tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8875301118187280082024-02-07T22:45:46.034-06:00Roxanne's Wild WorldWILD: 1.living or growing in a natural state. 2. enthusiastic 3.turbulent 4.not easily controlled
5.reckless WORLD: 1.the earth 2.the universe 3.mankind
4.people, generally the public 5.some part of the earth 6.individual experience, outlook 7.a large amount
THIS BLOG is Roxanne's natural, enthusiastic, sometimes turbulent, not easily controlled, occasionally reckless individual experience with a large amount of the earth and the general public, and her outlook on the universe and mankind.Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-41892534094432772322021-12-23T17:23:00.002-06:002021-12-24T06:25:59.792-06:00A Birth in Bethlehem <p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><i><br /></i><p></p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgLFPbrdMyWLh5T4Ld09xMaspntcKQwfzaJwppAO6CjTBXbkHVZftjJf2dQm4MtMpGmGJ6A0ief-evq_rpZQyjyOt8FDxTaU0Dx-KQw70C6YzoMjqM5_TDDReN430EDpHrkNR7-8RsgRmTlEZuS1WCXfcRdhcWjO0fNaPUTwapktAgNYH20E6E7VNaZ=s1600" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgLFPbrdMyWLh5T4Ld09xMaspntcKQwfzaJwppAO6CjTBXbkHVZftjJf2dQm4MtMpGmGJ6A0ief-evq_rpZQyjyOt8FDxTaU0Dx-KQw70C6YzoMjqM5_TDDReN430EDpHrkNR7-8RsgRmTlEZuS1WCXfcRdhcWjO0fNaPUTwapktAgNYH20E6E7VNaZ=w640-h480" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Breathe in, breathe out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Breathe in, breathe out.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary held onto the rough trunk of the date palm as she
paused in her walking to take another labor pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were still short and spaced far enough
for her to take many steps in between them, so she knew her time wasn’t close
yet.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe tonight the baby would come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As the cramping deep in her body subsided, she took another
breath, raised her head and looked down over the village.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day was warm, but here on this little
rise away from the main part of Bethlehem she could feel a breeze, and it
cooled the perspiration on her face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though she had enjoyed a hearty first meal of bread soaked in olive
oil with some cheese provided by their host a couple of hours ago, she felt
like she needed to eat something else to give her strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking high up into the tree, she noticed
there were still plenty of dates left, in spite of the fact that the first
harvest had already been made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As they
were far too high for her to reach she turned her gaze to the ground to search
and see if some had recently fallen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sure enough, she quickly found several that were still firm and intact.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIWNC2n0c5-BpRi5OcjhbfMMceMLqajOcSiQ0jmptEe2M4BFS3PkpfNfiMWCohLr3QqMR8hF67HwXKnykfGxodSSlZsDBPAGUMLamUnJAiePszO2RcWG6KaizRPInh-RUqLnOXo9D29dN1r2n16Sr_CLKAd2xId0kRAyCWQbzfRs8N70Pzo1OsVBGi=s690" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="690" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIWNC2n0c5-BpRi5OcjhbfMMceMLqajOcSiQ0jmptEe2M4BFS3PkpfNfiMWCohLr3QqMR8hF67HwXKnykfGxodSSlZsDBPAGUMLamUnJAiePszO2RcWG6KaizRPInh-RUqLnOXo9D29dN1r2n16Sr_CLKAd2xId0kRAyCWQbzfRs8N70Pzo1OsVBGi=s320" width="223" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Sliding down to sit on the earth with her back supported against
the tree trunk, she savored the pithy sweet flavor on her tongue as she slowly
chewed and thought about all that had brought her to this place and this
moment. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">It had been a little later than this time last year in
Nazareth when the visitor had come to see her. She had been alone inside her
family’s home preparing food when- what she now knew was an angel – came
inside, greeted her, and then sat
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She almost jumped out of her skin
at the irregularity of this bold entry and formal greeting of a stranger, but
the angel quickly reassured her, and then gave her a message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was going to have a son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mind went numb initially as this
information hit hard up against the fact that she was a virgin. But when the
angel said it would happen by the power of the Holy Spirit, inexplicably in
that moment her heart opened and accepted the revelation as perfectly reasonable.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had given the angel her word as the
Lord’s servant that she was willing.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Later when recounting the event to her parents it had felt
so much less real and reasonable, particularly when seeing their faces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They didn’t say so out loud but it was clear
they doubted her, even when she brought up the Messianic prophesies written by
Isaiah that every Jew knew by heart, that said a virgin would birth the Messiah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Her betrothed, </span>Joseph, took it particularly hard when they
passed the news to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told her
later he was ready to privately break their engagement, but then the angel came
to him as well to confirm she had told the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From that moment he had been on her side, and
ready to defend her.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">It was for this reason that he decided to take her with him
when he had to come here to Bethlehem for the census. As unusual as it was to
deliberately take such a long hard journey at the end of her pregnancy, she had
felt at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She remembered the words
of the prophet Micah that mentioned Bethlehem as the birth place of the ruler
over Israel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As far-fetched as it
appeared, it looked like Yaweh had ordained an entire Roman census just to get
them to Bethlehem in time to fulfil this prophesy. If that was the case, the
God of Abraham would surely protect them.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">And He had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had
joined a group of travelers also going south to their various birthplaces for
the census.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been a somewhat large
company and they had all walked together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As she was not the only woman traveler, and there were also children
among them, the pace was easy for Mary to keep up with even in her state, and
they took frequent stops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weather
was perfect, not too hot or too cold, and there were plenty of date trees along
the way that they could gather fruit from to supplement their provisions.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Things had changed when it was time for the group to turn
east toward the valley of Jordan that ran alongside the Jordan River in order to
avoid going through Samaria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was
the established Jewish custom, so much so that no one discussed it as they
paused at the divide in the road to rest before continuing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Mary looked at Joseph’s face, she saw him gazing
down the alternate road, straight south to Samaria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With an intake of breath she instantly
guessed what he was thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could
save days by not veering east and taking the long way around.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Nervously she had glanced at the rest of the group as they picked
up their belongings and started toward the Jordan valley, then looked back to
Joseph. Without speaking, he asked her
with his eyes if she was willing to break tradition and go through
Samaria. As unthinkable as this was for Jews
to even consider, it dawned on her that they were already so far beyond
everything traditional, that one more thing wasn’t going to make it any
stranger. And God would surely protect
His Son, no matter what road they took.
She took a deep breath and nodded.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">And so, in spite of the vehement and incredulous protests of
their fellow travelers, including some from the older men who pulled Joseph
aside to try to reason with him, they had finally set off on their own toward
Samaria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">After it was just the two of them they had unconsciously
walked more quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The road was
unfamiliar but well-trod, as plenty of Romans and Samaritans regularly used the
route.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon Mary had forgotten her
concerns about traveling alone (though she suspected Joseph remained fully
alert) as they walked through a part of Israel they had never seen before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the days went by they noted the fertile
soil and the abundance of grapes, olives and barley, all ready to harvest. As
they finally made it to the top of one of the hills outside of the city and
stopped to catch their breaths, she was shocked to see how large and wealthy
the city of Samaria appeared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she
asked Joseph about it he told her that King Herod had chosen to focus much of
his lavish spending and elaborate building projects here in order to honor the
Roman emperor Caesar Augustus. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">How ironic, Mary thought, savoring the dates under the shade
of the tree, as she thought back on her first view of the amazing city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All that wealth spent by a Jewish king to build
up a city most Jews would never see, to honor their Gentile oppressor, who taxed
the poor Jews out of their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">prutahs.</i><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As they carefully descended the hill toward the city, she had
wondered where they would stay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before
turning toward Samaria they had stayed with relatives, and since then they had
been turning off the road at the end of the day and erecting simple shelters in
groves of trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Normally once back in
the villages or towns they would seek a relative’s home, but they had no known
relatives here.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">They had just decided to camp outside the city when they saw
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jacob’s well. There were rough inscriptions
in Greek, Arabic and Hebrew and another script they couldn’t read on a large
stone nearby identifying it. The spiritual significance of camping by the ancient
well of their own patriarch was not lost on either of them, and they instinctively knew they would be safe there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By then
it was past the time for the evening water drawing, so the place was deserted. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had quickly made a fire and settled down
for the night.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As Mary pulled herself up from sitting under the palm tree
and began to pace back and forth to get the circulation back into her legs, she
pondered again the dream she had that night by the well in Samaria. In it, a
Jewish man was standing by the well speaking to a Samaritan woman under a
blazing noon sky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In her dream she could
only see the man from the back but he felt so familiar it was as if she had
always known him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">She hadn’t shared the dream with Joseph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt very private and too holy to try to
put into words, so she had tucked it away to think about in moments she was
alone.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As she walked back and forth reviewing the dream again, she
felt a shift inside her womb and then more pressure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it was subtle, Mary decided it was
time to head back down to their host’s home and perhaps have them send for the
midwife. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was glad Joseph had decided
to go through Samaria, or they might still be traveling at this moment instead
of having a couple of days to settle in to their relative’s home before the
baby arrived. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Breathe in, breathe out.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">It felt farther heading back down than it had when she
walked up here over an hour ago, and the pains seemed to be lasting longer
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she slowly approached the home where
they were staying on the edge of the village, she saw Joseph coming down the
path from the other direction, followed by a motherly woman with a kind face. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joseph’s expression went instantly from serious
to relieved when he saw Mary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He ran to
her, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>walked beside her for her final few
steps, and then introduced her to the midwife, Anya.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Anya put a practiced hand on top of Mary’s womb, nodded at
its firmness, then took her by arm and led her through the doorway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inside the tiny home both rooms
were full of people, warmth, smells and sounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The guest room had already been occupied by another traveling family when
Mary and Joseph arrived, so their host had insisted they share their own room,
along with the animals who were stalled at the back with their own entrance. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mary had initially hesitated, seeing how the
family of four was moving themselves all to one pallet on the floor to make
room for them, but the traditions of hospitality and family responsibility were
unbreakable, and besides, she was tired and ready to make a little nest for her
and the coming baby. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Breathe in, breathe out.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Her hostess smiled and handed her a piece of dried
fish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You must keep your strength up,
Mary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a long way to go yet.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary accepted the fish gratefully and chewed as she made her
way to the corner they had prepared for her, with layers of blankets on top of
clean straw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She lay down on her side as
the midwife instructed, and closed her eyes for a minute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She couldn’t tell if the pains had leveled
out or if she was just getting used to them.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Breathe in, breathe out.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">She must have dozed off although a part of her mind was aware
that her pains kept going and that the daily activity in the room continued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was also dimly aware that Anya was quietly
sitting at her feet, hemming the edges of what would be the baby’s swaddling clothes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">The late evening sun was streaming through the doorway when
an intense pain brought Mary to full consciousness with a jerk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She gasped and sat up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anya was still next to her and put a hand
reassuringly on her leg and reminded her, “Breathe, Mary,” and then when her
pain subsided it subsided, handed her a gourd of warm water mixed with herbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">“Drink this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will
help your labor progress.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary obediently drank the warm herbal blend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was comforting.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">“Where is Joseph?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">“He is out in the field helping Malachai with the sheep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me to call him when you woke up.” Anya’s
brow furrowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Do you want him inside when
your time comes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know the men usually
wait outside.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary answered without hesitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I do.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Anya nodded thoughtfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“You are young and not in your own home so of course you will feel most
safe with him nearby.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As another strong
pain gripped Mary, Anya became more alert. “I will call Salome now, so we will
have all the help we need.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">The rest of the evening was a blur to Mary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the nighttime darkness crept into the tiny
house and filled it up, her pains picked up their pace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joseph washed his hands and feet outside the door and quietly
came in and lit the candles, while the other family members and guests
considerately slipped out and went up to sit outside on the roof.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anya got Joseph’s help to place a rope over
the rafters to hang down in a loop of the right height for Mary to hold onto
and squat down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Salome kept the fire
going in the small stone kiln and frequently brought warm water for Mary to sip
on. The animals at the back of the room were restless, sensing something unusual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The goats stamped and bleated, and the
chickens clucked anxiously, unable to settle into their boxes with all the
noise. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Breathe in, breathe out.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary was sweating now as the full force of advanced birth
pains surged through her body with barely a break in between them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held onto the rope and swayed, trying to
breathe instead of moan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anya came
behind her and put pressure on her lower back, providing momentary relief. “It
won’t be long now,” she murmured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Soon
you will be pushing.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Anya moved around to squat in front of Mary, and Joseph
instinctively took her place behind Mary and put counter pressure on her back
and hips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As her labor pattern shifted
into the final stage, Mary felt her body begin to push of its own accord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Following Anya’s instructions, she held onto
the rope and bore down hard, allowing her body to drop into a deep squat. She
hung almost her entire weight from the rope, griping it tightly, feet flat on the hard packed
dirt floor and pushed down through the pressure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the contraction eased, she stood up and
gasped for air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Salome slipped a spoonful
of honey into her mouth, and said gently, “This will give you strength.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary didn’t respond, but she swallowed the honey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She felt like she was going through a dark cave in which it was difficult to comprehend what anyone was saying or see what they
were doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All her consciousness was
wrapped up in this child coming through her flesh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mind reached out to find the words to
hold onto, to give her strength to finish.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFIrVi9LWK57OTaTGhvo1pNf_24O8_WAoWkB6pymKcWyAQj7H8zW-M3g5a6ZBRP22N5f_z3lRvkGWiGOjVWDhRp7jW9-kFB4zhYJUQkQaoTYFnqZElVz2b1-Ttno96sCh74qmqWxxITx9MsFbIbz_sFQfAttUNtitStoCgyio991qw82peaNs3R4je=s480" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFIrVi9LWK57OTaTGhvo1pNf_24O8_WAoWkB6pymKcWyAQj7H8zW-M3g5a6ZBRP22N5f_z3lRvkGWiGOjVWDhRp7jW9-kFB4zhYJUQkQaoTYFnqZElVz2b1-Ttno96sCh74qmqWxxITx9MsFbIbz_sFQfAttUNtitStoCgyio991qw82peaNs3R4je=w640-h480" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">I am the Lord’s servant.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Push Mary!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">I am the Lord’s servant. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now rest and breathe!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Be it unto me according to Thy word.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">“Push again!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Be it unto to me according to Thy word.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">“Deep breath, Mary!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">According to Thy word.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Suddenly there was a large splash of water, like a
waterfall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joseph exclaimed in surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anya and Salome uttered joyful prayers of
thanksgiving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Mary, your waters have
broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your baby is almost here!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">He shall be called the Son of the Highest.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Mary, stop pushing for a minute now, his head is coming!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Of his kingdom there shall be no end.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Joseph, hold her up!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shall be called
the Son of God.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary felt burning, then more pressure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The head is out!” announced Anya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“One more push for the shoulders, Mary!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Joseph, his hands under her arms supporting her, uttered a
prayer for strength and Mary breathed it in and pushed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With a final gush of fluid, her child slipped
out into the waiting hands of Anya.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">The cave vanished and the room exploded into colors. Mary
heard herself laughing and crying at the same time, along with Anya, Salome and
Joseph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joseph, still behind her, guided
her down to sit on the clean blanket on the hay. She fell back against his
chest, took her baby from Anya and held him to her breast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gurgled and then cried loudly, and they all exclaimed
in praise again at the sound. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">The cheering was echoed up on the roof over their heads as
the rest of the household responded to the welcome sound of new life with
praises to Yaweh.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary took a minute just to hold her baby close, then pulled him
back from her body to look at his face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She had wondered over and over again, what would the Son of God as a
baby look like?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would he be
angelic?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would he look Jewish?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Would he look like her?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">The face that looked back up at her, was every bit as
beautiful, and every bit as normal, as all the babies she had ever seen. The squished up ears and slightly cone shaped
head did nothing but give the impression of any other freshly born baby. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary put him to the breast as Anya and Salome got the
placenta out and cleaned up the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They brought her soup to eat that had been simmering for hours, and Joseph fed it to her as she continued to nurse. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">After the cord was cut, Anya rubbed the baby with salt,
wrapped him in the freshly hemmed swaddling cloths and Joseph held him while
the midwives gently bathed Mary, put a fresh robe on her and made her comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She felt such incredible peace and joy looking
at her baby in Joseph’s arms that she thought she would burst, and she saw the
same expression reflected back to her from Joseph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">With a sigh, she lay down. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was ready to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked Anya, “Where will the baby rest
tonight?” She was worried in the small space that someone might step on him
when the family came down to go to bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Anya smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“We have
it all worked out.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She showed Mary how
she had prepared a makeshift bed in the manger that usually held the animals’
food. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“He can sleep here until he is
ready to feed again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure he will
let you know when he is hungry.” She chuckled. “He has a strong voice.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Mary closed her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In her mind she thought she heard singing, but maybe it was another
dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God had kept His word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God had been with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As she drifted off to sleep the song became clearer as it floated
through her dreams. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth peace, Good will
to men.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjaQ1aLF3LeOwYuP4gN-1P6SgrVHgcPgXKTa45v4mFZp9_3Vdu6A7suWPqOPgmbmpQrtP0gHwrHtu8tHYg1qnfkVnkfCvrprcPwfcjDRGe_rt4PkXnLA-xBzQnvCwvNmWXiruH9EAcKJxOJeCEPzbYJHrPBOlK9DYav6idEUoNGlaLmW4QmMhIvVKPu=s475" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="475" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjaQ1aLF3LeOwYuP4gN-1P6SgrVHgcPgXKTa45v4mFZp9_3Vdu6A7suWPqOPgmbmpQrtP0gHwrHtu8tHYg1qnfkVnkfCvrprcPwfcjDRGe_rt4PkXnLA-xBzQnvCwvNmWXiruH9EAcKJxOJeCEPzbYJHrPBOlK9DYav6idEUoNGlaLmW4QmMhIvVKPu=w640-h304" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Post script: I have long wanted to write a fresh take on the birth of Jesus using a combination of Biblical, extra-Biblical, historical and cultural information, my knowledge as a midwife, and my own imagination while at the same time eliminating many of the well worn assumptions. This year I finally did it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. <o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i> </i></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-48599260847557201872021-11-16T17:10:00.055-06:002021-12-27T19:31:25.299-06:00Dating log, Stardate 2021<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This is my first blog post in 2021- and it is November. That is the longest gap between my posts since I started this blog in 2010.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This has been a strange year indeed. As most of us are, post 2020 but not yet post covid, I've been figuring out this brave new world. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And of course it would be in 2021 that I would decide to gird up the loins of my emotions and foray into the jungle of online dating. It stirred up a lot, including my need to write slam poetry and other poetry-like collections of words to express the rollercoaster that this was for me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Also by the end of it (not for this reason alone) I ended up in weekly therapy.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqzp9Oy2k9Y4u_CLZz5qmxKQTDvhr8HsD1LwDMt-eY23VLBCOX41xUR12Aju7U-q2nFi0KQJlathXV62TBwelUJA7qZrw8on100G6j4NilJs79oFh2Wx2HvWgFat0yCJdnSFqtCzSAuY/s2028/dating+after+50.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2028" data-original-width="1954" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqzp9Oy2k9Y4u_CLZz5qmxKQTDvhr8HsD1LwDMt-eY23VLBCOX41xUR12Aju7U-q2nFi0KQJlathXV62TBwelUJA7qZrw8on100G6j4NilJs79oFh2Wx2HvWgFat0yCJdnSFqtCzSAuY/w385-h400/dating+after+50.jpg" width="385" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So today you get a year's worth of entries that I wrote in my personal journal throughout the year.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">This blog is the account of my dating adventures and personal feelings that were brought up in the process. Poetry included. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">First, the stats!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Between April and November I went on a total of 21 dates (I am using this term loosely to mean times I met up with someone in person for more than 10 minutes), split between 5 individuals. There were also approximately 5 additional "virtual dates" each lasting an hour or less - and (interestingly) none of those were followed up with an in-person meeting. There were many other individuals with which I exchanged messages and texts, as well as a few phone calls.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Platforms sampled in the great dating experiement: Facebook Dating, Eharmony, Bumble, Christian Cafe and Christian Mingle. Favorite platform (surprisingly) Bumble. Two individuals I dated came from Facebook Dating, three came from Bumble, none (except virtual) from Eharmony, and none of any kind from Christian Cafe or Christian Mingle. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">I am happy to report, I had no situations in which I felt physically unsafe. I also learned something valuable from every person I spent time with.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">And yes, I am still single. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Today I am temporarily deleting my dating apps and putting a pin in this adventure until (perhaps) next year.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">For pure entertainment I am sharing some of my take-aways, lessons, poems and favorite profile snips, in no particular order. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>If a Gen X man is keeping up with my texting speed and pacing, having an intelligent conversation, plus using memes and emojis correctly, he probably either has ADHD or is catfishing. </b></i></span></p><p><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">We text different scenes</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Than the kids swiping </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"> Left and right</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Instead of sending pics of body parts</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">We send pictures of what we are cooking for dinner tonight </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Our bodies are no longer</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Our greatest commodity </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Instead it’s our souls</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Which are as scarred and stretched </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As the middle aged tents </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That house our broken pieces of life</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Now we seek someone </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Not perfect without flaw </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">For finally we are wise enough</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Not to seek the impossible </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Rather for someone whose</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">broken pieces aren’t too sharp</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Whose fragments fit with ours </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">our own broken shards</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To make a mosaic </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">instead of a new crime scene </span></p><div><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>A phone call or a video call before a potential date can save a lot of time.</b></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">I.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Sure dude,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Talk to me on the phone for the first time</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">After a few drinks</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m taking note</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of your overall lack of good judgment </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tell me too much</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m listening </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Your story isn’t half bad</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Neither is your voice</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So I’ll give you a half hour</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">of my time </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tonight </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So I won’t waste your time</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tomorrow.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">II</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">Stood up for a phone call twice</span><span class="s1" style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Once for sleep </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And once for food </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Priorities, Amiright?</span></p><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>If you get someone to talking, they will tell you everything you want to know. Just listen and pay attention.</b> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I think back to the questions</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You asked me when we met</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And realize </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">They were all actually questions</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">About you. To see if </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I was the right size for you like</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You were </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Trying on clothes at the store</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do I like what you like</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do I watch what you watch </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Will I go where you go</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Am I </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Your kind of woman</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You don’t know</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I am not a jacket you can pick up and wear</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">On your life as it is </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I am </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">a large tree that cannot be moved </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You cannot possess me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You cannot move me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>have my own roots</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">My branches may entwine with another like</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">The Two Trees </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You can’t chop me down and turn me into fire wood to cook your food </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or into lumber to build a bed for yourself. </span></p><p><i style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></i></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><i>The most frequently used word in men's profiles is patio. </i></b></span><b><i><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Men apparently spend a lot of time on patios.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">What is happening on the patios!!!???</span></i></b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Almost all men who reference love languages say their love language is touch. </i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>The majority of men state they are seeking an affectionate loyal partner with no drama and no baggage to accompany them on road trips and to sporting events. </i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Everyone likes to travel and likes the beach. Most men like fishing and/or golf. Selfies are taken in vehicles, in the gym, and in bathrooms.</i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">No man says</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">On his dating profile </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for a strong kick ass lass</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for an opinionated nitche witch </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for a survivor with scars who still knows how to love hard</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for someone to heal and be healed by</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for someone educated to challenge my mind</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for someone complex to keep me in line</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for some drama so I won’t get bored </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Looking for someone with a challenging career I can support </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I swear if I read one more profile with the word patio </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m not your patio girl </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’ve got stuff to do</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">(Hopefully you do too)</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Will you support me </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">(And let me support you)</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or do you you only want someone to lay with you </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">after the sports and the fishing and the weekend trips are through</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I can save a woman’s life with my bare hands </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Breathe life back into a baby </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That’s why fishing bores me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And sports seem empty </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But after I save lives </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I need you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To bring me back to life</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And I might not be able to do much as a wife</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Till you listen to me, feed me and let me sleep a day and a night </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But when I wake</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You’ll see</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">What it means </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To share life</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">With someone strong like me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’ll roll over in bed and love you hard</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Then get up and do all the things </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Oxytocin runs the world you see</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I can even join you on the patio </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Till my phone rings </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Moments with me are worth hours, hours are like days</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But a lot can happen in an hour </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Just ask a midwife </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">A midwife can suture you back together </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">when life hacks you up</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Breathe life back into you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Have your back </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Be your back up </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But you have to see her first </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Hold her first </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Not hold stuff over her</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Not hold out on her</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">She doesn’t deal in that shit</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Her life can’t orbit you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Her trajectory is already set</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Around the sun</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So it all depends</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">If you are strong enough </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">to be her moon</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To pull her tides into shore</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or her planetary rings</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Circling and holding her </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">In a mutual identity </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Completing the missing part </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of her soul</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">One thing is for sure</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Join your life to her</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And You’ll never be bound to earth. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And you’ll never be bored.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>I've now seen more pictures of fish than I knew existed in the oceans and rivers and lakes of the entire world.</b></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Sir,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m going to need you to put down the fish </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Take off the hat </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Remove your sunglasses </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I need you to move slowly away from your truck</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And your boat</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And your bike</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And your dog</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As well as your half grown and full grown kids</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I get it </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You are figuring this out just like me </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">How do we even know who we are</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Without the people and props that have gotten us this far </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But you have to try so</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Please sir </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Put down your fish</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And come sit down</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tell me the story</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of who taught you to fish </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of your journey to the lake</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the one who got away</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the time you went home empty </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And the time you went home with ice chest full </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the spices you used to season it</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the taste of it on your tongue </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of who ate it with you </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the taste of her on your lips as you made out afterward</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of why she got up and walked away </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of what happened to you next</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Let me see you </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And then flip the script and </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Take time to see the one who saw you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Take time to find out</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">My story too</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Turn yourself off</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tune into me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Listen to my voice</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As I listened to yours</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And let’s see</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">If our stories</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Will converge </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But first sir,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Put down the fish </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Before someone gets hurt.</span></p><div><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Sometimes a date is just a chance to hear a person's story.</b></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You told me </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">your unvarnished story</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">It blew me away </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You’ve walked so far</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Been shot so full of holes </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But you kept on going </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You didn’t paint yourself the hero, the victim or the villain </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">just the protagonist of your own story</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Falling and getting up, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Getting up and falling </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I had the strangest impulse </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To wash your feet </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To honor your horrible journey </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Hey don’t worry about that hip</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Jacob also walked with a limp </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You’ve got this </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Don’t relapse </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Keep walking </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Keep talking</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Keep trying </span></p><p><i style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></i></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>If you are sure you aren't a fit, don't keep going out with someone for the sake of company.</b></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I found myself </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Leaning towards you</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">After just two dates </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Adapting myself </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Being who you wanted </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Ignoring my own concerns and desires </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And giving priority to yours </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Keeping most of myself underwater </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Like the iceberg </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Whose tip is beautiful </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But below the surface is the real formation </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Dangerous and sharp</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">What, did I think that part of me would melt and go away</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">While your cruise ship was docked </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">While you had shore leave </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">While you admired the way the sunset bounced colors </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Off my surface peaks?