middle age. Women aren’t
likely to be jealous of me- so I get the opportunity to make more friends. I can “blend in” to lots of settings without
getting unwanted attention. When I am
friendly, my intentions aren’t misunderstood.
And I can support the beautiful people in getting their
happily ever after.
Being able to be a small part of making another person happy
is actually an amazing thing. Having done it a
lot now, I believe that vicarious happiness is some of the best in the
world. I feel this happiness when I
support my adult children in their endeavors and relationships. I feel it when I deliver a baby for a sweet
young couple who are deeply in love. I
feel it when I help an apprentice become a midwife. I feel it when I help two people work through
a misunderstanding and communicate and restore their relationship.
And sometimes I feel that happiness just watching people interacting
that I don’t even know. It is like catching
a whiff of a delicious fragrance while out on a walk, and standing still for a moment
to breathe it in.
Because happiness-joy if you will- really does have a scent. I swear I can smell it when I see parents playing with their children,
friends laughing together over coffee, and couples holding hands. And most days, I don’t mind being a spectator or a supporting
character as long as I am where I can smell the happiness, and enjoy the view.
It’s just a different way to get a happily ever after.
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