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I told you the iceberg was there</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And you said you knew</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And didn’t care </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I didn’t have to change for you</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">It would work itself out</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Clearly you’ve never been diving in these particular waters before </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You liked my green eyes but you didn’t know </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">what they have seen</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">What they still see </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">how they see through you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And you said “we really connect”</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But that’s because you connected </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">With the parts of me you wanted </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And dismissed and disregarded</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">the disconnected extensions</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">With different voltages </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That were there</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">if you had eyes to see</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I let them be visible a few times </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">to see what you would do</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But you stepped over them</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And went to get another drink </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You told me our differences aren’t that different </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But that’s because you don’t really see me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You think you do </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You say you do </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But I know when I am seen </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And when I am not</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I have lots of practice you see</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And as my 20 year old son says</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">If after you try to explain it to someone who doesn’t get it</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">They just don’t get it</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Some people just don’t get it</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And that’s ok </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But they can’t be your partner </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And as my 26 year old nephew says </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">They aren’t going to change from what you see </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">on the first date </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">or the second </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That’s the best they’re going to be</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">If you don’t like it</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do everyone a favor</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And walk away</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Seems the products of conception </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Of the previous generation </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">The offspring of iceberg moms</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And cruise ship dads </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Who took their shore leave </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">With their trophy wives </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And got electrocuted </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">By cords disconnected </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">While the children had to jump</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Into the frigid waters </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">When the Titanics of their families upended with a groan</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Broke off at the bow</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And sunk to the bottom </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Treasure and all </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">They learned the hard way </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">What not to do</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And now send back their wisdom for me to know too</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So I listen </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And I leave</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I won’t sink your ship</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And you won’t be taking your shore leave on me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Tempting as that may be</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Taking this treasure with me:</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Seemingly </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I expected it to be </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">so hard</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So bad</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So much suck it up</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To get a little of what I want </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But that’s absolutely not right</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And not how it needs to be</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That’s my take away </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">From two month of texting </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And two month of testing </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And two months of inner wrestling.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>You can meet someone really nice that you really like and it still not be a good match.</b></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You text me while you are listening to live jazz</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And ask </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">you doing okay ? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I don’t know what to say </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do I tell you my neighbor </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Just came over and told me her</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">husband died</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do I tell you my son just came home after two weeks away </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And has Tae Kwon Do in the morning </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Do I tell you I’m watching a Korean drama because that’s what my girls are watching </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or do I say </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Hell no, I’m not okay </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">The world is falling apart while </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You are listening to your son play jazz and </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m watching a Korean fantasy with my daughters</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">From Afghanistan to Haiti </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To next door </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And I’m feeling the world’s pain </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Oh, you mean me personally </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I don’t know how </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">To decide </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">How deep to go</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">In a casual text exchange </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Pretty sure you are just being polite </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">And I don’t want to scare you away </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So I decide to tell you I’m waiting to go to a birth </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Which for me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">pretty much says it all </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">These days</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>Later:</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Sure enough </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I got it right</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You are so polite</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">But not interested</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">In diving into the waters</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">I live in</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">To swim all night.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">I understand</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">All the best my friend</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">And thanks for the sushi</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Again</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>In trying to figure out a certain pattern I started noticing, I found this, and it made a lot of sense: </b></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvV3vSX6C2Ji638wCUWiPLVldVizuHno5ELyMwTpxomD0Gv_Muyv1BY0zyuoj7HU1FniGHUWSlI4IOS60eOAAGTpu6n2iXL0vYRIXe_ZCHcrxSLkzxfmqpI7trmq1wAeqobaFFYtWWe3c/s750/IMG-9083+%25282%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="479" data-original-width="750" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvV3vSX6C2Ji638wCUWiPLVldVizuHno5ELyMwTpxomD0Gv_Muyv1BY0zyuoj7HU1FniGHUWSlI4IOS60eOAAGTpu6n2iXL0vYRIXe_ZCHcrxSLkzxfmqpI7trmq1wAeqobaFFYtWWe3c/w400-h255/IMG-9083+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Sadly, I'm learning not to expect most Gen X men to be as in touch with their feelings - or sharing them- as Millennial or Gen Z guys. I have so gotten spoiled working with the younger men that are the husbands and partners of my clients, not to mention interacting with my adult son. The men are getting better, ya'll. </i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>I still have hope.</i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Will you hold me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">When I’m holding the pain of others</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Will you carry me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">When I’m carrying the weight of the world</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Will you listen</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">When I need to download </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">All that’s been told to me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">All I see</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">All I feel </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or is it too much for you</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Meaning, am I too much for you</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Can you sit with </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">What I live with </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Who I am</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">What I grieve </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And not minimize </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And not gloss over </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And not tell me to move on</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And for god's sake</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Don’t man-splain</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or patronize </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or tell me what to do</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Just hold me</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">In all my strength </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And in all my weaknesses </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">So I can hold on</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To everyone else holding on</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i>M<b>ost Gen X men put their political leanings on their profile or otherwise let you know where they are coming from these days, but if not, it's a really good idea to clarify before meeting if you or they have any deal breakers.</b></i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Trigger warning: gun violence. </b></i></span></p><span style="font-size: large;"><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">“You don’t have a problem with guns do you?”</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I freeze.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Hands up don’t shoot </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I can’t breathe </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Mama</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And it’s not what you think </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">How do I answer your casual assumption, your leading conclusion </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Leading away from what I want to say</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I have a problem with guns because my mother was shot and killed by one</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I have a problem with guns because one of the ways my Black neighbors are being murdered is with guns </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I have a problem with guns because guns are killing </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Children in schools</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Elders in churches </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Young people at concerts</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Women in their beds </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">People in the streets </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I have a problem that some people’s right right to have a gun</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">In this country </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Is more important than </span>other people’s right to live </p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">In this country </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">My thoughts race, while my tongue waits and then</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">You fill the silence and tell me with a shrug that you were in the military </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">As if that explains it</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Then you tell me how many guns you own </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And say that you keep them all loaded</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And I freeze all over again </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And feel some kind of way</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">You saw a white Texas girl in boots </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And wrongly assumed </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I want to tell you </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">How I really feel</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I’m afraid of an intimate partner violent </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That to keeping my friends alive you represent a threat</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I’m not anti-second Amendment I’m just pro life </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I don’t want you to label me liberal when I know that will spark strife </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">That I don’t want to to discuss all this on a first date and end up in a fight </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Because now I </span>realize you might be carrying </p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">So I think that I must be quiet </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">But the truth is</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I just now figured out</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">I guess I do have </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">A problem with at least some guns</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And those may be your guns </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">And the truth is it only takes one</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">So I think actually, we’re done.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1">Check please </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p></span><div><p><b><i><span style="font-size: large;">White male priviledge is absolutely a thing. The first time I went out with a white guy (remember I was married to an Indian man and never dated before that) I was absolutely shocked at how differently people treated him/us in public spaces. I knew about this theoretically, but experiencing this for myself put white priviledge on a whole new level of alternative reality.</span></i></b></p><p><b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Understandably, these guys generally don't want to hear about this or discuss it. Which puts me in an awkward position.</span></i></b></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have to hide parts of me <span class="s1"></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Not to scare you away</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m a kick ass</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Bad ass</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Feminist midwife </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">A goddess grown powerful on oxytocin, adrenaline and holy R rated adventures </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to frighten you</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’m guessing you want me soft </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">So I veil myself with softness </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Like Moses coming from from the mountain and <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>his face to face with God</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Like mine His face too bright </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Too disturbingly transformed </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">From seeing truth and power, death and life</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I smile </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As you tell me about yourself </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I nod </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As you talk about yourself </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I make soft sounds </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">As you tell me about your day</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I like your voice, I do</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I like you too</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">But I can only stay </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">behind my veil of softness so long </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">When it slips off,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Will you turn into a ghost?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or will you shoot at me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Because that threatens you?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Or maybe I’ll go first </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I don’t want you to be scorched by my brightness </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">That I instinctively know </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Will hurt your already </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Sunburned skin</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Nor do I want to be shot at</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">For being who I am.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div><p><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>At some point you tell yourself, this is good experience for ...something, right?</i></b></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Escape room</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Just for fun we sign up</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Pay our coins</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Go up, get locked in</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Then the fun begins</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Look for clues</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Brain used</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Beat the clock </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Don’t stop </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Laughing and running </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Shouting and cussing </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Ask for clues</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">If you get stuck </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Knowing that</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Someone is watching</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Cameras high</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Won’t let you die </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And when the timer rings</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">It’s all up</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Like this dating game </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I have to play </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">God watching </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Throwing me clues when I ask </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Letting me figure other things out</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">So I will learn this shit</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And maybe </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">End up with someone </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or maybe not</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">You never know at the beginning</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">How it will end </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I hope I win</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">But at least I’ll live.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Sometimes you meet a good guy who just doesn't say much</b></i></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">NPC</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">I didn't think they existed</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">in real life-</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Non player characters,</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Those in video games</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">With predetermined</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">behaviors that potentially will</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">impact gameplay</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">but will not</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">be the product</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">of independent intelligence.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Anyway</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">You did everything right</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Right on cue</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">like opening doors</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">and taking the check</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">but then there was nothing</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">left to say or do.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Not unpleasant</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">But I can't play a game </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Alone very long</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">With just an NPC</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">You need to log on</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">And engage with me</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Level up</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Get a life or two</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Get some powers</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then we'll see.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><p></p></div></blockquote><div><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><b><i>If they have to ask you what egalitarian means, that's your answer. </i></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">You want a P31 woman?</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Well how about a Judges Chapter 4 female</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Part Deborah and part Jael</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I sit with wisdom</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Under a palm tree</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Helping people</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Judging fairly </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Until it’s time to fight</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Then I give men courage</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And go into battle at their sides </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And if they miss their cue</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’ve got a tent peg or two</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And I’m not afraid to do </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">The dirty work because</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">That’s what strong women do</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">We roll up our sleeves </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And wipe the tears</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Staunch the blood</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Feed the hungry</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Defend the poor</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Take up swords when we need them</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Beat them into plowshares when we’re through</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Plant the seeds</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Pull the weeds</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Water the goods </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Harvest the food</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Don’t be afraid of us</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">We are your allies </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Your best defense</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Your friends, sisters, mothers and lovers</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Embrace us in our strength </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Don’t be threatened </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Empower us </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And we will power you.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Dating will bring up your old stuff. Run don't walk to the nearest therapist. </b></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">I’d like to be someone’s first choice </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not someone’s “do you ever straighten your hair” choice</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or “Blondes are my favorite but you’re cute too” choice </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">or “Whatever I guess you’ll do”</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">choice.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not “ It doesn’t matter what you say” choice “because I know better anyway” choice</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not “I’m attracted to your body, but I don’t really know you” choice “or care to” choice because “that’s way too much trouble and this whole thing is about what I want not what you do” choice. Which goes with the <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>“I’m not really invested in listening to you or understanding you” choice. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">So yeah, also not down for “your body looks hot but who cares what’s inside your head” choice, or “when do we get to have sex” choice.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Because just to be clear</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’m not the leftovers </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’m not the snack</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’m a full gourmet meal made from scratch </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">With a lifetime guarantee </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And no expiration date </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’m not an “any girl will do” to sample</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Because I’m not just any woman for you to handle</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’m someone who deserves someone </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Who knows the real crux</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Is if they are lucky enough </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To be my choice </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><b>Egalitarian Hopes and Dreams, Medieval Style</b></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;">Give me a partner</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Who will not surge ahead</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Nor lag behind</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">But walk at my side</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Shoulder to shoulder </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Shield to shield </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Sword in scabbard </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Ready to fight with me</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or endure the journey </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Someone who, like me</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Defies the dragon of age</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">The monster of comfort </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">The serpent of superiority </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Who drinks with me from the fountain of youth</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Knowing it will only postpone the inevitable </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">But will take each extra year as a gift</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not to stroll through the vineyards at home </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And sip wine in peace</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">But to go on another quest </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To make the world a little less dark and dangerous </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">For someone else </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I am like the kings of old</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I wish to die in battle</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">My sword in hand </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not at home in bed </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I know what this means </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">By odds</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I will fight alone</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">For what man of my generation </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">With the privilege of choice</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Would choose hardship </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Unless lit by the same wildfire</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">That burns in me</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Most with that fire,</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">were mated long ago</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And are now still knit in happy union</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">With the wives of their choosing </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Those men not bonded in their youth</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or those who left their wives</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or who were left by their wives </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Populate the taverns </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Frequent the brothels </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And scoff at me standing outside in the way</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Vainly looking for a companion </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">They mock my mission </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">They call to me to join them for a drink </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Or a roll in the hay </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">So I walk away</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Perhaps as I travel </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’ll find another old warrior like me</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Perhaps not</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">But I have no choice </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Because my strange fire </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Won’t burn in a domestic hearth </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">It would go out in a fireplace </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">It only burns brightly</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">On a naked torch </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Held high in the night</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Men like their fires to stay home</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To cook their food and warm</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">their bones as they age</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Not wandering in the woods</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Seeking the lost</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Nor do they want to be the one</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">To welcome the warrior home</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And wash her wounds </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">There might be one </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">Perhaps our paths will cross</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">I’ll think I'll know him if I see him</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;">And maybe he’ll know me.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><b><i>A great quote (which I will remember for next year):</i></b></span></p></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCulYkb1eQvMYM_j93Pl2RhZiXz2vn2DxSU0UeJfg_wBuNekzbeDE6M5FPTsCoPLyFqC7xd4EQmxml-aaBkaXRb-wYG3H8u3W3UMHRQROPAEMp0PKC_wRoir5u-dBD2lvZoZkBLTnov4U/s960/stop+texting.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCulYkb1eQvMYM_j93Pl2RhZiXz2vn2DxSU0UeJfg_wBuNekzbeDE6M5FPTsCoPLyFqC7xd4EQmxml-aaBkaXRb-wYG3H8u3W3UMHRQROPAEMp0PKC_wRoir5u-dBD2lvZoZkBLTnov4U/w324-h400/stop+texting.jpg" width="324" /></a></div><p></p></div></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 27.4px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"> </span><span class="s1" style="font-size: x-large;">And to end on a light note, here are t</span><span style="font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">he winners for men's profile posts this year that made me laugh:</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"If we ever date you tell no one that we met on the internet. Our story is: we met saving a puppy from a burning building."</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"The space ship I was on pulled over for a bathroom break. Apparently they didn't do a head count prior to leaving! So here I am on Bumble trying to find a good woman to spend time with on this planet while I try and MacGyver a new ship together."</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"cannabis grow room consultant. Is twist psycho salvage. Moved back to stay with my dad before covid hit now im stuck I can't drive anymore bad vision. Must be able to drive to meet me.420 responsible loving caring good harted like rat rods,cars,trucks, motorcycles I was a motorcycle mechanic before I lost part of my vision.If you not drive here to meet me don't respond.must like dogs I want another 1. I do use "</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"Looking for someone to buy drinks and dinner for so they have to listen to my rockstar jokes."</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"Listen, I don't want to brag but I once picked out a movie to watch on Netflix in under 30 minutes. I'm Vaccinated too. I'm looking for a woman who is mean clingy and jealous. Must hate Tacos. In my free time I like to take my shirt off and post with dead animals. Hi 5's with strangers at a bar, every 2 minutes? Yes Please. Wanna hear about my car? Well you're gonna. Oh and I hate to laugh. So hurry up and swipe right, because I can't live with my Mom forever."</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><i>"Let's skip the endless texting and find a patio."</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLyHsOba4RvDdIglAmmZSdqHWAm_GPhVbIRWUYH4UwiN6T3jnspwj4rEzVJytlSuKs23VPy7Wp__FaEWhIJHR7bjWfhzzYxy819MBnATe9JrC8c2d9qAmXTOYPdKoxboVznQnHuBSPtzU/s480/32bae55af5f52f7a652644ee3ae49bd5.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="359" data-original-width="480" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLyHsOba4RvDdIglAmmZSdqHWAm_GPhVbIRWUYH4UwiN6T3jnspwj4rEzVJytlSuKs23VPy7Wp__FaEWhIJHR7bjWfhzzYxy819MBnATe9JrC8c2d9qAmXTOYPdKoxboVznQnHuBSPtzU/w400-h299/32bae55af5f52f7a652644ee3ae49bd5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Aftermath </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">(Added on December 2nd - what would have been my 26th wedding anniversary)</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Dating is like </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Raking my soul over hot coals</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Singeing off the calluses </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">That took years to build up</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Like a mediocre guitar player</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">With seasoned fingers </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I had learned to play solo </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">comfortably and well</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Simple common tunes </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Pretty enough </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If somewhat rote and dry</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Now my raw bloody finger tips</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Can barely move to form </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The most basic of chord progressions </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Or hold a pick to strum</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Why did I sacrifice my comfort </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And basic skill level</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">For the remote chance </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">That I could learn to play </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Complex intricate music </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Arrangements for two</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It’s because I’m haunted </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">By the distant sound</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Of a siren melody</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Begging to be learned </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cajoling to be played </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Calling me to join in</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">But so elusive </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;">Riff reclusive</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When I try to follow </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">To capture it</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Play along </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And learn just a measure</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Of that lilting duet </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It slips away</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cutting my fingers to shreds</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">As it slides again out of reach </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Mocking me with its faraway echo</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Leaving me alone </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">And bleeding in the silence.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(77, 81, 86); color: #4d5156;">“Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?” - Ron Swanson, twice divorced, (Parks and Rec)</span></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><i><b>Someone asked- Do you think any of these men will read your blog? And the answer is no. So far I have not met anyone in the dating context who cares enough to take the time to invest anything beyond a cursory glance to the words that show who I am and how I feel, even when offered directly to them. </b></i></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><i><b>So far...</b></i></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p></div>Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-9271940311854834612020-04-12T08:24:00.000-05:002020-04-12T08:24:44.005-05:00A Different Easter<span style="font-size: large;">I have memories of many Easters and many Easter Services.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Quite a few of them were from the perspective of someone serving in a volunteer church position.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Some American pastors have called Easter "the Christian Superbowl", and in terms of the lead up, hype and work involved, the label certainly fits.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This is expected to be one, if not THE, highest attendance Sundays of the entire year. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anticipation of this fact often eclipses the joy of the season.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Instead of spending the days leading up to Easter/Resurrection Day in spiritual contemplation, the work horses of every congregation are putting in dozens if not hundreds of extra hours in external preparation. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Extra music practice, easter egg stuffing, sactuary/platform deorating, service rehersing, sign ordering, cleaning, usher meetings, brochure printing- so many many things. It falls on pastors, worship leaders, children's workers, ushers, the AV crew, volunteers in every department. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The attendance may be DOUBLE the usual. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(That's a lot of extra prep for children's crafts. Just saying.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It can really wear people out. While the result may be beautiful and meaningful to those who simply attend, behind the scenes there is a lot of stress. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Plus, there is the personal pressure almost everyone puts on themselves of Easter outfits. All the kids must have new clothes, shoes, socks, and mom is supposed to look like she didn't wear herself out aquiring said clothing and getting the kids to look like (as my grandmother would say) they stepped out of a bandbox. And there are Easter baskets to shop for and prepare. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Because, there must be pictures of all this to post on social media later. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">All of these may eclipse the joy of the day. Hopefully not, but it can certainly temper it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">However this year is the most unique Easter Sunday in American history. As of yesterday, every US state is now under a major disaster declaration due to the coronavirus pandemic. The US death toll from the virus is now the highest in the world, over 20.000. Over 1.5 million people world wide are infected. The whole country is under either social distancing or shelter in place orders.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Kinda puts a damper on the egg hunts.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I know there has still been a lot of work behind the scenes by pastors and AV folks in particular, setting up vitual services, recordings, live streams, Sunday School by Zoom. I know some churches are having "drive in" services. I know some congregations in lieu of Easter baskets have put together "care baskets" and distributed them to folks who needed them. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(Kudos, by the way.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">However, all in all, much less focus and ways for people to spend weeks on external prep for Easter Sunday Services. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I'm hoping, really hoping, that some of the folks who worked their tails off year after year serving in churches are finally getting a break, in an odd sort of way. I'm hoping they can set aside the uncertainty of our times for just a moment and have a real day at home with family. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(And if you are out working an essential job today, instead of being home with family, a big thank you to you - may His resurrection joy be yours as you go about your work. )</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm praying on this dark day in our history, the brightness of the hope of the Resurrection comes pouring through to our hearts. That, with less focus on the Easter service and Easter outfits, we can focus more on the spiritual excitment of the fact that Jesus is Risen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">He is Risen Indeed!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was a dark time and place in history that Jesus came out of the tomb as well. Occupation, oppresion, fear, turmoil were all there. Most of his followers were in hiding at home when He emerged from the tomb, victorious over death and the grave. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But the Light of His life was brighter than all that darkness then, and just as certainly, brighter than all of the darkness in our world today. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Hold onto that Light. Happy Resurrection Day, my friends. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFPmJazGCGV4vX-tCC081chtoKAUnSGaFs_6fuEgdSb2gCmF3pELKDOvH_OtofjUoqS4HTXbqvoe8NwcbBUsGFTSc2ZGtAOWppNIY3rRtSDx273D805VEFVBE0M_iAdUvO7lr-H2hv9Iw/s1600/Q0738_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="487" data-original-width="768" height="403" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFPmJazGCGV4vX-tCC081chtoKAUnSGaFs_6fuEgdSb2gCmF3pELKDOvH_OtofjUoqS4HTXbqvoe8NwcbBUsGFTSc2ZGtAOWppNIY3rRtSDx273D805VEFVBE0M_iAdUvO7lr-H2hv9Iw/s640/Q0738_m.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Romans 8:11- But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give live to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.</span>Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-56573616288428163422020-04-03T19:36:00.000-05:002020-04-03T20:13:02.776-05:00Midwifery in the Days of COVID-19, a movie<br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #282828; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">"Everybody knows
that pestilences have a way of recurring in the world, yet somehow we find it
hard to believe in ones that crash down on our heads from a blue sky. There
have been as many plagues as wars in history, yet always plagues and wars
take people equally by surprise."- The Plague by Camus</span></i></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I didn’t want to go for a walk yesterday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I wanted to go back to bed at noon and hide under my
weighted blanket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>“The world is changing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(LOTR)</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I didn’t want to do yoga this morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I wanted to lay on the couch and drink heavily spiked
coffee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>“The world turned upside down.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Hamilton)</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t want to think about doing my next birth with
PPE (Personal protection Equipment). </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I want to do births the way I have always done them,
fully engaged with my body as well as my mind, without a mask pressing dents into my
face, and my breath fogging up my protective glasses.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>“The average person
touches their face three to five time every minute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In between that we’re touching door knobs, water
fountains and each other.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Contagion)</i></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But I’m doing all these
things. I don’t feel like doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
today I’m not reading one of my books or adventure stories, or watching a sci-fi
dystopia or doomsday film.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m living this scary movie in real time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it came on quick. Just six weeks ago I was
planning my fifty-first birthday weekend in New Orleans. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now I've sent my kids away for their protection, am living in isolation (officially known as "shelter in place") and go only between my house and
my job as a midwife at a birthing center.</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>“This is our routine. </i></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><i><span style="background: white;">Day
and night, all we do is survive. It never lets up. He tells me how these
streets were crowded with people </span><span style="background: white;">just...
going about their lives. Heh, must've been nice” (The Last of Us)</span></i></span><strike style="text-decoration-line: underline;"><o:p></o:p></strike></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As one of the only 319 licensed midwives in the state of Texas,
suddenly my health is of great importance to a great many people.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Beyond that, as a fifty-one
year old woman with a history of asthma and respiratory disorders I do very
much hope to avoid tangling with COVID-19 for my own sake as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">However, there is this
problem of isolation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not want to
end up like Will Smith talking to his dog and a mannequin and memorizing Shrek
word for word. <i>(I Am Legend)</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Except for me that
would be my cat and the childbirth education baby doll and memorizing the
extended version of Lord of the Rings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Okay, I’ve already done
that, but still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could get worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could start speaking exclusively in Elvish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i> “It does not do
to leave a live <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">dragon</span> out
of your calculations, if you live near him.” (LOTR)</i></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Amazingly, I still have
conversations with people almost daily either in person on online who still
refuse to believe this is a real threat. They think it is a joke,
overblown by media, or a conspiracy theory, or, a combination of all three of these. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I try to be kind to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Good thing they can’t
see the expression behind my mask.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>“Most people don't
believe something can happen until it already has. That's not stupidity or
weakness, that's just human nature.” (World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War) </i></span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i> </i></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I understand the
denial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As a Christian I
struggle the most with other Christians who are using their faith in God as a
cover for ignorance or denial or pride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I fully understand
the misuse of “faith” to minimize real-world risk, because I have walked that
path, and seen people die. As a follower of Jesus, I do have faith but I also
know full well I am mortal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">My faith is not that my
God will keep me from dying as much as it is in where I will go after I die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #010101; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“What one does when faced with the truth
is more difficult than you’d think.</span><span style="background: #fbfbfb; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> I learnt this the hard way, a long, long time ago. And now, my life
will never be the same...</span><span style="color: #010101; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">” (Wonder
Woman)</span></i><span style="background: #efefef; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I had one night
recently where I faced that fear, the fear of dying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hard part was, realizing that the place I
have always felt the strongest, most confident and most safe- the birthing
room- was now the most dangerous place in the world for me as a midwife.</span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“You never know how
much time you'll have” (The Host</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">)</span></i></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I did not like that
feeling. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love birth, and the birthing
room has always been my safe happy place, a haven in a fallen world, where
everything is as it has been from the beginning.</span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I called a midwife
friend for help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She reminded me, “Think
of the people you are serving, who are able to stay out of the hospital and be
safer at this critical time because of you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found my way out of the dark place, and
back into the brightness of the birthing room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I found that once I was there, everything was still as it always had been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Turns out, once I am with a person in labor, I
forget about COVID-19.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I forget about
risk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost forget about my mask -except
that my nose keeps itching. I don’t think about anything except the beauty of
birth, the strength of women, and how I can support that strength and be the
lifeguard I need to be of this sacred moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So I want to reassure
all the birthing families.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we take all the necessary precautions, I
just want you to know, this is still your midwife behind this mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you are still strong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And birth is still holy and good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And I will not let that
change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Sam Wise Gamgee: “It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be
here. But we are. It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that
really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you
didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the
world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it's
only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will
come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the
stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small
to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in
those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because
they were holding on to something.”<o:p></o:p></span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Frodo: “What are we holding
on to, Sam?”<o:p></o:p></span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: 6.75pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 13.5pt; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: #404040;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Sam: “That there’s some good
in this world, Mr. Frodo. </span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: 6.75pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 13.5pt; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: #404040;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">And it’s worth fighting for.”</span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Welcome to my movie, midwifery in the days of COVID-19.</b></span></div>
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<br />Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-73762060551210987272020-03-07T18:44:00.000-06:002020-03-08T10:15:13.450-05:00If You Love a Midwife (or a midwifery student)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">For all the parents, partners, children and friends
who have a midwife or midwifery student in their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Midwife means “with woman”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This means midwives have a calling, a passion, a compelling to spend their days and nights supporting birthing families during the life changing and
intense season of childbirth. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Midwives also live their lives exposed to unusually
high levels of estrogen and oxytocin. If you are lucky enough to have one as a
part of your family or close friend group, here are some things you need to
know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Estrogen is a group of <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">a steroid hormones. It is the primary female sex hormone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Oxytocin’s nick name is
“the love drug”. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So living on this cocktail,
means midwives – assuming they are female- are essentially goddesses. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">JK, but feel free to
bring food and drink offerings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;">Most people don’t
realize there is a lesser known <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130722123206.htm" target="_blank">dark side to oxytocin</a>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it makes us feel more loving and cuddly
(the reason midwives sometimes want to come home from births and make babies)</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"> if a person experiencing higher levels of
oxytocin simultaneously has a negative or stressful experience, this hormone activates a
part of the brain that intensifies the memory. This means the midwife may have a
greater susceptibility to internalizing the traumas they manage - a potential "side effect" if you will. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">It’s no wonder that
midwives who live on this hormonal cocktail while dealing with many extremely stressful
events on a daily basis <a href="https://ganm.nursing.jhu.edu/the-world-needs-more-midwives/" target="_blank">have a high statistical likelihood of anxiety, depression and burn out.</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Studies have shown that primary factors
that make a midwife more likely to burn out are lack of personal support and lack of professional
recognition.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So everyone who is a
primary support person for a midwife is on the front lines of helping to offset
the extra potential they have for burning out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Think for a minute about the significance of this term "burn out". Something can burn out sooner because it is burning brighter and hotter and at faster rate than usual.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinv7SLILgwMAEANScyMhoCLJon_xhaa-UdxLL_YsEgXsu24ug6el1DlCS-ztfSniiRV8UWoI72KLY_SUlzYKZl3DxpRl0zu-7rrHzpX8rLCne59-ScwAZti_QopNcqeaDsg6oYV_ksx1M/s1600/smokeless-wedding-sparklers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinv7SLILgwMAEANScyMhoCLJon_xhaa-UdxLL_YsEgXsu24ug6el1DlCS-ztfSniiRV8UWoI72KLY_SUlzYKZl3DxpRl0zu-7rrHzpX8rLCne59-ScwAZti_QopNcqeaDsg6oYV_ksx1M/s640/smokeless-wedding-sparklers.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I cannot conjur a more apt image of what it feels like to give your life to the practice of midwifery.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">In one room, I use my doppler to help a first time mother hear her baby's heart beat for the first time and she and her partner cry tears of joy. I walk directly into the next room to cry tears of grief with another woman having a miscarriage. Then I stay up all night to sweat with a third woman screaming to push her child triumphantly out of her body, and leave the room covered with her bodily fluids to take a phone call from yet another woman who is struggling to breastfeed and having postpartum depression.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="background-color: white;">It's quite a fire. It warms me, fuels me and gives me unspeakable joy and great satisfaction to serve in this way, but also uses me up and some days leaves me charred and brittle. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2kVk02rd6NvN_a2puQhOjFHXEPLw7esxDsW6jr1_tw37n8hPjDUdbF0uZ7wvXTy9YO9y0Ljbe86_I6TslL_K3iaeCo4WHrds27SaKJhF13vdwBlXmhgR7ymuYllfS9fy7PuGM4nl2sTY/s1600/79988791_2545726165699249_1325636377395593216_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2kVk02rd6NvN_a2puQhOjFHXEPLw7esxDsW6jr1_tw37n8hPjDUdbF0uZ7wvXTy9YO9y0Ljbe86_I6TslL_K3iaeCo4WHrds27SaKJhF13vdwBlXmhgR7ymuYllfS9fy7PuGM4nl2sTY/s640/79988791_2545726165699249_1325636377395593216_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="background-color: white;">So helping to maintain this fire </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">is an extremely
important job. When you support a midwife, you are also supporting every birthing family and baby she cares for.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And in case you haven’t
heard, <a href="https://www.propublica.org/article/midwives-study-maternal-neonatal-care" target="_blank">we don’t have enough midwives in the world as it is, </a>so it becomes even
more important to sustain and preserve the ones we have. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">With that in mind, all midwives have a few important
love languages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They include</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Lack of judgment for being gone for long hours and
missing events</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Nourishing food</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">A made bed</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Listening to birth stories</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Understanding that they pour gallons of their souls
out into the well of their profession, and come home mostly empty, fragile, and
without much to give for a bit.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Awareness that they feel some degree of conscious or
subconscious guilt every time they leave their own family to care for someone
else’s. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Water (We are chronically dehydrated)</span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Partners, I know you’ve been “holding down the fort”.
I know it’s been hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But realize what
they’ve been doing is hard too, super hard, and it doesn’t end the second they
get back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They aren’t ready for you to
hand everything they usually do at home right back to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Part of the support is not just what you do for your
midwife person when they walk out the door, but how you receive them when they
walk back through the door.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">They are often tired, hungry, nasty, empty, drained,
missing family and wanting to be with them, but also desperately needing down
time or sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You see, midwives gets lots of affirmation outside
their home, from their clients/patients, but then often come home to folks who are
grouchy, whinny or disgruntled that they have been gone for so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a hard thing, to be so exhausted, feel
like you’ve done something wonderful and important, and then to have it
indirectly (probably unintentionally) discounted and minimized by those closest
to you in such short order.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Fortunately, it isn’t complicated to remedy this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some simple starters that will go a
long way. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What a midwife needs to hear:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">I’m so proud of you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">What you did today was awesome.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">Your work is important.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">You are amazing<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">I’m so lucky to be married to/have a parent/have a
friend/have a partner who is a midwife.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">You must be exhausted.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>You must be hungry –can I bring/make/heat up some /food
for you? (</i>extra points if you bring this to them at a long birth)<i>.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Drink this water</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">I’ll bet you can’t wait to shower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about I make you some food while you get
cleaned up, then you can eat and tell me about your birth/day/ night/ shift before
you go to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>What do you need most right now?</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Just some things to think about, if you love a
midwife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are actually pretty
lucky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">After all, how many people get to
make dinner for a goddess?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOsSRRZzlgaefyygsyP6Jg3uQQk_4dHN-fj12HfrBTRy3L9LVAx5xrTbe7Yqk1ipyTFpV0HLWzZWwoS5Xlvq9ogNDIsfC6SbCOVHLMw8zsn-v-bA-BrsL1CIEzA0tPJ0CulPC5v-_cMU/s1600/IMG_0987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOsSRRZzlgaefyygsyP6Jg3uQQk_4dHN-fj12HfrBTRy3L9LVAx5xrTbe7Yqk1ipyTFpV0HLWzZWwoS5Xlvq9ogNDIsfC6SbCOVHLMw8zsn-v-bA-BrsL1CIEzA0tPJ0CulPC5v-_cMU/s640/IMG_0987.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>PS- Big thank you to my adult kids: Cassandra (who made this food for me after my last birth), Sabrina and Daniel who have learned over the years all the best ways to support their midwife mother.</i></span></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-36091007882238176442019-08-18T22:34:00.002-05:002019-08-20T17:51:46.665-05:00They Will Survive Your Mistakes<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Guess what? I'm no longer a homeschooling mom! I officially finished homeschooling my three children in May of this year. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And after
(successfully?) homeschooling three kids K-12, I figured at least a blog entry on
the topic was indicated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know some
parents have turned this life experience into an entire book or books with long
lists of “how tos” and sometimes whole curriculums, or speaking opportunities
in front of conservative audiences and a booth of products at the annual home
school fair. But all those seemed a little presumptive for a survivor like
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay a lot presumptive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So anyway, here’s
my blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stream of consciousness, to
resist any “here are your steps to success” presumptive tendencies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">People, I AM
DONE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WE HAVE SURVIVED! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope to never darken the door of a
homeschool book fair or home school co-op again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizOI47PjmZlXlX4a9Z0LKVigj1xucAaaacGJy_6F3kLMIrctuDWBqNMCHS2v6rQGK71yXxke9_avfjlkDZzBtkNjI3eHFh1v1oPngrw096tkue6_4uvr6QoK8MWX0pIzKqmn5PWqfEbc/s1600/unnamed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1104" data-original-width="1600" height="440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizOI47PjmZlXlX4a9Z0LKVigj1xucAaaacGJy_6F3kLMIrctuDWBqNMCHS2v6rQGK71yXxke9_avfjlkDZzBtkNjI3eHFh1v1oPngrw096tkue6_4uvr6QoK8MWX0pIzKqmn5PWqfEbc/s640/unnamed.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Okay, maybe
that’s a little extreme, but just being real here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I love my
kids, loved educating them, but homeschooling hasn’t always been fun, and
interacting with the greater homeschooling community hasn’t either.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">People are
people and just like in most groups, those that rise to leadership in the
homeschool world are not always the nicest. If you are in a co-op you’ve probably figured this out already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(And you thought it was just yours.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Good
individual tutors/teachers of particular subjects, on the other hand, will save
your bacon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These nice people may be
found quietly doing their thing in co-ops or sometimes independently at their
kitchen table.For your middle school
or high school kid to get a good math or science tutor when you suck at these
subjects could literally be a game changer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I personally considered it worth the weekly drive and every penny.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqCsWqW5XjemZ3B5WJED-vyQ68HPBSdintsJ-JM8IL_ovxth99TCYrkxPBQaFx2OlMa7q9DLVFoZ4IHDU8ebWx-yutXU8aJAHMJk_ReDogi13_qPXw5cDbKQ7kpqZrTFxBCWgxxr_vgXA/s1600/IMG_0636.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqCsWqW5XjemZ3B5WJED-vyQ68HPBSdintsJ-JM8IL_ovxth99TCYrkxPBQaFx2OlMa7q9DLVFoZ4IHDU8ebWx-yutXU8aJAHMJk_ReDogi13_qPXw5cDbKQ7kpqZrTFxBCWgxxr_vgXA/s400/IMG_0636.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But, if you
decide not to join a co-op or a group when your kids are younger, that’s cool
too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes a lot of energy and if you
happen to still be nursing a baby or chasing a toddler all day, energy is definitely in
short supply. As an alternative you can find some other home-schoolers (or mothers with kids the same age who don't homeschool) to do
things with from time to time- Facebook groups are great ways to find friends
and connect for play dates. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have
a good church or other faith community, they can become a significant part of
your kids’ social group as well.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When your
kids are older, I would recommend making co-op membership and attendance more
of a priority. My kids benefited greatly from co-op activities like dance classes, participating in drama and performances, going on senior trips, and having a real graduation ceremony, not to mention access to good tutors and the opportunity to meet friends. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Kids do need
friends and social interactions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
they need their parents more at young ages, so don’t feel pressure to join a
co-op when they are little, if it seems overwhelming. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Just
remember, there is no secret formula, or best curriculum, or perfect schedule
planner, or ideal group. You just pick one you can afford that appeals to you,
and stick with it as best you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
what you tried doesn’t work, try something else the next year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or (no crime) if it really isn’t working or
feels destructive, drop it mid-year. Just keep plugging away in some form or
fashion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days you won’t get much
done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just get up and try again the next
day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Myths:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschool kids will love learning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They won’t, always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschool kids won’t cheat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will, quite possibly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschool kids won’t rebel or have attitude
problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They most probably will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschool kids will always get along with
their siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They definitely won’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschooled kids will be smarter, more
advanced, and stay out of trouble more than public schooled kids. Not
necessarily, particularly if this is your main goal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Avoid like
the plague a superior attitude toward families that don’t homeschool. Your kids
will pick up on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It will also
backfire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So don’t be judgy of other
parents. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">We are all
just people, no matter how we choose to educate our kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschooling isn’t a magic pill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same issues will come up- you just have
more opportunities to get a grip on them earlier. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I do suggest,
character first, curriculum second, whatever character means to you. For us it was
kindness, communication, social skills, self and other awareness and Biblical
values. Just make sure you are leading by example and don’t expect your kids to
have a higher standard that you do, in any area, from keeping their bedroom
clean, to staying off screens, to having a good attitude, to not being critical
and bad mouthing people.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">For the
first four years, K- 3<sup>rd</sup> grade, seriously, don’t sweat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buy some inexpensive workbooks, get a library
card, throw up some educational posters, and do as many activities as you have the
energy for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trips to the library (summer
reading programs are awesome, and free), zoo, botanical gardens, science
museum, parks, splash pads, free craft days at Home Depot and cultural
festivals at museums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yearly memberships
are great to keep you from having to stay somewhere so long to “get your money’s
worth” on a zoo or museum day that everyone has a meltdown- instead you can
stay a couple of hours and go home for a nap, then come back another day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pick a new one each year. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxNdt9-Aak-dRBnEhqxM968EYZWNKDvCzbVJftB1QOjqFbTlYEhvPPFu8RIVNGZ7YehFZU6dR40LAvh727L-z8qr2qiYCXBsylyBQSHgrgi7bbf-M3NnWN7zhRR-nxBCIf7LMWi-iVdnI/s1600/IMG_0628.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1141" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxNdt9-Aak-dRBnEhqxM968EYZWNKDvCzbVJftB1QOjqFbTlYEhvPPFu8RIVNGZ7YehFZU6dR40LAvh727L-z8qr2qiYCXBsylyBQSHgrgi7bbf-M3NnWN7zhRR-nxBCIf7LMWi-iVdnI/s640/IMG_0628.jpeg" width="456" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If you don’t have energy to go out, bake something and include the kids in all the steps. Teach them to read and read to them. Seriously if you don’t have energy for anything else, read to them. When your voice or your patience gives out, dump out a bucket of Legos or get out the playdough or a puzzle and put on an audio book instead of the TV.</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">LOTS OF
AUDIO BOOKS. Audio books were my salvation. Did I mention I like audio
books?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They filled in my gaps
wonderfully. Kids have to listen to what you play when they are at home or in
the car until they get devices of their own with ear plugs, so put that off as
long as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep screens as
minimal as you can. Whole books and blogs and studies have been written on this
and I would say THEY ARE RIGHT. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines
– Under 18 months NO screen time other than video chatting with relatives. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; line-height: 107%;">For children ages 2 to 5 years, limit to 1 hour per day of high-quality
programs. </span>For children 6 and older- consistent limits and
appropriate supervision up to but (other sources say) not exceeding 3 hours a
day.</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">DELAY GIVING
YOUR KIDS PERSONAL PHONES AND TABLETS AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, AND MINIMZE THE TIME
THEY SPEND ON THEM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>TRY HARD. BE THE
RESISTANCE. Because they will fiercely and whine-ily resist your every effort
to delay or set boundaries on their personal screen time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like crack to them and the smallest
taste makes them go crazy when you take them away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Set your face like Mount Rushmore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When you do have
to put a kid in front of something so they will stop whining and you can get
something done (we all know Mt Rushmore will crumble at some point), make sure
you have a library of DVDs you can play that are age and content appropriate
without commercials including some that are high quality and/or educational
(See our list for suggestions). You will feel less guilty about it and your
kids will thank you later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Mine
actually did, very specifically).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better
than handing them a personal screen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I do suggest
not letting the TV just run in the background of your home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also suggest not owning a game system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We bought our first one when Sabrina turned
19.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She jokingly said she saw my evil
plan not to give it to her until she was in college and didn’t have unlimited
time to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">She’s not
wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Seriously,
there is a very limited window for instilling our kids’ core values.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single
thing we put into them counts at this age. Make it count.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t feed them junk media on a daily
basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are probably going to get some,
regardless, but work hard to make sure that they get mainly healthy media,
music, books at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes a
difference.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I think back
on my homeschooling in three phases:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Early/Easy –
preK to 4 (curriculum less important, focus on interaction and developmental
skills)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Mid/Hard 5-9
(curriculum more important – time to get serious)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Home stretch
10-12 (hopefully self-motivated and mostly independent, but they still need you
more than you think they are going to, just in a different way.)</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I personally
think travel is an essential part of education, and being able to not
only travel to other states but other countries is highly educational and
beneficial. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschooling can give you
the freedom to travel in off season for less than it would normally cost, and
this is definitely something to take advantage of. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know the fact that my kids spent significant
portions of their preschool years overseas really influenced them positively, as
well as travel they did as they got older. When you are home, do your best to
have your children interact with as diverse a group of friends as possible, and
teach them cultural competency. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One way
to supplement this is to go to any cultural holiday festivals in your area, for
example, Chinese (lunar) New Year (January or February), or India’s Independence
day (Aug 15<sup>th</sup>). Watch films with subtitles and let them hear other
languages. Introduce them to a wide variety of music and a wide variety of
food. Go to an ethnic grocery store on a field trip. All educational!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">To finish
off this blog, I interviewed my three kids about their homeschooling
experiences, because I figured their take away is more valid than mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(These interviews were conducted individually
so they didn’t hear each other’s answers.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anything they said they liked, as well as our personal recommendations,
I have put links to at the end of the blog. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">How do you feel about
your homeschooling experience, overall? <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra
(now 22):<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I loved it, it
was great, fantastic. I especially enjoyed the flexibility to be able to take
time off whenever we wanted, and be flexible with our schedules.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I liked that we could slow down and get extra
help on subjects when we needed it, and also spend extra time on things on we
liked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love that we were raised on
good literature like Shakespeare, Narnia, LOTR, and various kinds of
poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was little the field trips
were especially fun.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina (now
20):<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Great and
grand!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fun, I loved it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brag on the fact that I was homeschooled,
and when I talk to younger teenagers, I often hear them say they wished
they could be homeschooled as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
liked the flexibility, being able to get one on one tutoring, and for that to
be shaped to whatever we needed at the time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Daniel (now
18):<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">10 out of
10!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good mix of the best of
homeschooling and the best of social interaction through co-op.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I hadn’t had co-op I would have been a
social disaster and not a balanced person. (Note:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daniel spent more of his high school years in
co-op than his sisters, 5 years, grades 8-12 In all honesty, this had a lot to do with the fact that he and mom were experiencing more conflict when it came to getting lessons done than mom had with the girls. He did much better being accountable to outside tutors.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Did you ever want to go
to public school, or do you now regret being homeschooled? <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra: No.
Never wanted to go to public school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina:
Occasionally over the years I would be curious about having a public school or
charter school experience and wonder what it would be like, or think it might interesting
to try, but now looking back I have no regrets. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Daniel: No,
had no desire to go to public school<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Tell me some of your
favorite parts of your homeschooling experience: <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My favorite curriculum was the Veritas Press history
cards, 10 out of 10.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Loved the way they
incorporated Biblical history and World history in tandem- it gave good perspective.
All the audio books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything read or
told by Jim Weiss. Crafts and hands on things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doing something unexpected now and then.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina: I
liked the Veritas Press history cards and The Story of the World audio book and projects-
I liked that this was a thread of continuity that went from year to year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">For me one
strong positive thing was that homeschooling disintegrated the age cliques that
I’ve noticed tend to develop in people educated in classrooms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up always being able to talk and
relate to all ages of people, and wasn’t confined to only being comfortable
talking to my own age group.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Daniel:
Saxon math all the way!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teaching Textbooks
sucks. I felt that having good math tutors from middle school on helped me be
strong in math even though that wasn’t my parents’ strong point. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I like that
I had to learn to manage my own time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Homeschooling prepares you more for the future and college in that
respect. Homeschooling definitely goes better if you are self-motivated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">What were some negative
aspects or weak areas of your homeschooling experience? <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When other parts of life were not going great,
it affected our homeschooling life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
didn’t have lessons for a month when our grandmother died, and I found that
very confusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life stressors also
affected my mother’s mood when she was teaching. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was not good at compartmentalizing, and
had less patience with us during teaching when more stressful things were going
on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I’m
definitely stronger in the subjects my mother is strong in, like writing and
English, and weaker in math like she is, but that may just be me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also wasn’t very prepared for public
speaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would suggest homeschoolers
find a group and practice public speaking earlier than I did (my first
experience was in tenth grade when I took speech in community college).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I didn’t
like that it that all the curriculum we got from mom and in our Christian co-op
on government and civics were overly religious and mixed Bible scriptures with
information about the American government-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think these should be both be taught, but separately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina: I
didn’t really learn formal testing techniques until I got to college (because
we were so relaxed at home), so for a while tests caused me some anxiety. I
probably could have benefited from doing formal style testing earlier. I also might
could have used a bit more people interaction a little earlier, but I’m not
sure if I just think this because I’m naturally introverted and have had be
intentional in this area. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The hardest
part of my homeschooling was the year mom and dad got divorced, and dad was in
charge of my math education, while mom covered everything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a result, I had to repeat a year of math,
and I felt that that put me behind for high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(PS from mom- this was a failed experiment
the first year after the divorce, and after that, we paid for tutors instead of
dividing up subjects between households).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I did feel
mentally/educationally well prepared by homeschooling for “the real world,”
although I was kind of overwhelmed emotionally my first year at community
college. I’m glad I did dual credit there while still in high school so I could
get past that hurdle before it was time to go to college full time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Daniel:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learning social skills takes more effort and
being more intentional because it isn’t built in.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">What advice would you
give to homeschooling families?<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra: If
your kids are into something specific and want to read or watch all on one
subject or genre during a season of time, there may be a deeper reason, don’t
blow them off or worry too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Mom
got a little worried during my fantasy phase, but that’s one way I dealt with
stuff that was going on.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Being in a
homeschool group is more important the older you get.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">You want
your kids to be able to connect with kids who aren’t homeschooled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So while you are sheltering them, make sure
they are still in touch and can carry on conversations with kids their age who
are going to school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Going to
community college and doing dual credit courses while I was still in high
school was a good decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It helped
prepare me for college and was a good adjustment period. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you are homeschooling be sure to
maintain a good relationship with your kids as their parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because you can’t really separate your
relationship with them as parent from your relationship with them as teacher, it
is extra important.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It is an
excellent opportunity for parents to enforce the values the kids need. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Daniel:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get your kids in a co-op or else be really
intentional about getting them into extracurricular activities or they aren’t
going to be able to talk to people in the real world.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Will you homeschool
your own kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Cassandra: I
don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I don’t, it won’t be because
I didn’t have a good experience but because I would doubt my own
abilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would want to, though.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sabrina: Um,
I want to say yes. I would hope I would be able to. I would definitely pray
about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Daniel: </span><span style="color: black;">¯\_(</span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: "MS Gothic"; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic"; mso-hansi-font-family: "MS Gothic";">ツ</span><span style="color: black;">)_/¯</span> Too far down the road.<span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Details on
and links to Anderson homeschool favs:</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://veritaspress.com/store/courseoptions/old-testament-ancient-egypt-courses.html" target="_blank">Veritas Press History Cards</a><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">5 sets of
cards = 5 years of History.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uses whole
books as resources and has many project options. Anderson family secret- it
usually took us two years per set instead of one as is suggested. The girls
went through them together, and Daniel by himself a couple of years behind
them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Veritas Press now has an updated
online video version of the curriculum we have, as well as still carrying the original
physical history cards we used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I
told my super modern kids who do everything on their phones there is now a
video version of their beloved history curriculum they were quite upset- “BUT <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WHY </b>WOULD THEY DO THAT?!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.jimweiss.com/storytelling-recordings-by-jim-weiss/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Jim Weiss, storyteller, GreatHall Productions</span></a></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">He totally
inspired me as a young homeschooling parent when I heard him speak at a
conference, and my kids adore anything read or told by him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have most of his collections. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/story-world-Ancient-earliest-classical-dp-1933339047/dp/1933339047/ref=mt_audiobook?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=" target="_blank">Story of the World, all volumes in audio</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Great for
car time, so it isn’t wasted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Material
gets more mature as it goes, but first volume was always the favorite and good
for all ages. (You can play it no matter what history curriculum you use and it
is a great educational supplement, but it really goes well the Veritas Press
History Cards).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also have their own
full curriculum which we didn’t use.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.drivethruhistory.com/" target="_blank"><b>Drive Through History DVDs</b></a></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">All excellent! Some new ones have come out since we were
watching.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Schoonhoven-Marchiano-Charlton-Jonathan-OShuaghnessy/dp/0967439728/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=the+visual+bible+matthew&qid=1566153880&s=gateway&sr=8-4" target="_blank">The Visual Bible, Book of Matthew</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This has
remained a family favorite over the years at every age- we watched it on VCR
tape, then DVD, and we still watch it and have Biblical discussions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great way to get a positive impression of
Jesus, great for Sundays.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Schoolhouse-Rock-Anniversary-23048-2004-02-29/dp/B01N03H0XV/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=schoolhouse+rock&qid=1566154625&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">School House Rock</a></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When you
need to put something on for kids to watch but you still want it to count
educationally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> T</span>hese catchy songs have
never been topped for teaching parts of speech:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.audible.com/series/The-Lord-of-the-Rings-Audiobooks/B009CFOEGK" target="_blank">The Lord of the Rings Audio Book</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I strongly
recommended you have your kids listen to the unabridged audio before watching
any of the films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was take a while,
but well worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Counts as English
literature. Can put it on long before kids would be able to read them to
themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May be over their heads, but
always clean, never inappropriate. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Chronicles-Narnia-Complete-Box-Unabridged/dp/0694524751" target="_blank">The Chronicles of Narnia</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Definitely
read these to your children or let them listen to the audio books, or both
before watching the movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it is too
late, still go back and read or listen to them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be sure to go with unabridged. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYnjaU76mMLGQxFqHHOQPS2lTHqEG2XfirxgnK8qD0ObLMdaYCmRfUbZ52_6DsoDm48kdcWqWWQP8BLKqTn0BPZmcd-xI5AaXyB8Zk5GHPNY4W5j8o-fV0ykxVkjddQfiK0jRLFMX6dYs/s1600/IMG_0632.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1375" data-original-width="1600" height="343" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYnjaU76mMLGQxFqHHOQPS2lTHqEG2XfirxgnK8qD0ObLMdaYCmRfUbZ52_6DsoDm48kdcWqWWQP8BLKqTn0BPZmcd-xI5AaXyB8Zk5GHPNY4W5j8o-fV0ykxVkjddQfiK0jRLFMX6dYs/s400/IMG_0632.jpeg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>One
favorite Anderson activity: <a href="https://www.shakespearedallas.org/" target="_blank">Shakespeare in the Park.</a></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">An
affordable and fun way to introduce your children to the classics!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shakespeare Dallas puts on three plays every
summer, and two nights a week admission is free/whatever you can donate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do take the time to read a play overview
before you go, as not all of Shakespeare’s historic plays have appropriate
content for children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The comedies were
our earlier choices.There will always be sexual humor in the comedies, but in
Shakespearean English will generally go over the heads of the littles. The picnic venue is kid friendly and even if
they don’t understand all the words the activity on the stage, along with the
picnic and being outside at night, will generally keep their attention. They
may even get to help pass the Bard bucket! And by the time they are in middle
school it will all make sense. My adult kids still make this a priority to do every
summer.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.purposegames.com/" target="_blank"><br /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.purposegames.com/" target="_blank">PurposeGames</a> </b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="MsoHyperlink" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="MsoHyperlink" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">This
is an internet site we used a lot for geography game quizzes to reinforce
whatever curriculum we were using. (American kids tend to be weak in geography
so we did our best to counteract that.) </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">They have <span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">lots of games
in other subjects as well.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Cassandra’s audio book picks:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jane Erye by Jane Austen, Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter
(all Gene Strator Portor books have tons of biology and ecology mixed in with
great literary fiction), Radio Theater version of Anne of Green Gables, The Cat of Bubastes told by Jim Weiss.</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Cassandra’s favorite books for
reading:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mark of the Lion (Historical Fiction) series by
Francine Rivers, Hadassah (Biblical fiction) by Tommy Tenny, Ranger’s
Apprentice series (JF) by John Flanagan, (Australian author, uses words
considered mild profanity in America) The Giver (JF) by Lois Lowery</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Cassandra</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> in her current position as nanny has
two updated kids TV show suggestions- “Super Wings” gets a thumbs up (some
educational content on geography and culture albeit bad accents) and “PJ Masks”
gets a thumbs down for bad attitudes, whinny talk, and no educational value. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Sabrina’s audio book picks:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> Tale of Despereaux (JF) by Kate
DiCamilo, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, City of Ember series by Jeanne
DuPrau (excellent for understanding relationships, politics, how wars start), 39
Clues series (JF) by various authors (good fiction incorporating lots of geography
and history), Egyptian Treasures, Mummies and Myths by Jim Weiss.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Sabrina’s favorite books for reading:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Restorer series by Sharon Hink (Christian fiction/fantasy series that
got a rare thumbs up in this genre from the fam), The Hunger Games series (YA)
by Suzanne Collins (“I don’t really like Katniss, but it helped me understand
depression.”)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Daniel’s audio book picks:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> Gregor the Overlander (JF) series by Suzanne
Collins (Pre-teen and middle school, good for understanding complexity of
relationships and the politics of class, race and othering- one of Roxanne’s
favorites too), 39 Clues audio books (middle through high school), <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">Percy Jackson and the Olympians</span>
by Rick Riordan (middle through high school), </span>Sherlock Holms (late high
school).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Daniel’s favorite books for reading:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ranger’s
Apprentice series (JF) by John Flanagan, The Maze Runner series and the <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">Mortality Doctrine series</span></span> by
<span style="background: white; color: #222222;">James Dashner</span> (High school),
Ender’s Game series and other books by Orson Scott Card (middle
school-high school), The Martian by <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">Andy
Weir</span> (late high school, large amounts of profanity.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">A few of Roxanne’s picks for pre-K to early grade
school kids</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;">:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Magic School Bus books (fun science)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The Boxcar Children books (also good
in audio), great for encouraging positive sibling relationships <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=bread+and+jam+with+frances&ref=nb_sb_noss_2," target="_blank">Francis books </a>(good for early readers)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.ywampublishing.com/search.aspx?searchterm=heroes+for+young+readers" target="_blank">Heroes for young readers books </a>(the
ones you won’t find in libraries) </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=mr+rodgers+neighborhood&ref=nb_sb_noss_2" target="_blank"><br /></a></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=mr+rodgers+neighborhood&ref=nb_sb_noss_2" target="_blank">Mr. Rodger’sNeighborhood on DVD </a>(quick, before they outgrow it)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">And Grade school:</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://www.ywampublishing.com/c-40-homeschooling.aspx" target="_blank">Missionary and historical biographies from YWAM publishing,</a> some complete with unit studies</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Usborne-Time-Traveler-Judy-Hindley/dp/0746033656/ref=sr_1_1?crid=V4DZ812NQO2N&keywords=usborne+time+traveler&qid=1566177095&s=gateway&sprefix=usborn+time+%2Caps%2C162&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Usborn TimeTraveler</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The classic
PBS show <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=reading+rainbow+seasons+1&ref=nb_sb_noss_2" target="_blank">Reading Rainbow</a>, now available on Amazon prime</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Roxanne’s picks for parents to read</span></b><span style="line-height: 107%;">:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Steady-Get-Ready-Kindergarten/dp/159160236X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2DVF2EQULHD81&keywords=slow+and+steady+get+me+ready&qid=1566175757&s=gateway&sprefix=slow+and+st%2Caps%2C159&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Slowand Steady Get me Ready for Kindergarden (260 Weekly developmental Activitiesfrom Birth to Age 5) by June R. Oberlander, </a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/First-Grader-Needs-Revised-Updated/dp/0553392387/ref=sr_1_1?crid=12ECU253J5Z92&keywords=what+your+first+grader+needs+to+know&qid=1566175845&s=gateway&sprefix=what+your+first%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-1" target="_blank">What your (1st, 2nd,3rd etc) grader needs to know, Fundamentals of a Good Education, The Core Knowledge Series, edited by ED Hirsch </a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">About High School:</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">In high school I followed the <a href="https://tea.texas.gov/sites/default/files/SidebySideGraduationPrograms_030114.pdf" target="_blank">TEA(Texas Education Association) guidelines for what subjects and how many years of each (credits) should be covered in high school.</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To meet these, I used curriculums of my choice
at home, co-op classes with tutors, and dual credit classes at community
college: </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Anderson innocent classic and highly
nostalgic movie picks:<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">101 Dalmatians,
AristoCats, Robin Hood (Disney cartoon), Prince of Egypt, Joseph King of
Dreams, White Christmas, Sound of Music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have literally never stopped watching all of these movies from
preschool age until the present. (Along with many, many others once they were
old enough.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Biggest flops and failures for us:<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Math U See,
CD ROM or internet based curriculums like SOS (Switched on Schoolhouse)- admittedly
they have improved over the years, but this type of educational approach just
wasn’t for us at the times we tried to use them. Also dividing up homeschooling responsibilities between
parents -admittedly getting separated and then divorced probably put more of a
damper on this than it ordinarily would with both parents living congenially under
the same roof.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHS1SfWpUbKSDfeDQwbwbfgqg3XoScGwkj4pbPIFCR4g6i7uSss3frG2kOH8zxrj8u497YH__q1lexqFEbyNSlKjf2_cYrZK-2HyybPg9mbFawLvI82vWUuBCcSvyDRUJdm513cXOiqHU/s1600/65975325_10219466301112558_5567160188445655040_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHS1SfWpUbKSDfeDQwbwbfgqg3XoScGwkj4pbPIFCR4g6i7uSss3frG2kOH8zxrj8u497YH__q1lexqFEbyNSlKjf2_cYrZK-2HyybPg9mbFawLvI82vWUuBCcSvyDRUJdm513cXOiqHU/s640/65975325_10219466301112558_5567160188445655040_n.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So, what are they doing now?</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">After high school graduation, both Cassandra and Sabrina went on to get their Associates at Mt View College. (This picture is of Daniel graduating from high school and Sabrina graduating from college on the same weekend.) After that, Cassandra worked full time in childcare and as a nanny and saved up and paid cash for a car, and has just enrolled in massage school. Sabrina has been working for the past year as an LA (Library Assistant) at the Irving Public Library. Daniel has a job as a barista at a coffee shop and has started college this month in the cyber security program at Richland College. They all still live with me- and their dad- splitting their time between the two households much as they did when they were younger. </span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And so ends the saga of the Anderson family homeschool, now closing its doors on this final chapter. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I'm so grateful to have them a little longer as they move into successful "adulting". They seem to be good with having me around too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Final word of advise. Tell your kids "I love you" a lot, and never stop, no matter how much conflict you have, or how old they get. Because above all, if our kids know they are loved, by their parents and by God, they will be prepared to face anything. </span></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-30653749717887102142019-01-13T09:34:00.000-06:002019-01-13T09:40:06.392-06:00I Am Still the Fourth Wise Man<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Today I had a rare day alone in the house which means a day to clean, catch up on laundry, and take down Christmas decorations. As I stood in the kitchen drinking my first cup of coffee and contemplating all I wished to accomplish, I remembered I had not yet fulfilled my personal yearly Christmas tradition of watching The Fourth Wise Man. So I decided to put it on as a background inspiration for my housekeeping. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-size: large;">Which means an hour later I'm sitting on the floor surrounded by a million odd socks I'm trying to match and bawling my eyes out.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-size: large;">Every year I get more truth out of this simple film, or another application to something that happened to me in the previous year. This year it was pondering if I am continuing to give my all to seek the Savior, and remembering that success in His eyes does not look like success in the eyes of others. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-size: large;">I went and found the original blog I wrote on this film, back in 2009 and I'm re-posting it below. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-size: large;">My personal take-away for 2019 is that I will not forget what a life following after Jesus looks like, as the Fourth Wise Man.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-size: large;">Happy 2019.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">December 2009</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-size: large;">I saw the film, "The Fourth Wise Man" when I was quite young, and it made a huge impression on me. I bought it a few years ago, and it is one of our family traditions to watch it every Christmas. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">But this year, I finally understood it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Do you know the story? It's the fictional account of a magi named Artaban. He is passionate about following the star he has seen to find the one true king. He sells everything he owns to buy three precious jewels to take as gifts to him, and sets off to meet his three friends who are also going.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">But Artaban, because he stopped to do a good deed along the way, is late, and his friends start across the dessert without him. When he arrives at the meeting point, there is no one there. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">He missed the opportunity. He was left behind. Instead of being able to go along with his friends in their caravan, he now has to do it all by himself, the hard way. He reluctantly gives up one of his jewels in order to buy all his own camels and supplies and continues his quest.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">But Artaban always seems to be a step behind. He shows up in Bethlehem after Mary and Joseph have already left. He stands in the empty stable and looks at the empty manger with longing. As he gets ready to go to Egypt to look for them, the Roman soliders show up to kill the babies. Out of compassion he uses another jewel to bribe a Roman to save one child. And now he has only his most precious gem left- a pearl of great price.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">He goes to Egypt and searches for years without results, and then returns to Israel. One day along the road, bandits attack him and his servant, and take his pearl. Following them to their hideout to get it back, he finds a colony of lepers. Moved with compassion, he decides to stay and use his skill as a healer to dress their wounds and help the sick.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">The pearl is returned to Artaban, but he cannot bear to leave the needs of the desperate people unmet. The few days he meant to stay grow into months and then years. He teaches them how to irrigate and grow crops and be self sufficient so they don’t have to rob. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Other magi come, those who have success, and, looking down on the people and his work, suggest condescendingly that he go home. His own servant is thoroughly disgusted with him. In a letter he wrote he says, “It is not enough that my master has helped these people. He has become one of them.”</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Artaban grows old, and his health fails; he knows he will die soon. Thirty-three years have passed since he saw the star. But one day, one of the blind men from the colony comes back from a trip into Jerusalem shouting that he has been healed. Hope is renewed in the feeble Artabon’s heart, and he takes the pearl that he has kept all this time and makes his way to Jerusalem to find his king and give him his gift at last.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">He gets there in time to see Jesus crucified. Heartbroken, he feels like his entire life has been a total failure. With a last agonized look at the crosses on Golgotha, he uses the pearl to redeem a girl from slavery. A few days later he tries to make his faltering way back to the colony, but can’t make it. As he sits drawing his final breaths, Jesus appears to him. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Artaban’s first reaction is joy and amazement, followed quickly by embarrassment and regret at his condition and poverty. “Lord, once I had many gifts to give you, but now they are gone.” </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Artaban is mystified when Jesus assures him that He has already received Artabon’s gifts. “For I was hungry and you gave me meat: I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you took me in, naked and you clothed me, sick and you visited me.” Then Jesus explains, “When you did these things to the least of my brothers, you were doing them for me.”</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Artaban is ecstatic. He has found the king, and he has received all his gifts. His life wasn’t a wasted failure after all. He dies in peace.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">How about you?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Did you start off young and full of zeal for God, or excitement about what you would do with your life, only to feel like you missed the caravan? </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Yeah, me too.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">I suspect there are lots of people who like me on their quest for following Jesus, ended up, not kneeling at His feet in our youth giving him our valuable and impressive gifts and talents, but off wandering around in Egypt or out in the leper colony feeling like we missed Plan A somewhere.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">For some this could be ending up with an unrewarding job that wasn’t what we planned to do with our lives at all. For others, an emotionally unfulfilling marriage. Maybe we felt we had a “call” for full time ministry or missions that we didn’t get to experience. Maybe our book never got published. Maybe our business or ministry failed. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">For others it might be trials like a rebellious child, a relative with an addiction, a life threatening disease or injury to ourselves or a loved one, chronic pain or health problems, a divorce, or the untimely death of a family member.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">It could be any number of things that life throws at us on our way to being amazing and successful and impressive. Maybe our adult children are living at home, or we are unexpectedly raising our grandchildren. Maybe an aging parent needs full time care. Maybe we have a handicapped child that will always need us.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">This message is for all of us in the leper colony of life who feel that although we may be doing some good where we are, it isn’t really what we were meant to do. It’s for those of us who struggle with feeling like our lives are a waste, and that we missed our opportunity to be truly successful. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">We haven’t. God is not judging us the way people judge us, or even the way we judge ourselves. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">He doesn’t measure us by our outward appearance: youth, beauty, right clothes, right hair, right weight, or generally coming across as if we “have it all together.” Our success as He sees it is not in our educational degrees, our income, our title at our job, the size of our business, or the number of people in the church we pastor. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">He doesn’t love or value us more because of our beautiful house or the neighborhood we live in, the kind of car we drive, the perfect cleanliness or organization of our home, the number of times we cooked a real meal this week, the good behavior of our children, or the “intactness” of our family.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">No matter where we find ourselves in life, no matter who we are, we can give our final gift. Yes, we do have something left. Like Artaban, we all still have a pearl of great price. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">That pearl is love, the same unconditional love that God extends to us. If we love and accept whoever we find ourselves with, in whatever circumstances, we are not failures. Children, parents, siblings, co-workers, church members, people behind the counter at McDonald’s, the checkers at Wal-Mart- everyone needs love.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">If we show God’s love to the least of these, in whatever verbal, practical and helpful ways we can no matter how small, our lives are not wasted. And at the end we may find out that we have done the greatest work after all. We may find that the reward is greater for doing unremarkable things with love, than doing remarkable things without love.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing…. Love never gives up, love cares more for others than for self, love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have, love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first", doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others….puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (Portions of 1Cor. 13 from the Message Bible)</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">I cried really hard this year when I watched this movie on Christmas Eve. Because I saw and felt it fully for the first time. I am not respected or successful in life. I have no position of honor. But He has received my gifts.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">I am the fourth wise man. </span></span>Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-35787414812781492832018-11-28T17:31:00.003-06:002021-12-24T17:46:14.957-06:00Another Kind of Happy Ending<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Beautiful people get happy endings. </span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The rest of us get supporting roles.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The single guy that I met briefly at a church conference a
few months earlier, who was the same age as me, had just posted wedding pictures on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His bride was beautiful, a slim but shapely blonde, who
looked about ten years younger than her groom - and me. They had met and married
in a brief period of time, and he was thanking God for bringing him someone so
perfect. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">She really was gorgeous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I really was happy for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wrote “congratulations to you both” and moved on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It’s an ongoing experience for many single average-looking women
like me in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. While some of us might possibly be interested in a
relationship with a man close to our own age, those men have their eyes on the
younger, prettier, slimmer women. And it
is perfectly realistic- because sometimes those women are happy to consider dating someone
ten years older, and not quite as attractive as they are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Because we women, God bless us, are usually willing to look past
a fair number of items in outward appearance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A few extra pounds, some grey hair or lack thereof, a couple of less
than perfect features, may all be overlooked for a kind-hearted man with a good
character. Particularly if he has a job and is financially stable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">As well they should be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Unfortunately men aren’t generally wired- or encouraged- or
limited- to doing the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fallen human
nature as it exists on planet earth still puts maximum value on us women based
on our youth and appearance, as it always has. No matter how much we may progress
in some pockets of the globe, it is still a thing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our education, strength, wisdom, and experience as females will not generally win us romance, if those atributes are not also accompanied by good looks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And after all, if a man can have a relationship with a woman
prettier and younger who is just as nice as the older ones with a few extra wrinkles
or pounds, why wouldn’t he?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I could make an argument for my superiority in some areas to
my younger less experienced sisters, but I won’t. It is what it is, and I’m not
the competitive type.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Instead, I like to focus on the joys of “the supporting
role.” </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">There are lots of benefits, actually, to being an average
looking woman in middle age.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Women aren’t
likely to be jealous of me- so I get the opportunity to make more friends.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I can “blend in” to lots of settings without
getting unwanted attention.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When I am
friendly, my intentions aren’t misunderstood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And I can support the beautiful people in getting their
happily ever after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Being able to be a small part of making another person happy
is actually an amazing thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having done it a
lot now, I believe that vicarious happiness is some of the best in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel this happiness when I
support my adult children in their endeavors and relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel it when I deliver a baby for a sweet
young couple who are deeply in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel it when I help an apprentice become a midwife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel it when I help two people work through
a misunderstanding and communicate and restore their relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And sometimes I feel that happiness just watching people interacting
that I don’t even know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is like catching
a whiff of a delicious fragrance while out on a walk, and standing still for a moment
to breathe it in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Because happiness-joy if you will- really does have a scent. I swear I can smell it when I see parents playing with their children,
friends laughing together over coffee, and couples holding hands. </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And most days, I don’t mind being a spectator or a supporting
character as long as I am where I can smell the happiness, and enjoy the view.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It’s just a different way to get a happily ever after. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-37243539964406799022018-03-21T10:11:00.001-05:002018-05-20T20:17:42.980-05:00Paid in Full. But no Credit. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipw5o8DVJ4Hu7iTLNFnsb_0UZaYfJNq2nb5w5HyU0kKB_ujnKe5pU_7C8CUGdQFIIARdyT8SkA8ywOuSnD_daZcKwCitI06DWyqhKrNAsnK1PUETema866FxgJZT7kPaLycyvWz03ASWw/s1600/paidinfull.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="334" data-original-width="500" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipw5o8DVJ4Hu7iTLNFnsb_0UZaYfJNq2nb5w5HyU0kKB_ujnKe5pU_7C8CUGdQFIIARdyT8SkA8ywOuSnD_daZcKwCitI06DWyqhKrNAsnK1PUETema866FxgJZT7kPaLycyvWz03ASWw/s400/paidinfull.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">A few weeks ago I went to see my uncle, who was recovering
from a severe case of the flu and a mild stroke.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">He is currently doing well, but at that time was spending a
few days in a long term care facility getting physical therapy.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Normally we both have busy lives and don’t
see each other often, so it ended up being a nice chance to catch up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And then, in a rare moment of nostalgia, my uncle started
telling me stories from his 27 years of owning a small business in east Dallas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him what he thought made it
successful and he told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then he
started talking about the way he handled outstanding debt from customers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">“In the early years it would seriously rankle me to see
unpaid balances in the ledger. I would go after folks and once even put a lean
on someone’s house for a few hundred dollars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But then one year I decided to do something different.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My uncle told me how he sat down with his secretary at the
end of the year and took all the outstanding balances and wrote “paid in
full.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he sent each customer a letter
stating that they now had a zero balance, and were welcome back in the store at
any time, as long as they paid cash. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">“It was worth the financial loss to me to have the peace of mind of a clear
ledger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With no outstanding balances
showing there, I wasn’t bothered anymore.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This is pretty radical, and in my mind I immediately came up
with a couple of sermon illustrations as well as a blog on topics of Jesus
paying our debt in full and on the importance and power of forgiveness. I
thought about those for a little while, but then my attention was caught by the
post script to the story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This was the part about him not giving those customers who
had proven themselves untrustworthy any more credit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My uncle generously released these people from
their debt, even continued to do business with his former debtors, but never gave them the opportunity to take advantage of his generosity by making
purchases on credit at his store again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
had lost his trust and lost that privilege, and he was wise enough not to put
himself in the position of risking financial loss at their hands again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This is the part of the story that Christians sometimes
forget when they are working with hurting people and discussing the importance
of forgiveness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a fact that we are
commanded in the Bible to forgive others as God forgave us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is a fact that we do this to set ourselves free, not because the
other person deserves it. However, it is not a given that this forgiveness includes
letting the person abuse us, hurt us, or take advantage of us again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">We are not commanded to continue to offer relationship credit,
time credit, or trust credit to those who may continue to hurt us with “debt”
through that interaction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not
harsh to choose not to give a person a second chance if there is a chance they might hurt
us in a significant way again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Interestingly on that note, my uncle mentioned almost
sheepishly that in one case he did, against his better judgement, let one of
these forgiven debtors buy on credit again, not really feeling good about it,
but hoping he had changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Boy, that
was a mistake,” he admitted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, the
debt built up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That person had obviously
not learned anything from the mercy that had been offered him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Of course, maybe with other forgiven customers it would have
been different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But sometimes it isn’t
worth the risk to find out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If that is the case with you, never feel guilty or pressured to offer
credit in the store of your life to someone who has hurt you, abused you, taken advantage of you, lied to you, or in other ways shown they can’t be trusted. </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It’s okay to say no, and it doesn’t
mean you haven’t forgiven them.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It just means they don't have any credit.</span></div>
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<br />Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-31608162483976501212018-01-14T18:31:00.000-06:002018-01-18T17:47:58.167-06:00The Good Year<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Midwives
love what they call “butter births.” A butter birth is a short easy one in
which the baby slides out like butter with no complications. The mother doesn’t bleed much, or tear, her placenta
comes in a timely manner, and the baby nurses happily. In a couple of hours <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2012/10/me-midwife.html" target="_blank">the family settles down to sleep</a>, the midwives go home to their warm beds, and all is well.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Mothers and
midwives both love butter births. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The thing
about butter births, is that they after a while, they all blend together in the
midwife's memory. Quite often these will be the births in which while the family may be appreciative, they may not feel
particularly bonded to the midwife, or in some cases, after a few years, even remember
her name.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Unlike the hard
births. The long ones. The challenging
ones. The ones that go on and on for days. The ones where the <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2013/11/one-poem.html" target="_blank">mother looks into your eyes</a> with a desperate crazed look and begs for relief. The ones where you feel each contraction
along with the mother, and breathe each breath in and out with her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Those are
the births where you take your strength and lend it to the mother, both
figuratively and literally, holding her mind up with your words, and her body
up with your arms. These are the births where the mother searches
your face and listens carefully to the tone of your voice to see if you really
believe in her and if everything really is okay.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Those are
the births that drain you as a midwife of your own life force until you too
begin to wonder, will it ever end? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But it
always does end, one way or another.
Often, according to plan, in a home or birthing center, triumphant at
last the baby will emerge accompanied by relieved tears and laughter. Sometimes, a trip to the hospital is
needed. Once in a while, there at the
hospital, surgery is also needed. But
the baby always comes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And through
it all, the mother needs her midwife. And the harder the birth, the more she needs her midwife at her side, before, during and after.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In 2017, I was in the hospital 14 times with clients, a record for
me. (Most years it is 2 or 3 times at most, and some years I haven't had to go at all.) Half of these women were transferred
to the hospital before labor even started for various necessary reasons, and one of those
had planned a hospital birth from the beginning of her pregnancy with me as
labor support. In another situation a two
day old baby needed to go, and in another a lady changed her home birth plans at
the last minute and decided she wanted a hospital birth with pain relief. Only four of these transfers to the hospital occurred
in active labor, and two of those were ambulance ride emergencies. </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Of the many deliveries that did take place at home and birth center, I had five that took over
24 hours and involved some special challenges.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It’s not what
midwives generally consider a good year. However in each and every situation as the level of complication or challenge went up, the women’s need
for support also went up. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Those are
the births I will never forget, and where I know I will also not be forgotten. For these are the women who truly needed a
midwife, a strong friend at their side, far more than those who had the coveted “butter
births.” Those are the women for whom my
presence totally changed the outcome or the experience or both. Those are the births that cost me the most
personally, but also the ones at which I made the greatest positive difference.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And knowing that
I as a midwife made that positive difference to so many who needed it most, in the end, is what made 2017 a truly good year.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(For a G-rated video of this experience I share with my families, here is one of the over 24 hour home births I attended this year. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS45DhjR-g0&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">The Birth of Matthias.</a>)</span><br />
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-20924522660434060042017-12-31T13:50:00.000-06:002018-03-21T09:53:07.602-05:00Between 2017 and 2018<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">New Year's Eve! That unique moment in time between two years. </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">A strategic time of both looking back and looking forward.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And a
great opportunity to sum up:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lessons I
learned in 2017 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(That
will hopefully help me do better in 2018)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I have
limits (duh). And only I am the one who can both acknowledge and support
that reality. I cannot wait for another person to say, “That burden is
too heavy, let me carry it with you.” I must be willing to admit I am
tired and put my own burden down for a while, or at least part of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />
I cannot resent the fact that people around me may not volunteer to support me or help me carry my burdens (or volunteer in the way I need). I have to ask
for help, and if people aren’t able to help me in the way I need, I must help
myself and/or make necessary changes so that I am more regularly
supported. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Side note on this topic: When people perceive you as a
strong person, they are less likely to offer help, assuming you have things
under control. This in turn, makes it harder to ask for help or
admit you have reached your limits. We (seemingly) strong people
have to admit we need help and ask for it anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> People will let me down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I will let other people down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> The outcome of these two truths will be determined by what kind of
communication (or lack thereof) and forgiveness (or lack thereof ) takes place
after the fact. </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I need to surround myself with people who give me the benefit of
the doubt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I need to give other people the benefit of the doubt.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> <i>What is
“the benefit of the doubt”? It is assuming a good motive on the part
of the other person even when they say or do something that seems obviously
wrong to you. It is being willing to go to them and ask them what
they meant or what happened, and listen to their explanation before reacting or
discussing it with other people.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> Most Christians do not follow Matthew 18:15 as a pattern for
dealing with offenses (the one <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">about going to your brother privately and speaking to them
directly) and will get very upset </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">with you and accuse you of all kinds of things if
you expect it or hold to it. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I already knew this very well from previous experiences
but had it strongly confirmed </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">again. Had a long conversation with a pastor friend about this who sadly verified, "Rarely do I see it end well when someone attempts to follow Biblical standards of dealing with offenses.</span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Everyone pretty much talks behind everyone’s back (see previous
point) and will have some </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">way of justifying it. I have to know it is probably
happening, but not do it myself, or let the </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">fact that other people are doing it make me feel stressed out or
insecure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> A lot of people are
put off by honest direct communication and behavior and will dislike and/or
reject me for it, and may</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> even create unkind and untrue labels for me to justify their
dislike and discomfort. I can’t let fear of rejection or of not being liked or of
getting labeled keep me from speaking up or taking action when necessary.
(Wisdom: knowing when it is truly necessary and when it isn’t.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> The majority of
people prefer comfortable and superficial interactions. I need to be considerate and willing to go along with this when appropriate, and not see it as compromise, just a
necessity for life in this world alongside people who are often not wired the same way I am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I have to
accept all aspects of the reality of the four previous points and continue interacting
and having relationships with people openly, graciously and with integrity.
(Goals!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I have an unapologetic high standard of expectation for honesty,
loyalty and </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">communication in relationships of all kinds, and this will not be
changing. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> This high standard of honesty, loyalty
and communication in relationships, as well as a commitment <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">to follow Matthew 18:15, is something
I hold to personally as well as expect, and that will not be </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">changing either.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> The previous two points
notwithstanding, I have re-learned some painful lessons about what I <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">can realistically expect to
continue experiencing in this life and in most human</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> relationships. My
goal is to not let those lessons make me cynical or bitter or self-righteous, <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">nor cause me to put up
walls, nor lower my standards for myself. (Quite a balancing act.) </span></span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> I have finally come to
believe the fact that I am a valuable, one-of-kind, non-</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">replaceable person of
character, integrity and generosity, who has a lot of experience and positive energy to bring to whatever table I am sitting at. I am capable of </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">amazing things, and in an environment where I am wanted, respected and supported (which is what I deserve) there is no limit to what I can accomplish.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> Everything has
seasons. Relationships, jobs, places we live. Change is hard but
inevitable <span style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">and often leads to better
seasons.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I can do the very best I
can with every inch of my being and still not get the results I was <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">hoping for. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">When this happens I will have to both be
honest with myself about my </span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">shortcomings while also not
blaming myself for circumstances and other people’s choices outside </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">of my control.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I cannot take more responsibility for a bad outcome
than I deserve. (Basically a type of pride as well as co-dependancy.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I must do whatever it
takes to stay sane and stable, particularly since I have a stressful life and a
history of mental illness in my family. I can’t let denial or pride get
in the way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> Midwifery isn’t
everything. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Healthy relationships and daily peace of mind on the other hand, are pretty much everything. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> My children
will regularly want and need me in their lives in spite of being healthy, functional and increasingly independent adults. And this is a happy truth
because I want and need them in my life too.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It all comes back to
God’s faithfulness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Quotes and scriptures that sum up my 2017
introspective conclusions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129;">“Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships,
broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness
without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to
God's faithful presence in our lives.” - Henri J. M. Nouwen</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129;">“Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to
love.” – random internet meme post</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129;">John 2:24- “But Jesus did not commit Himself unto them,
because He knew all men.”</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">Matthew 18:32-33 "Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: red; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? "</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: #1d2129;">Psalm 27- “</span><span style="color: #001320;">The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom
shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came on me to eat up my flesh,
they stumbled and fell. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Though
an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should
rise against me, in this will I be confident. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">One
thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in
the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the
LORD, and to inquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me
in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set
me up on a rock. And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round
about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will
sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also on me,
and answer me.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">When you said, Seek you my face; my heart said to you, Your
face, LORD, will I seek. Hide not your face far from me; put not your servant
away in anger: you have been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God
of my salvation.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take
me up.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because
of my enemies.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Deliver me not over to the will of my enemies: for false
witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the
LORD in the land of the living.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen
your heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #001320;">Happy
2018 to you and yours. May you be able to heal from the hurts of 2017 and
learn from your experiences as you wait on the Lord. His faithfulness will pull
you through, every time.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-23692639881796824452017-06-10T16:42:00.000-05:002018-01-01T18:22:04.373-06:00Chopping Down Trees<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For
months my writing has been reduced to adding things and checking off things
from my TO DO LIST. Currently there are only 19 items on it, a record.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But
if I am honest, the blogging hiatus has been due to more than my status quo of
an always busy life. It’s been several long months of pushing my way through my personal forest of old familiar foliage, and finally opening
up new spaces for the sunlight to find its way through.</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">What is that like?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It's hacking
away at some old dead trees, some of which I've been working on for years. When they finally fall, sitting down on them
for a while, staring off into nothing.
Then finally forcing myself to get up and try to roll them off the side
of the hill to make space for new life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And pausing
to look up at the now visible sky between the trees that I hadn’t noticed
before.</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq5tLGFUwtcl89U0zek9TgZToGBuaFh49CbKLDlOgJbzk4KTiIknhPXIqdRQddAJlycFifnb9IXxFirqkkUEAk6y_-ZWbOz8wovyV3T7hjurenIAE6ILwMMrGQkc1XhNNapAoD5jLj1Ko/s1600/Trees_and_sunshine-800x430.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="430" data-original-width="800" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq5tLGFUwtcl89U0zek9TgZToGBuaFh49CbKLDlOgJbzk4KTiIknhPXIqdRQddAJlycFifnb9IXxFirqkkUEAk6y_-ZWbOz8wovyV3T7hjurenIAE6ILwMMrGQkc1XhNNapAoD5jLj1Ko/s400/Trees_and_sunshine-800x430.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then
figuring out what to plant next, and how to transplant new plants into the space
left behind. Figuring out how to make
them live, how much water they need, and how not to kill them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And
when you have some brand new baby plants you aren’t even sure how to take care
of yet, you prefer not draw too much attention to them, lest the curious or the
critical come and trample the new life before it gets a fair start. Hence the lack of communication.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My
big dead trees included some surprising things.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Church
was one. Church with a little c. Finally
being willing to walk away from what was hurting me and leaving me empty over
and over again without feeling guilty that I was abandoning God or His Church. I still attend services, I have not forsaken
the assembling together, but I no longer have membership, volunteering, being accepted, having a ministry title, and belonging to the club on the pedestal I’ve
had it on my whole life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The
final breaking point was definitely the election as it unfolded in 2016 and its
results. Seeing so much of the church embrace
and defend what so little resembled the true gospel was the final crack in the
root of that tree in my life. Going
forward, my loyalty is to Jesus and his teachings, not to the Bible Belt
political gospel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The
crash of that tree has opened up a clearing in my forest for many beautiful
moments of having picnics in the open space. Finding and keeping like-minded
friends from a variety of backgrounds and hearing God speak to me through their
voices and lives without agenda has been both rich and healing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Let
me know if you want to come over to a picnic. :-)</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Another
big tree that was pretty dead already was complementarianism. For several years now as a Christian, I have
been reluctant to openly declare that I am a feminist and egalitarian, but I’m
at the point that I feel it is the most honest and most Biblical place I can
be. I can respect my friends who are
complementarian, but I would ask for the same respect in return. I had already chopped down the tree of patriarchy
quite some time ago which probably quite literally saved my life since it had
me cornered in a cult (but that’s another story).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For
those of you whose hackles raised at the mention of feminism, the dictionary
definition of that oft misunderstood word is simply this: “the theory of the
political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” That’s it. No bra
burning, no male bashing, and nothing to be afraid of as a Jesus follower. It is, in fact practically synonymous with Galatians
3:28 in the Bible: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor
free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And
for those of you wondering, yes, you can be pro-life and a feminist. Check out the <a href="https://www.newwavefeminists.com/" target="_blank">New Wave Feminists movement</a> as
proof.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then
there was tree that still had quite a bit of green in it that I didn’t realize
needed to come down. This was the tree
of white privilege. Getting woke, as
they say, has not been hard in the sense that I resisted, but hard in the sense
that I had no idea how much I was missing all this time, right here in the USA. Listening to my American brothers
and sisters of color, beginning to understand more about past and current systemic
racism in my country, seeing micro-aggressions as real and daily, and most of
all, comprehending that, as hard as my life has been in many aspects, I have
continually benefitted from white privilege over and over again and still do,
has all been part of my waking up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In
the past I mistook being missional and having a degree of cultural awareness and
competency for being woke. I thought
because I had been a missionary and lived as a foreigner overseas for six years that I got it. I thought because
I had seen discrimination from the other side, understood the plight of the
persecuted church, interacted with sensitivity and appreciation among other
cultures, and comprehended the immensity of first world luxury that I was fully
woke. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I
was not. I would still hesitate to claim
I have fully awoken, but I am listening and learning how to be a better white
ally to those in my own neighborhood. That
is a journey I am still on. Sadly, I
find it puts me even more out of step with many church folks and people in my
conservative homeschooling circles who still deny both that their white privilege
is real and that their brothers and sisters of color deal with racism daily.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But
oh yes, the homeschooling! That big
lovely tree over there! Two out of
three of my children have graduated and one has two years left in high school. I have to put in a disclaimer that our
current version of homeschooling is my son taking all his subjects from tutors-
he is with them in classes one a day week at a co-op, and does the work at home
on the other days. I am still the school
principal and class monitor, but he is well on his way to fully independent
study.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Happily
for me, all three of my almost adult children are still living at home, and we
get along decently well almost all of the time. While the specter of the empty
nest looms it still somehow seems unreal and far away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My
midwifery practice is definitely one of the biggest trees in my woods, and this year I’m
learning how to take on the role of administrator at the birthing center where
I work. It’s gratifying but not always
comfortable, learning how to take care of things that need to get done without stressing
myself out or driving everyone crazy. Fortunately
work has always been my happy place, and still is, even in my role as (sort of)
boss. There is nothing more redemptive
than the labor of a woman and the birth of a baby, and as hard as it is to be a
full time midwife, getting to share that miracle over and over again has been
one of the most consistently bright places in my life so far.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Here’s
one more reason why I feel my job is sacred- <a href="http://shelovesmagazine.com/2014/holy-spirit-midwife/" target="_blank">my role being compared to that of the Holy Spirit</a>.</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So
with the three big trees of church idolatry, complementarianism and ignorance
of white privilege and racism chopped down, I think I now have a nice open
space in my woods to set up my desk, open my laptop and get back to regular blogging. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Stay
tuned! And let me hear from you! Where are you in your journey, and what trees have you chopped down lately? Comments are open! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-39162088432111786352017-01-01T17:37:00.001-06:002018-01-16T14:30:50.628-06:00Vain Labor<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Isaiah 49:4 is a verse I memorized at some point in the past. It has been going around in my mind lately as I ponder 2016, and my whole life in
some respects. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The first half…<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Isaiah 49:4 NIV- “But
I said, ‘I have labored in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing at all.’” </b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtU6zbdgz2AjaQCus6Qy_1DX9pLLv7gV_2Ge3mgt7r2c0fc1KZr9IOiA_XeiGwhOKg40OBL-x_zt65FUPxXZ7fOGz6IwDLIeypX9CeMsYKUn9ncRjIDb1DMxbFtJqq0cvnprqqiP49epc/s1600/mimirtjk9tu-susana-fernandez.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtU6zbdgz2AjaQCus6Qy_1DX9pLLv7gV_2Ge3mgt7r2c0fc1KZr9IOiA_XeiGwhOKg40OBL-x_zt65FUPxXZ7fOGz6IwDLIeypX9CeMsYKUn9ncRjIDb1DMxbFtJqq0cvnprqqiP49epc/s400/mimirtjk9tu-susana-fernandez.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes I feel like this is me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>NLT- “I replied, ‘But
my work seems so useless! I have spent
my strength for nothing and to no purpose.’”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Getting the short end of the stick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>NET- “But I thought, ‘I
have worked in vain; I have expended by energy for absolutely nothing.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Wondering if all I’ve given out in my lifetime will ever pay off in something
long term and tangible that I personally get to benefit from.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>God’s Word
Translation- “But I said: ‘I have worked hard for nothing. I have used my strength but I didn’t
accomplish anything.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Often feeling unrewarded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Today I went back to this place in the Bible, to read the
context, to find the end of this story. Turns out, Isaiah 49 is a Messianic chapter,
describing the Messiah’s mission. In
other words, the “I” in this verse is actually Jesus speaking his feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, believe it or not, Jesus was feeling this. Numerous commentaries back this up and
expound on it: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Barns- </i>“This is to be regarded as the language of the
Messiah when his ministry would be attended with comparatively little success…The
expression used here is not to be taken absolutely, as if He had no success in
His work, but it means that he had comparatively no success; He was not
received and welcomed by the united people; He was rejected and despised by
them as a whole….it means than in His personal ministry He had exhausted His
strength and seen comparatively little fruit of His toils.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Gills-</i> “…this is not to be understood of the travail of his
soul, or of his sufferings and death, which were not in vain…but of his
ministry and miracles, and fatiguing journeys among the Jews; which, with
respect to them, were in vain, as to their conversation and reformation; they
were rejecting the Messiah, slighting his doctrines and miracles, refusing to
be gathered by him, being a faithless and perverse generation.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Pulpit Commentary</i>- “The Servant had momentarily desponded,
seeing the small results of all his efforts to reclaim Israel, and had felt a
natural human regret at so much labor apparently expended in vain…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Trying to grasp that Jesus felt exactly the way I do. That He, too, looked back over many years of miles
He walked, prayers He prayed, people He poured into, hours of sharing his heart
and being vulnerable with people, hard work He did, giving it all over and over, and momentarily
wondered, “Was all that pain and sacrifice proportionate to the little bit of
good that came out of it?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I picture Jesus near the end of His ministry, standing on
a hill a small distance away from His disciples sitting around the fire at night, watching them and listening to them talk and laugh, and feeling very tired, alone and
discouraged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">To realize that these feelings I have were shared by Jesus,
brings immeasurable comfort that I am not, indeed, at a dead end. My feelings are real, and the place of grappling
with disillusionment is also real. But this
is something normal that happens when we try to make a difference in the world,
when we go out on a limb to not just look out for ourselves but invest in
others. We will come to a place of wondering if the hard work and pain it cost
us, and the lack and emptiness we now feel personally as a result, was worth
the outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But the reason for that may be because we invested largely
in other peoples’ outcomes, not our own. We aren’t experiencing the fruits of
our labors, <i>they </i>are. So we feel empty because we have poured
ourselves out, but there are other people in the world a little fuller because
we did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The extent of our efforts may not fully be understood even by those we served, nor accurately measured in this lifetime. Those of us who try to be the most generous may look like we are coming in last.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But the end of the verse is our hope: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>NIV- “ … Yet what is
due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">All that we have given, invested, sacrificed does
count. It may not count in immediate
tangible numbers, but in the final accounting, it does and will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>NLT- “…Yet I leave it
all in the Lord’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">There are many kinds of rewards. Some include appreciation,
respect, loyalty, promotion, good outcomes, and positive results. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>NET Bible- “…But the
Lord will vindicate me; my God will reward me.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Or maybe even financial renumeration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>God’s Word
Translation- “…Yet, certainly my case is in the Lord’s hands, and my reward is
with my God.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But the reward we get from the very hand of God,
either in this life, or the next, will trump all else. Our current status, our position
and our bank account balances are not the final indication of our effectiveness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Barns- “…This expresses the confidence of the speaker, that
God approved of his work and that He would ultimately give such effort to His
labors as he had desired. The sense is, ‘I
know that Jehovah approves my work, and that He will grant me the reward of my
toils, and my sufferings. The idea is
that he knew that God would own and accept His work through it was rejected by
mankind. It indicates perfect confidence
in God, and a calm and unwavering assurance of His favor, though His work was
comparatively unsuccessful- a spirit which, it is needless to say, was evinced
throughout the whole life of the Redeemer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My 2017 prayer for myself and for my friends who feel the
way I do is that we, like Jesus, will have a calm and unwavering assurance of
God’s favor, regardless of all the things that haven’t worked out for us, even
when we did our best to do the right thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And that we will learn to look to Him for our reward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>ISV- "I said, 'I've labored for nothing. I've exhausted my strength on futility and on emptiness.' Yet surely my recompense is with the Lord, and my reward is with my God."</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-16044433848824806302016-10-23T20:54:00.000-05:002016-10-24T07:02:10.049-05:00Letter to the Author<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Excuse me, Author. Yes, you with
the keyboard. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x5tVWBlBLy0768GtPsOKwc2M1Liw025GQueeZydmiBs2PWnMSUKqN_Hp_tuuWglZR71vq_QcyqV0-NeG15CHv7H0eIhyphenhyphendr0JG1K4-hwfkMLx1OyZR-KmReINWRJx_8SnpGoGcPtwNpg/s1600/ThinkstockPhotos-508178484.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x5tVWBlBLy0768GtPsOKwc2M1Liw025GQueeZydmiBs2PWnMSUKqN_Hp_tuuWglZR71vq_QcyqV0-NeG15CHv7H0eIhyphenhyphendr0JG1K4-hwfkMLx1OyZR-KmReINWRJx_8SnpGoGcPtwNpg/s400/ThinkstockPhotos-508178484.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This your character, your
protagonist. Can we talk? I mean, I know you are in the middle of writing
my story and all, but I was wondering if we could make it a little more
personal for a minute.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I know what they tell you in those writer’s conferences: “Create
the best possible characters and then do the worst possible things to them.” Is that what is going on here? I’m just wondering. Because half of that statement is flattering and
half of it is terrifying, just saying. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I’m also curious, is my story plot driven or
character driven? Is this about the
events happening around me or is this about me and how I will change and grow
through the course of my story? ‘Cause
an awful lot of things have happened in my story so far, but I’ve also changed
a lot- so I wasn’t exactly sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Anyway, I wonder if it would be possible to make a couple of
special requests. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">As you are so amazingly creative, I’m sure you could find
another plot device other than depression to make my character relatable. I mean, I see what you are doing there, and I
know lots of your readers can relate to depression, but, maybe you could find
something else? Not another disease
though. I’m sure you can think of
something. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Also, I’m a little concerned because I know that things
going normally and smoothly will generally make for boring reading, but I’ll
bet you could write so well as to make an exception to that rule. I’d like this trend to last for more than one
chapter. I seriously don’t want the plot
to get any more conflicted or exciting now that you’ve resolved some of the
previous conflicts you introduced earlier on.
You could start a new trend in literature. You know, like the way people watch those
webcams in eagle’s nests where nothing goes on for hours and days and then
finally a baby eagle pecks its way out and the parent feeds it and in the next
few weeks it gradually and predictably grows up and flies away and everyone is
enthralled. The rest of my story could be like that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Seriously, you really should consider not introducing more
conflict or this story won’t be believable. Your readers will get skeptical. They will start saying, no way, this much
crap could never happen to one person- this is totally unrealistic. And you wouldn’t want that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I’ll tell you what I would like. Just a suggestion, mind you, but this could
be the point in the story where my character gets out of denial, looks down at
how much weight she is gaining, admits that those pounds are starting to make
her physically uncomfortable, and gets off the couch and does something about
it before it is too late. She could even
get real intense about it and start working out, juicing, yoga, the works, and reinvent
herself into some kind of middle-aged super diva, like Barbara Streisand in The Mirror Has Two Faces.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Also, you could pull some kind of positive surprise twist where
the small business she buys suddenly takes off and makes a boat load of money,
more than she ever expected, and she has money to invest. That could open up all kinds of possibilities
for the rest of the book. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">(I’m not trying to do your job here, just give you some ideas
in case you were having writer’s block or something.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Am also making an important request not to make my character’s
kids do anything dramatic or crazy to move the plot along. You can give them their own book if you want
to do that kind of thing, but in this story they should be pleasing two-dimensional
support characters who do not get into any trouble whatsoever, if you please.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Okay, thank you for taking the time to listen to me and to
consider my requests. I mean, I know you
are in my head with my thoughts and my POV all the time, but I just wanted it
to be more direct for a change. Hope
you don’t think I’m out of line here, you know, like a pot asking the potter
why he made it a certain way. I
just felt that we were close enough to risk it. I may be wrong, but I kind of get the idea you
like me, so I thought I would take a chance to tell you how I was feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">But of course, you already knew, didn’t you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Of course you did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Because I’m your character.
You dreamed me up, and wrote me from your imagination. You selected my strengths and chose my flaws.
There is not a word in my mouth that you did not write, nor a thought in my
head that did not flow from your character sketch of me. My life is your story board, and you know my
beginning and my end. You fully control
my plot line and each minute detail from the opening sentence to the closing chapter. Before you began my story you decided the
theme and the setting, and drew my outline. You planned the trajectory of my
internal and external conflict and how that would develop my character. You know exactly how many words my book
contains and how it will finish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So, I know you actually took this request of mine into consideration
before I made it, and I can trust you with my story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Come to think of it, You can just keep writing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-10414908924432379682016-10-21T00:53:00.001-05:002018-01-21T08:43:04.333-06:00It Was Really About Women, not Trump or Clinton<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQLM6pcJwf3WyduuRZ8bOK96BL80voFr32t7el4HWfO2gb5XoA4qfF7UnuGWO20MAi10dBsYD3t6MuRXnkQ9UqM7fAWDok3QsrzU5aYorDlesuxbbXmBLh-wa3Rf_gRXQCNKOXQ9A-yw8/s1600/ThinkstockPhotos-dv1954051.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQLM6pcJwf3WyduuRZ8bOK96BL80voFr32t7el4HWfO2gb5XoA4qfF7UnuGWO20MAi10dBsYD3t6MuRXnkQ9UqM7fAWDok3QsrzU5aYorDlesuxbbXmBLh-wa3Rf_gRXQCNKOXQ9A-yw8/s400/ThinkstockPhotos-dv1954051.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">One week ago I wrote an open <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-letter-to-dr-james-dobson.html" target="_blank">letter to Dr. James Dobson</a> and posted it on my blog.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then the next day there was some kind of a rare hunter's super moon, and all the women in my care tried to go into labor at the same time. Off I went to deliver babies for several nights in a row. </span><span style="font-size: large;">When I checked back on my blog, I saw it had kind of blown up- </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">113,000 views and over 100 comments and counting. Certainly a record for my corner of the internet, definitely indicating I hit a nerve or two. The numbers were frankly terrifying. </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">However one thing I noticed is that at least half of the people commenting and probably also reading completely missed my point.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Some people thought I wrote my blog to (just) to rant on Trump. (I didn't.) Some people thought I was saying Clinton isn't as bad as Trump (I wasn't), and was therefore indirectly supporting her (I don't). Some people thought it was hypocritical to point out Trump's ("minor") faults and not mention any of Clinton's ("major") ones. Some people thought I didn't care about unborn babies because I didn't mention them. (I do, deeply.) That just wasn't what I was blogging about that day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If I had been writing a political blog about Trump versus Clinton, some of this criticism might have had some merit, but I actually wasn't. I also wasn't writing to campaign for anyone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I wrote an open letter and addressed one Christian leader directly. In so doing, I was also attempting to address more broadly Christian leaders and their attitudes toward men's moral behavior, the treatment of women, and issues of abuse and sexual assault. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Oh, you say, is that all? Dirty talk versus real politics and the fate of the nation? Get over it. Those women are all probably lying anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Except it is hard to get over something all us women live with. Almost every woman alive has a story. You would be hard pressed to find a single woman on this planet who hasn't been cat-called, addressed disrespectfully, propositioned, stalked, groped, had inappropriate sexual advances made to her, or been sexually assaulted or abused in some way in her lifetime. #metoo</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Along with that experience, the majority of those women have a correlating, equally devastating experience. Their sexual harassment or assault or abuse was minimized or denied. The women were told no one would believe them, or, they were accused of exaggerating, lying, or having less than pure motives in reporting what happened to them. In extreme cases they were totally shunned or excommunicated from their families as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Sadly, the odds of both experiences are exponentially higher if they were Christians or in a religious setting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My first experience happened at a Christian radio station where I worked when I was 19. One night when I was by myself recording commercials, the lead Christian DJ (who was married) entered the studio, came up behind me without warning and put his hands on my breasts. I pushed him away and ran out into the foyer- he followed hastily and apologized before I left. When I asked my mom and step-dad if I should say anything to the boss, I was told it would be my word against his since there were just the two of us there, and people would probably believe him instead of me, and it would hurt my reputation. And after all, "nothing really happened," so I was advised not to tell anyone. When I tried to confront the DJ later about his behavior, he became very condescending and said the real issue in the situation seemed to be mine since I couldn't forgive him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i>Abusers who know the Bible love to misuse our command from Jesus to forgive and twist it into a manipulation against truth, confrontation and consequences.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So I didn't tell anyone at the station, and put in my resignation. And for a very long time I freaked out when anyone came up behind me. Although I never deliberately tuned into that station again, it was the only Christian station in our area so I would frequently have to hear this man's voice over the air for years to come.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Fast forward many years to my marriage when my husband and I were finally in counselling after several years and I was trying to talk about abuse, my fears, and what was happening to me on a daily basis. I was told things by pastors like, "You also have issues you need to work on- there are two sides to this you know." "You are over-reacting," and "You aren't really in danger, he just needs anger management." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">One night I was so scared I ran out of our apartment and went to a co-worker's home to call our pastor. The co-worker and his wife were home and let me in to use the phone...and then when my husband showed up furious looking for me, they left me there alone with him. I will never forget what my young co-worker said as he turned around and looked at me before he left. "Roxanne, I'm sorry, but your husband is my boss. I'm going to let you guys work this out." The pastor I called told me to go home and say sorry and make up with him. <i>I eventually did. It was very a bad night.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Those are some of my stories of groping and abuse being minimized, but many other people's are much worse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There have been many high profile sexual scandal and marital abuse issues in the media, but the ones by Christians are particularly painful. Whether it is Bill Gothard, or Josh Dugger or Doug Philips one thing you will see in common is that some public opinion almost always turns viciously against the women involved. Particularly notable is what happened when Naghmeh the wife of the high profile Iranian Christian pastor </span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit;">Saeed Abedini came forward at the time of his release from prison, seeking protection for herself and her children through legal separation. Under </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">great psychological and emotional distress, </span><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://www.christianpost.com/news/naghmeh-abedini-breaks-silence-saeed-abedini-christian-persecution-iran-151967/" target="_blank">Naghmeh made a simp</a></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.christianpost.com/news/naghmeh-abedini-breaks-silence-saeed-abedini-christian-persecution-iran-151967/" target="_blank">le personal statement to supporters by email</a> and said Saeed had a pornography addiction and had abused her for years </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">emotionally, physically and sexually. For her agonizing honesty expressed privately, she </span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">got raked publicly over the coals by the Christian community and her abuse dismissed </span><span style="color: #111111; font-size: large;">publicly</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> by Franklin Graham:</span><br />
<span style="color: #111111;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://www.charismanews.com/world/54827-franklin-graham-on-abedini-marriage-there-are-two-sides-to-every-story" target="_blank">"Not everything that has been reported in the media is true,"</a> Franklin posted on Facebook. </span><span style="background-color: white;">"While we rejoice at his new freedom, we now lift him and his wife Naghmeh to the Lord for healing in their marriage. Other than God, no one knows the details and the truth of what has happened between Saeed and Naghmeh except them. There's an old saying that there are at least two sides to every story." </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This is Christian-speak for "don't believe everything his wife Naghmeh has said."<i> There were, by the way, no other "media reports" being circulated in their case he could have been referring to. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #111111;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The attitudes of Christian leaders toward the women who have been assaulted or abused remains largely the same as it does in non-religious settings, if not worse. Women are just as regularly suspected of not telling the truth, of exaggerating, or of having ulterior motives. Their experiences are often min</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">imized</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> and dismissed as inconsequential. </span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">In Christian circles instead of being defended, comforted, supported and protected, if women are actually believed, they are told they "must forgive," and the abuser is often let off the hook as long as he "says sorry". Married women are encouraged to stand by their man and move on for the sake of the larger issues- "not letting the devil destroy their marriage" their children, their witness, or their ministry. Single women who are molested are often shamed and the focus goes to what they were wearing or how they were acting or if they behaved inappropriately.</span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I will never forget where I was when one of my male relatives asked me, "just what was it" that my husband did that I would divorce him. When I replied that he was a sexual addict, addicted to pornography, abusive, and had been cheating on me for our whole marriage, his reply was, "That's it?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This was the attitude I was confronting in James Dobson in his support of Trump. This attitude which is widespread in the church that minimizes the moral character failings of men and the pain of the women who suffer from them. This is the attitude that looks for ways to dismiss reports of inappropriate sexual behavior by men with statements like, "It was a long time ago." "He said sorry." "He has repented." "Judge not lest you be judged." "Nobody is perfect." "After all David committed adultery and he was a man after God's own heart." "It was just talk." "She's probably lying." "You have to forgive." "Two sides to every story." "It's a conspiracy." </span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-size: large;">These are not new or unique statements from Trump supporters in this election. These are statements that Christians and others have been making, and abused and molested women have been hearing over and over for a long, long time. And when they hear those statements now defending Trump, particularly by Christians who say they stand for morals, they are wounded all over again.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This, in spite of how we are supposed to be the "moral majority" and stand up for Biblical values in our culture. But if we can't even stand up for truth and morality among ourselves in our churches, for everyone including women <i>and yes, I haven't forgotten, our precious unborn babies too</i>, <i>but the women are the ones who have the babies so let's start there shall we?</i> then how are we supposed to be the moral compass of our nation?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Standing up for morality isn't sweeping reports of abuse under the carpet, nor is it blaming the victim, nor is it "praying for the marriage" when we should be helping the woman get out of an abusive situation, nor is it ignoring or minimizing reports spousal abuse or sexual misconduct by those who are in leadership in churches.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Or in those who are running for president.</span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One voice among </span>prominent conservative<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Christian leaders has notably stood against Trump from the beginning. Max Lucado, all the way back in February wrote a piece called </span><a href="https://maxlucado.com/decency-for-president/" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">"Decency for President."</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> In it he wrote about his test for someone dating his daughter. He had to be "decent." He raised concerns about how Trump behaved toward women and made the connection- the way a man treats women says volumes about his character in other areas. And then he concluded,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #111111; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"I have no inside track on the intricacies of a presidential campaign. I’m a pastor. I don’t endorse candidates or place bumper stickers on my car. But I am protective of the Christian faith...."</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is where I was coming from with my letter to Dr. Dobson. Like Max Lucado, I have no inside track on the intricacies of politics and my intent last week - believe it or not- actually wasn't to write a political blog. But I am protective of the Christian faith. I care about what goes on in the church, for we are supposed to represent Jesus. And I believe our values should be consistent with our faith. If we say we stand for character and morality, (as James Dobson spent a lifetime </span>publicly<span style="font-family: inherit;"> doing) then let's consistently stand for character and morality and be that moral compass.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Christians, our first citizenship is in the Kingdom of God, and we will have that Kingdom intact in our hearts no matter who becomes president in our country of residence. So let's see that we reflect the attitudes of our King in the way we are respecting and standing up for people among ourselves first, i</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">ncluding women <i>and yes unborn babies</i>, and those who report abuse and sexual assault (who I should add, are not always women). We can start by taking what they have been through seriously, and by not giving their abusers a free pass.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Let's live the values we say we believe. We have one vote on one day for this election, but then we will have 1,460 days to live until the next election. If we were as passionate about living our Christian values every one of those days...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If we love our neighbors as we love ourselves,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If we do unto others as we want them to do to us,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If we treat women - and all people- the way Jesus did, and stand up for victims,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If we stick to all these Biblical values personally and in that way hold up that standard to our culture, we win, no matter who is elected.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As for me personally, I've recently made the decision to vote for <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2016/10/17/why-people-of-faith-dont-have-to-vote-between-the-lesser-of-two-evils/" target="_blank">Evan McMullin</a>. I will be posting support for him on my social media, and encouraging others to consider him as a choice. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">But at the end of the day, no matter who is voted president, I will commit to pray daily for that individual.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">Because if I say I stand for Biblical values, I have to live them, not just vote for them, although the goal is to make those two things as consistent as possible.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So the point of my original blog wasn't (only) how evil Trump was, nor was I implying he was necessarily a worse choice for president than Clinton. I was instead, attempting to be a voice for women who have been abused, and to tell you how<i> they, we, I </i>feel when James Dobson, or any of you defend Trump, a man who reminds many of us of our abuser.</span><br />
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<br />Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-44232915523010091382016-10-14T00:39:00.000-05:002016-10-21T10:08:33.059-05:00A Letter to Dr. James Dobson<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Dr
Dobson,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You don’t
know me. But I am one of millions that you have
influenced. I always looked up to you, and you, through your books,
gave me advice that may have saved my life. I’ll tell you more about
that later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My mother
read your books too and all your early titles were a part of our family
library. I listened to Focus on the Family growing
up. Your organization was our family's and our faith community’s
favorite resource- your voice was trusted and familiar when we heard it on the
radio, year after year. In a way, your strong kind voice was a
substitute for the dad I never really had.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then I
got married. And some things went very wrong, and I didn’t know why,
and I couldn’t talk about it to the people around me. I eventually
found out why- my husband was addicted to pornography. But we were
in full time ministry and he was in leadership, and there was no one who would
believe me, or be on my side. So, I turned to who I knew I could
trust- Focus on the Family. You were the only Christian voice I had
ever heard that was regularly open and passionate and clear about the dangerous
of pornography- so I knew I could turn to your organization for help and I
wouldn’t be blown off nor my situation minimized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And Focus
on the Family had resources for me. Referrals to counselors and
support groups to help me know what to do now that I had found out my husband
had been viewing pornography. Books to read to help me
understand, like, An Affair of the Mind. And one very important one,
written by you personally –Love Must be Tough. I ordered them and read them
through my tears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Due to a
horrible coincidence of my dad dying unexpectedly, I had a few days away from
my husband soon after I found out the truth that he was a sexual addict. <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2015/08/dear-anna-dugger-ive-been-there-heres.html" target="_blank"> I took a week to cry, read
books,find out as much as I could, pray, get advice, and try to figure out what
to do. </a> In your book Love Must Be Tough, I found many of the
answers I needed. It was the first place I read such clear advice
such as, if you husband has an affair and you want to forgive him and stay in
the marriage, tell him you will only do it once, and if he ever does it again,
you are getting a divorce. And then be willing to do
it. You made it clear that he couldn’t be given a free pass to keep
cheating with no consequences. Your book also said it was always okay to
leave if I wasn't safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I
desperately needed to hear that. Your book may have actually saved my life,
because it helped me see right and wrong more clearly and not compromise so I
was eventually able to get out of a dangerous situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You see,
Dr. Dobson, no one else at the time in the Christian community was speaking out
that strongly against pornography, or discussing affairs and abuse and how to
handle these things. All the Christian around me were minimizing
what my husband had done, and emphasizing that I must forgive him. Everyone
was saying it was <i>in the past</i>, and I should <i>think of the
future</i> of our marriage and our kids. Everyone but you. You
didn’t pull any punches. Your writings and advice were pro-marriage,
but not at any cost, and you did not advocate wives staying in abusive
relationships- a radical deviation from the advice I got from most Christians.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You
didn’t over spiritualize the way many Christians did. You were the
one who interviewed the serial murderer and rapist Ted Bundy on death row who
said that looking at pornography was the gateway to all of his violent
crimes. It was this interview that fueled your crusade against
pornography and you called it what it was- dangerous. Not something
all men looked at in locker rooms and kept under their beds. No boys
will be boys or men will be men excuses from you. Your
uncompromising stand gave both me and women like me hope and strength to stand
up as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #555555;">Dr. Dobson, after battling all your life against the evil
of pornography, after your clarion call to America that pornography destroys
intimacy, marriages, families and souls, are you going to vote for a man who
(among many other moral failures) has a lifetime of openly participating in
this kind evil and promoting it? </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #555555;"><br />
You, who were on the Attorney General's Commission on Pornography in the 1980s
and were part of publishing a 1,960 page report on every aspect of this evil
and its effect on our culture?</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #555555;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #555555;">Trump opened</span><span style="color: #252525;"> the
country's first in-casino strip club inside Trump Taj Mahal (</span><span style="color: #555555;">where no doubt many things happened that destroyed many
families). </span>Trump gave interviews for
Playboy magazine and actually stared as himself in a porn film. Trump said of
the owner of Playboy: <span style="color: #555555;">“Hugh Hefner
really understood the art of using mass media, better than anybody else of his
generation. He did something that really has been done very rarely — he made
himself the company, in terms of his image. And it's been a huge asset for
Playboy. It's really become such an amazing brand."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is not the kind of man you usually support. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">In 2008 you went on record and said you wouldn’t vote for
Republican John McCain as a matter of conscious. Your reasons? </span><span style="color: #222222;">Among others you said adultery, ethics, violent temper,
profane behavior, and his acceptance of gambling and alcohol money</span><span style="color: #333333;">.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-nickolas/dobson-calls-mccain-uneth_b_120112.html" target="_blank">Here is what you said then,</a> </span><b><i><span style="color: #757575;">“The Senator is being touted by the media as a man of
principle, yet he was involved with other women while married to his first
wife, and was implicated in the so-called Keating scandal with four other
senators. He was eventually reprimanded by the Congress for the
‘appearance of impropriety.’ The Senator reportedly has a violent temper and
can be extremely confrontational and profane when angry. These red flags
about Senator McCain’s character are reminiscent of the man who now occupies
the White House.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">Dr. Dobson, you felt pretty strongly about McCain’s
character and you weren’t afraid to say so and apparently to abstain from voting
even though he was the Republican Party candidate. There were some similarities
to the current election. In spite of his short comings, McCain was pro-life,
and Obama wasn’t. But in that election you didn’t say of McCain,
“these are misdeeds in his past” or “let him who is without sin cast the first
stone,” You didn’t suggest we should forgive McCain for the sake of our party
getting into the White House and for the sake of our important pro-life cause,
or the future of our country.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>(Actually, I find out, you more or less did. Other readers, see correction footnote at the end of the blog.)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">So let’s hold Trump up to this same standard you held
McCain. Trump also committed adultery with other women while married to his
previous <i>two</i> wives. Trump also “reportedly has a violent
temper and can be extremely confrontational and profane when angry” – we have
seen many examples of this during his campaign alone, not even counting
previous to that. You said just a couple of days ago, </span>"To my knowledge, Donald Trump has never abused women
physically or had oral sex in the Oval Office with a vulnerable intern.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, he hasn’t gotten to the oval office yet, but he’s
obviously exactly the kind of man would who <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/07/27/ex-wife-donald-trump-made-feel-violated-during-sex.html" target="_blank">abuse women physically</a> and have oral
sex or some other kind of sex with a vulnerable intern when he does get there-
or maybe he would “just” grab her genitals and try to kiss her. This
is a man who has <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/from-playboy-to-president-trumps-past-behavior-collides-with-his-white-house-bid/2016/05/09/46bed6f8-12fe-11e6-93ae-50921721165d_story.html" target="_blank">publicly bragged about his sex life for
years on the radio </a>with air trash talk with radio shock jock Howard
Stern:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;">“You could’ve gotten her, right?” Stern asked Trump
on-air shortly after Princess Diana’s death in 1997. “You could’ve nailed her.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;">“I think I could have,” Trump said.</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;">How about singer Mariah Carey? “Would you bang her?”
Stern asked. Trump replied, “I would do it without hesitation.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Or maybe you prefer to believe what Trump said that time
when Stern asked him,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;">“Is oral sex important to you? Man to man, and I’ve had
this discussion with many men.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;">Trump: “No, it’s not important to me.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 21.6pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We have<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2016-37595321" target="_blank">on tape evidence that he is a sexual
predator</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>and that he forces
unwilling women to accept his advances. And many women continue to come forward
confirming this is a regular pattern, and behavior not just talk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dr. Dobson, you are the one who taught me through your
radio shows and writings on marriage not to naively believe empty words, nor
promises, but to look for changed behavior before trust is given. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I don’t see the changed behavior. I see no
evidence that Trump is any different than the man who did all these things
consistently for most of his life. And isn’t it pretty logical to
look carefully at the whole history of a person before electing
them? Why does Trump get the “forgive and forget” pass when it has
never been issued before by us conservatives? What else can we use
to make a determination on what a person will do in the future, except his
personal history?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">If you could abstain from voting in a previous election
because you felt there were no good choices, it seems to me you could do it
again, and I would be so bold as to suggest it is even truer now than it was
then.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>(Or you could flip-flop, see update.)</i></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And Dr. Dobson, with all due respect, you did take the
Bible out of context. <a href="http://www.christianpost.com/news/james-dobson-hypocrisy-donald-trump-bill-clinton-oral-sex-oval-office-170756/" target="_blank">You said</a>, "I do not condone nor
defend Donald Trump's terrible comments made 11 years ago. They are
indefensible and awful. I'm sure there are other misdeeds in his past, although
as Jesus said, 'Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.' "<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In the scripture you referenced, (John 8) Jesus was not
defending from stones a man like Trump who had forced himself upon women and
made statements just one year ago <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/18/politics/trump-has-never-sought-forgiveness/" target="_blank">that he had never asked God for
forgiveness. </a>He was defending a woman on her face in the dirt in
shame and repentance before Him, who was a victim OF men like Trump who had
thrown her there and were attacking her out of their own self-righteousness and
political agendas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And once more for the record, Dr. Dobson, they are not just
comments.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/10/all-the-women-accusing-trump-of-rape-sexual-assault.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">They represent a
lifetime of behavior.</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><span style="color: blue;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You used to be a defender, Dr. Dobson. You defended women
like me and families like mine and said that pornography and immorality would
destroy us, and we could take a stand against it, and not tolerate it in any
form. You defended women like me and said we deserved to be treated
with respect and dignity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But now you are willing to put a man in the White House who
has spent a lifetime not just looking at pornography and practicing immorality
but promoting it, who <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/donald-trump-said-a-lot-of-gross-things-about-women-on-howar?utm_term=.kx0DXMnk#.gaE86kV5" target="_blank">repeatedly brags</a> about “banging
women”, repeatedly brags about how many women he has slept with, repeatedly
brags about sex outside of marriage, and even <a href="http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/10/donald-trump-called-a-sexual-predator-on-howard-stern-show.html" target="_blank">brags about being a sexual predator.</a> He
rates women’s value by the size of their body parts. He says pumping breastmilk<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/29/politics/trump-breast-pump-statement/" target="_blank"> is disgusting</a> and pregnancy
is <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/trump-2004-pregnancy-inconvenience-employers-n580366" target="_blank">inconvenient to employers</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In short, he has spent his entire lifetime trampling on the
family values you have fought for Dr. Dobson, and he has done it consistently,
openly and unapologetically.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Dr. Dobson, you are now aligning yourself with a man who victimizes instead
speaking up for his victims. By your vote, you are supporting the very
behaviors that caused me immeasurable pain and ultimately, the destruction of
my family. It feels to me like you have switched sides, and now are part
of a political system that considers women and their pain collateral damage to
a bigger agenda.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dr. Dobson, I’m challenging you- would you trust your
daughter Danae in an elevator alone with Mr. Trump? If not, then how
can you send him to the White House where he will have that kind of access and
power over many, many women in that situation? Can you look them in
the eye?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Utah Representative <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-idUSKCN1271RV" target="_blank">Jason Chaffetz said if he voted for Trump
he wouldn’t be able to look his 15 year old daughter in the eye. </a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">How about you, Dr. Dobson? Can you vote for
Trump and look your wife and daughter and all of us in the eye? How
about the victims of sexual violence? And the victims of pornography?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">I can’t tell you how disappointed many of us are that you
didn’t stand up for women this time. You threw us all under the bus for the
sake of a candidate who pays lip service to being pro-life (though he was
pro-choice not long ago) and might possibly make better nominations to the
Supreme Court. His lack of morals and any victims of that immorality are just
collateral damage to a more important agenda - </span><a href="http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/james-dobson-continues-to-support-trump-because-his-comments-dont-threaten-the-future-of-this-nation/" style="background-color: transparent; font-size: x-large;" target="_blank">"the future of this nation."</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s as if you personally are standing there, watching
Trump grope all of us and grab our body parts and try to force himself on us
and you turn a blind eye and pretend you don’t see because what really matters
is that he agreed to vote pro-life and appoint a conservative Supreme Court
justice and because Hillary is evil.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;">That’s how it feels as a woman to hear men say after we
are humiliated, assaulted, raped or cheated on, “Sure that was awful what he
did, but there are worse things, and anyway we should forgive because we are
Christians,” (And I’m not the only one to feel that way, apparently <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/10/beth-moore-the-christian-women-speaking-out-about-trump-s-bad-news.html" target="_blank">Beth Moore does too</a>.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2016/10/it-was-really-about-women-not-trump-or.html" target="_blank">This is the message you personally are sending the every single victim of sexual violence </a>when as a Christian leader you support Trump
instead of condemning him- that what happened to them isn’t that
bad. We don’t hear you sending the message that Hillary is worse and
the future of our country is at stake. We hear the message that
being a sexual predator doesn’t disqualify a man from being president… that
what happened to us isn’t criminal, just “terrible.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">What about being “pro-life” for our
lives? What about justice for us? What about the evil of
minimizing this kind of treatment of women? What about our future
and the future of our daughters in a country where the president has set an
example that insulting, exploiting, harassing and assaulting women is okay?
Isn't that a threat to the future of this nation as well?</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">Because make no mistake, Dr. Dobson,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2016-37595321" target="_blank">when you can listen to that tape that was
released</a>,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #333333;">when you can read all these things I’ve mentioned about
the way Trump treats women, talks about women, disrespects women, and sexually
assaults women, and say you will still vote for him, you ARE minimizing and
condoning this behavior. You can say all you like that his
comments are “indefensible and awful”, but apparently they- and the behavior
they described- aren’t bad enough to withhold a vote when something “bigger” is
at stake.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">Furthermore the way a man treats women says a lot about
his character in other areas Dr. Dobson, and I think you know
that. The <a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865664336/In-our-opinion-Donald-Trump-should-resign-his-candidacy.html" target="_blank">editorial in the Deseret newspaper</a> said
it well. </span><span style="color: #4b4b4b;"> “What oozes from this
audio is evil. We hear a married man give smooth, smug and self-congratulatory
permission to his intense impulses, allowing them to outweigh the most modest
sense of decency, fidelity and commitment.</span> And
although it speaks volumes about sexual morality, it goes to the heart of all
ethical behavior. Trump’s banter belies a willingness to use and discard other
human beings at will. That characteristic is the essence of a despot.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">I suspect you may find what you lost with this
endorsement is much greater than what you gained, for you have lost your
reputation as a man of discernment and character and consistency who champions
family values without agenda and who stands up against injustice.</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #555555;"><a href="https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/end-of-an-era-james-dobson-departs-focus-on-the-family" target="_blank">You said</a> in 2010, </span><span style="color: #333333;">“We are in a moral decline of shocking dimensions. I have
asked myself how I can I sit and watch the world go by without trying to help
if I can. That is what motivates me at this time.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;">I wish you had just watched; it would have been better
than this.</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: large;">We are
indeed in a moral decline when you, James Dobson, the champion of family values
are voting for a candidate who has no family values or morals at all. For me,
this is one of the greatest losses of the election so far. I
expected nothing from Trump, but that he would be who he has always been. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But I
expected that you would do the same, Dr. Dobson- that you would be who you had
always been- a man who stands up for values- and stands up for us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was
wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">10/15/16 Update:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">One of my more politically astute friends pointed something out to me that bears updating.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The quote I posted about Dr. Dobson not voting for John McCain was originally spoken early in 2000 and he stuck to that for quite a while saying he would not vote for McCain under any circumstances. But in August of 2006 Dr. Dobson actually changed his mind and decided to come out in support of McCain <span style="color: #333333;"><a href="http://swampland.time.com/2008/08/29/dobson_says_he_will_vote_mccai/" target="_blank">“If flip-flopping is a sin, then I am a sinner</a>," he said.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">On the one hand, it now makes sense why it was easier for Dr. Dobson to support Trump in this election, another immoral man he doesn't approve of. On the other hand, it gives me real hope that once again, Dr. Dobson might consider "flip-flopping", only this time the other way. He is obviously willing to change a public position when convicted to do so.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">What about it, Dr. Dobson? How about flip-flopping on your support of Trump and sending a message that you do care about how women are treated? </span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;">You wouldn't be the only Christian leader to honorably flip-flop. <a href="http://townhall.com/columnists/waynegrudem/2016/10/09/trumps-moral-character-and-the-election-n2229846" target="_blank">Wayne Grudem,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="http://townhall.com/columnists/waynegrudem/2016/10/09/trumps-moral-character-and-the-election-n2229846" target="_blank">prominent evangelical theologian, recently did just that.</a></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Your position in supporting Trump has added much ammunition to the lie that Christians don't really care about values or women, just power.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;">Would you like to prove them wrong? </span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com123tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-19556040296086867802016-09-25T23:26:00.000-05:002018-01-14T19:48:05.535-06:00You are here, Emmanuel <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisL0yKDOv5mGm2Ig2LCg4kGQzQjgovrUQv4NwKJkx3hvH09NzXPe2OqG5StHP8oM4W07KAKPpfIsihepmUdBvMRSZkTQ6s3pqZ-ldGlanfxNOa43r2jXiS06w7D5_SrnalnFG0sxOJQYg/s1600/Emmanuel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisL0yKDOv5mGm2Ig2LCg4kGQzQjgovrUQv4NwKJkx3hvH09NzXPe2OqG5StHP8oM4W07KAKPpfIsihepmUdBvMRSZkTQ6s3pqZ-ldGlanfxNOa43r2jXiS06w7D5_SrnalnFG0sxOJQYg/s400/Emmanuel.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">You are here in the hurricane</span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">, <span style="background: white;">You carry me through the
driving rain</span></span><br />
</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">All I need to know
is You are with me.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background: white;">You are here in the
desert sun</span>, <span style="background: white;">And in Your shadows
where I belong</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background: white;">All I need to know,
is You are with me.</span><br /><span style="background: white;">We will never walk
alone, Emmanuel</span>, <span style="background: white;">You abide with
us, Emmanuel</span><br /><span style="background: white;">You were there when
the battle raged</span>, <span style="background: white;">Now these scars
are a song of praise</span><br /><span style="background: white;">All I've ever known
is You beside me</span><br /><span style="background: white;">You were there in
the lions' den</span>, <span style="background: white;">You keep me safe
til I'm home again</span><br /><span style="background: white;">All I've ever known
is You beside me</span></i></span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">We believe that our God will
keep us</span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">, <span style="background: white;">Til the very
end</span><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">You are here, You are here,
Emmanuel</span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 107%;">, <span style="background: white;">You
are here, in the fire, Emmanuel</span></span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>(Emmanuel by Martin Smith,
from the album God’s Great Dance Floor)</i><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Today in a church, one of
many I have attended in my life, I sang this song. As I did, I pondered the significance in God
being there, and His tangible presence being with me, in that particular local
church.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">His Spirit was definitely
there today, in spite of the fact that there has been quite a mixture coming
from the pulpit of this church in the past year- everything from bizarre manifest
destiny revisionist history lessons by a nationally discredited guest speaker,
to amazing sermons on prayer and the Holy Spirit from the senior pastor that
contributed to my spiritual growth, to <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2016/02/valentines-day-lies-in-church.html" target="_blank">patriarchal marriage teaching on Valentine’s Day </a>from a church elder that insensitively ignored the existence of singles, possibility of spousal abuse or the daily realities of single parents in the congregation. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You are here, you are here,
Emmanuel. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I reflected again. It is really no less amazing that God showed
up in an imperfect church where there is a mixture of good and bad, truth and
lies today with His Holy Spirit than it is that He has done it many other times
for me throughout my life, and throughout history for all His people.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me when, at the age of 20, I reluctantly left my non-demoninational church of choice to attend a traditional Baptist church. My mother had remarried a narcissist posing as a Baptist preacher and I was told that I
needed to attend church with them in order to be right with God. I did, but continued to raise my hands and
use sign language while singing traditional hymns, much to the alarm of the elders. Eventually I found I could close my eyes, shut them out, and still have
my worship time with Jesus in that church too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You are here in the fire,
Emmanuel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me when a
few years later I was worshipping Him in the weekly services of a cult that I unwittingly
joined. His presence remained with me there
in a setting where I was almost completely controlled and deceived by a number
of dangerous false teachings; where for almost two years I was told I had a
spirit of Jezebel and was unable to hear from God or even pray apart from the
direction and covering of male leadership, and where all of the congregation
was taught that to go to a doctor for medical help for even a life threatening
condition was lack of faith that would open us up to demons.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You kept me safe in the lion’s
den.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me a
couple of years later when I was praising Him weekly in one of the biggest Cantonese
Christian churches in Hong Kong. I was surrounded by strangers who didn’t speak
English, didn’t know me, and didn’t know that I was trapped in an abusive
marriage and singing and weeping my heart out every week not out of joy, or
from a burden for the lost, but out of desperation to enter God’s presence for
a few minutes to get what I needed to survive one more week of hell on earth. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You kept me safe til I’m
home again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me in the
church in Nepal, a foreigner singing in an unfamiliar language, struggling to
understand the words of the sermon, swathed in local clothing and sitting at
the back of the church on the floor nursing my baby under my scarf. He whispered to me there in the wind that
came in the back door and reminded me that He spoke my language and fully understood
what I could not clearly express to those around me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">All I’ve ever known is You
beside me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me in the
California mega-church where I attended while I was fighting to hold my
marriage together though my heart was broken in a million pieces by
unfaithfulness, lies and betrayal. I
offered up my praise and worship in tightly scheduled services and His Spirit
slipped through the spaces in the script to comfort my heart. I heard God speak to
me directly on grace and deliver me from a lifetime of legalism through a
pastor who didn’t even know my name. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now these scars are a song
of praise.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me in the small
Texas church where after my divorce I finally found the joy and freedom to
dance in praise again. I encountered God and His anointing and provision multiple
times in multiple ways in the seven years we attended and thought I had found
my permanent safe place, totally unaware of the lack of ethics in the leadership.
I would eventually be attacked and turned against and leave so disillusioned
and deeply wounded that my children and I are still recovering several years
later. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We will never walk alone,
Emmanuel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was there with me where we
visited more than one church, for seasons of each, looking for a good fit. No matter where we were, God’s presence found
a way through whatever style of worship was there, and whatever type of message
was preached. In each place God and His Spirit would always find its way
through the imperfect form to our hearts with conviction, instruction and encouragement.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You are here with us, Emmanuel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My mind traveled back over
all these seasons today, and I again marveled at how God is not limited by the century,
the environment, the culture, the script, man’s agendas, less than pure motives
in leadership, church trends, size, politics, legalism or even false
doctrine. He can and He will break through all of it
to the hungry heart seeking Him and reach and them with His anointing, His Word and
His truth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am not alone in my
experiences. There are centuries of
church history full of such stories. But He is faithful even when we get it
wrong, or when the church we are worshipping in gets it wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">If it were not so, He would
not be anywhere. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But He is here, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He is here, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Emmanuel. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-27725220326344576172016-06-12T15:30:00.000-05:002018-01-16T14:26:33.547-06:00A Raft instead of a Village<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Are you CRYING?!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My 15 year old son reacted in alarm as he happened to glance
over at my face as I was driving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(The very fact that this is an unusual occurrence these days
says a lot.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Yeah.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Why?!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I struggled to put it into words. I had randomly thought of a couple who had
lived on a street we had just passed, a young couple we were friends with, no
children, who had been on staff and in church with me at a very difficult time
in my life when I was becoming single and going back to work with three young
children. Based on the relationship we
had, I had specifically reached out to them and asked if they could be a
temporary part of my support team in the absence of family to help me with my
kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They had politely declined, citing busy work, school and life
schedules. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And I felt embarrassed for asking, and went on without their
help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And now, I had made it, without them, and didn’t need that
kind of help anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Weird reason to cry, I know.
But suddenly it had all come flooding back, the memory of my desperate day-to-day
struggle to find child care and help ten years ago, when my kids were too young
to be left alone, when they couldn’t drive themselves places, when every day
was cobbling together tiny pieces of life and support wherever I could find it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Memories also, of another young couple from our church, also
on staff and working in the same department and living very close to me. More than once they walked right past me
making endless phone calls seeking childcare, or struggling with small children
and bags of groceries, or needing other practical assistance with my house, without
offering to step in, and making it abundantly clear with specific statements and
deliberate behavior that they did not want to get involved in helping me unless
it involved pay. I’m pretty sure they weren’t
trying to be mean, but rather thought they were doing the right thing
establishing healthy boundaries for their personal lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So I redefined what “friendship” with them meant, and went
on without their help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I went on, without parents, without other family, and
without much practical help from a church “family” who saw me every Sunday
teaching children’s church or in the nursery and never really ever got what I
was going through the other six days a week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">‘Cause I put a brave face on it, as best I could. And somehow, there was always just enough
help to get by on. Not comfortably. Not consistently. But enough to keep from going under.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And eventually, there were others. A sweet lady in my church who babysat for a
living and watched all three of my kids for the price of what she usually
charged for one. Another acquaintance,
not in my church, who had taught my daughter sewing class, and watched my kids
a few times for free. A boss that let me
bring my kids with me to work. One
family who sometimes picked up my son from Royal Rangers and took him home
afterwards. And eventually, a children’s pastor and his wife who were at our
church for a brief year and truly lived and understood what the words “church
family” and “community” and “relationship” were supposed to mean- after years
of emptiness there was actually someone at my church who would regularly offer
to come pick up my kids for events and either bring them home or have them
spend the night at their home afterwards. They were also the first ones in my
own actual church to make me feel like they saw me as real family, and liked to
be a part of my life instead of performing a reluctant Christian service when I
asked for help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This meant a lot because I spent so much of my time
agonizing over asking for the simplest “favors”- like once or twice a year
asking another family with kids in an event with mine to pick them up or bring
them home when I was working. And when
they did, but didn’t say, “sure, no trouble,” or act positive, or offer to
do it again, I would obsess over whether they thought I was needy or taking
advantage or asking too much, or if I should have offered them more gas money. Even
when people were nice, I was always worried that I had asked one too many
times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(I have since realized that if this kind of relational and
practical support isn’t a personal value of the pastors in the church, you aren’t
likely to find it consistently functioning through the rest of people there, or
in the church structure. It has to be
built in by the leaders as an intentional value.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I felt like I had to profusely apologize for every
time I asked a person not related to me for even the smallest bit of help,
whether it was kid related, car related, or home maintenance related. I would offer to pay people, and then when
they would sometimes take it, I would realize that indeed, they didn’t feel any
obligation to me as a friend or a sister in Christ or a fellow church member or whatever, and I was
expected to stand on my own two feet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And so I did, though it cost me a great deal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The struggle was real.
But now, a big part of that was over.
The reason I was crying was that I suddenly realized with relief that I had made it to a
new stage of life, and had actually been experiencing and enjoying it for while without realizing I had arrived.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The random acts of kindness from scattered individuals and friends at
inconsistent times had gotten me through.
God in His goodness made sure I never went under the choppy waves of life
and single parenthood. I never got a
cruise ship to rescue me, but there was always a raft or a life preserver – or
I was given the strength to dog paddle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(Lots of dog-paddling.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And now. Now my kids
are 15, 17, and 18. The need for child
care and transportation help is totally past. Two are graduated from high
school. The oldest two drive and I own two vehicles. They are all supportive and helpful when I
need it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The tears my son asked about were those of a mama had been paddling her little raft through
the storm for years, and suddenly realized the waves had subsided and
she had come into port.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigM-4JT8xVtjNxbB5effQX5yb8iuHZDGMb5XORmA9tBlt0IxywfWr6Xv1M9V7kqlBfpGIYpGvdpXZzhAXGU62j2wsvvI-oUC7ERIDWX278ar1zBbtKnVWS8t7Bn1X8PI47Vh2kzoBDPb0/s1600/bamboo-raft-landscape-artist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigM-4JT8xVtjNxbB5effQX5yb8iuHZDGMb5XORmA9tBlt0IxywfWr6Xv1M9V7kqlBfpGIYpGvdpXZzhAXGU62j2wsvvI-oUC7ERIDWX278ar1zBbtKnVWS8t7Bn1X8PI47Vh2kzoBDPb0/s320/bamboo-raft-landscape-artist.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This was a bit hard to put in words for my 15 year old. But I tried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He was silent a minute and then said, “Wow, okay. That’s deep.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yeah, it was. Thank
God He brought us through the deep waters, and used those willing to be used.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Just want to shout out to those of you still in the choppy
water of single parenting or isolated parenting with littles. Hang in there. God is good.
You will make it. Keep reaching out.
Some people will be there for you when others aren’t. Forgive those who aren’t- it may seem like
they are selfish (and maybe they are) or maybe they are just oblivious, or have
their own private crisis you are unaware of.
And move on. Do your best alone when you have to. Keep looking for your
tribe. If one person or one group of people lets you down, I promise, ask God and He will
make it up to you, somehow, even if it is giving you the strength to dog paddle
for a little while until you get to the next raft of support.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It does eventually get easier. And on that note,</span><span style="font-size: large;"> another BIG shout out to the good people who were/are there
for me- you know who you are. I love you deeply and this blog is not in any way meant to minimize the help you gave and still give.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Beyond this, I have been interested to gradually realize that
I am not the only one to experience the isolation and challenge of raising kids
without a family, a tribe, or a village.
(I<a href="http://revolutionfromhome.com/2016/04/absence-village-mothers-struggle/" target="_blank">n the Absence of a Village, Mothers Suffer Most.</a>) It is an American phenomenon,
affecting all demographics, and both two parent and one parent families. Most
of us don’t live near extended families, don’t live in small close knit
communities, and don’t interact much with our actual neighbors. Most of us pay through the nose for decent
childcare from people not related to us. Most churches don’t address or provide
for this need for community and practical support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Although I survived with sporadic support, and lived to tell
about it, I am aware of how desperate it can get in the trenches. I don’t have
any mind-blowing solutions except that as best we can in our fragmented culture
we need to try to lend one another a hand.
Even if you can’t be someone’s everything long term, you can probably
offer a ride or two, or take someone’s kids to the park once a month, or bring
a sick family a meal or help someone move, or offer to help a single mom friend with car maintenance. Whatever your thing is, someone would probably very much appreciate it. If you notice another family going to all the same events you do, offer
to car-pool or ride share. Moms with
littles are desperate for household help they probably can’t afford- consider sending
your tween or young teenage girls to be helpers for a day. Or how about calling another mother with small
children for a “mom date” at Chick-Fil-A while your kids all play? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Because even a little bit of help can be someone’s life
preserver or raft when they are tired of dog-paddling. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It made all the difference in the world to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-25799517299085477082016-04-29T21:29:00.000-05:002016-04-29T22:11:59.337-05:00A Good Mom<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Mother’s Day has been a difficult day for me for many
years. That’s why I’m especially pleased
to redeem it this year… with a story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The fourth book in the Fiction Lover’s Devotional series
includes one short story by yours truly called, “A Good Mom”. Of all the
stories I’ve published in this series, this one is especially close to my
heart. Writing from the point of view of
a single mother, I was able to pour in some of the emotion of my own
experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4K6vP_TJt-MIStU2IeoIaYX4HE_5ZspRrqGbXAd2wOSFsyDQ0keZ6W1GHpJsPNM2ikoL2C5RluEnYGdwDlPP9V20BdXH0YzFc4nbGVfAXl_i4KMMhvavLQpbi0jf89JCI_mnKot4R9nk/s1600/IMG_0002%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4K6vP_TJt-MIStU2IeoIaYX4HE_5ZspRrqGbXAd2wOSFsyDQ0keZ6W1GHpJsPNM2ikoL2C5RluEnYGdwDlPP9V20BdXH0YzFc4nbGVfAXl_i4KMMhvavLQpbi0jf89JCI_mnKot4R9nk/s400/IMG_0002%255B1%255D.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">When you are a single mom, you often find yourself in
awkward situations. Like suggesting a
family your kids made friends with come over to dinner sometime,
and getting a laugh from the wife as if you made a joke and the comment, “But who
would my husband have to talk to?” Or
meeting new people at a homeschool social event and getting along great until
the question comes up, “<a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2010/11/changing-seeds.html">What does your husband do?”</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The thing is, I’m pretty contented being a single mom
until these weird moments pop up. Like,
I practically forget I’m different, because single parenthood has become my
normal. My comfortable normal, in fact, like a comfy sweater that I wear every
day and forget that it has unusual patchwork colors until someone stares or comments. My kids and I have good relationships,
finances are stable, and I have a solid circle of friends who know my
back-story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And actually, I’m not so different. When I get into heart to heart talks with
other mothers, whether they are married, divorced and remarried, or single, if
I get past their facades, I often find someone who shares my values and
feelings. I find that we all worry
about our kids, and we all want what is best for them. I find we all think we fall short. I find we all get tired. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And most of all, we all love our kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’d like to think that what we have in common is much
greater than our differences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">When I see other mothers, I don’t think of them as different
from me, I think of them as the same.
When I am with mothers in labor as their midwife, I remember my
labors. When I see other mothers struggling
to get their crying children into their car seats, I remember that struggle all
too well. When I see moms cheering for
their kids, or hugging their kids, or praying for their kids- I identify. I do all those things too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And so, here is my request to the mothers who are married-
don’t see single mothers as different.
They are no less than you. They
are doing their best, just like you are.
They love their children. And they are broken, just like you are. Their brokenness just shows in a more visible way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">To the other single moms this Mother’s Day, I want to tell
you something too. You are no less able
to parent your children than someone who is married. You have everything you need inside of
you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And God is for you. </span><span style="font-size: large;">You are a good mom.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And by God’s grace and with His help, so am I.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You can read my story and many others in 21 Days of Joy - now available from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/21-Days-Joy-Celebrate-Devotional/dp/1424552273/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461982879&sr=8-1&keywords=21+days+of+joy">Amazon.com</a> and <a href="http://www.christianbook.com/days-joy-stories-that-celebrate-mom/9781424552276/pd/552276?event=ESRCG">Christianbook.com</a></span></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-24015250873524817532016-04-24T18:21:00.001-05:002016-04-25T15:56:25.066-05:00Relationship Status with Church: It's complicated<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiphKF0OD9b-1u8UgRUohALJHUyMuTWdgPzEX5hG_37OiwQXVv3vHf5bJR9EOW-xQNEMT9NP68Vo0NL1zBB6qfvUVVUvLikGAPaUI6Uus70a_dQxrnyRYR3-0dRjHr99MuWppg87xA2DSM/s1600/ThinkstockPhotos-77872775.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiphKF0OD9b-1u8UgRUohALJHUyMuTWdgPzEX5hG_37OiwQXVv3vHf5bJR9EOW-xQNEMT9NP68Vo0NL1zBB6qfvUVVUvLikGAPaUI6Uus70a_dQxrnyRYR3-0dRjHr99MuWppg87xA2DSM/s400/ThinkstockPhotos-77872775.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last weekend I had a friend spend the weekend with me. She mentioned she wasn’t sure about Sunday
morning plans because she had read my last blog, <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2016/02/valentines-day-lies-in-church.html">Valentine's Day Lies in Church</a> and didn’t know where I "stood with church" at the moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Another cue that I need to do some clarifying came a couple
of weeks ago when I was dropping my kids off at our homeschool co-op play
practice, giving me a rare opportunity to interact with some of the other
mothers I don’t see very often. One gal
I hadn’t seen in a while hugged me, and then we sat and chatted while our kids
figured out where to stand on the stage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">“I just love seeing everything you post on Facebook. Except the stuff about church, that just
breaks my heart.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, yeah, need to clarify. Here’s the bottom line (as of today). Church is hard. I still go.
I’m a Christian (trying). It’s
what I (mostly) do. I have yet to ditch
church attendance for any length of time since I was carried in as a baby. Probably has mostly to do with my long history/habit
of being and doing everything in church that one possibly can do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As a brief clarification, Biblically and theologically the Church
(with a capital C) is people, not a building.
Biblically, church is supposed to be Jesus followers, doing
life together, and showing and telling everyone else around them the good news
of Jesus. But they/we don’t do that very
well. That simple concept of
church is as messed up as anything else is in our messed up broken world. And so, as part of the brokenness, when most
people speak of “going to church” (with a small c) they are referring to a
specific group or sub-division of Christians that meet in a building or place,
under the signboard of a denomination or name.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As far as my involvement with the Church, I’ve pretty much
done it all- from full time ministry/missions overseas for six continuous
years where I did everything from teaching in indigenous Bible schools, to
evangelizing unreached areas, to smuggling Bibles to the underground church, to
discipling new believers to helping plant churches, to preaching on Sunday, to
organizing conferences, to participating in giant crusades, to writing
newsletters, to itinerating and fund raising – and, I must not forget to mention,
that I was pregnant and delivering and raising my kids during this time. This isn’t counting various stateside church roles
I’ve filled both before and since then: home group leader, lead children’s
church teacher, VBS volunteer, mission director, altar
prayer team member, women’s conference speaker, and church janitor. I’ve done
everything from preaching behind the pulpit to vacuuming under it. And I’m really familiar with <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html">church toilets</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">(You could definitely say I know all about the Church
excrement, both literal and figurative kinds.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As a child and a teenager raised in Church, I was taught to
expect that the greatest attacks on my faith and the hardest things that would
come my way in life would come from “the world”- the secular community outside
of the church. However, this was not where
any of my hardest trials of life actually came from. The greatest temptation to “quit”
my faith did not come from the evil government, from the secular community, or
from non-Christians from any sector. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My greatest trials and personal attacks have all very much come from within and from the place that was supposed to be safe and where I was supposed to find support. The church.
Christians. People who say they follow
Jesus. And especially the leaders of
this group of folks, and those in ministry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While I have found and kept many good and loyal friends
within the Church who have stood by me through thick and thin (including pastors), I have found
that the Church as a group doesn’t handle certain things very well, nor do many
of its individual members. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Church doesn’t handle marriage problems between its
members well. Church leaders are not
trained to know how to discern the difference between a couple needing counselling,
and an abusive or unsafe situation, nor what to do about it when they do figure
it out. The Church doesn’t know what to
do when its leaders start sinning or getting out of line. The Church often doesn’t know what to do with
singles, either before marriage or after a divorce. The Church clings desperately to rules and
legalism, no matter how much they profess grace and freedom in Christ, and
often default to applying these arbitrarily to anyone and everyone. The Church gets really hung up on external
appearances and behavior and status and has trouble valuing everyone equally. The Church has big issues with both race and
gender. The Church does not understand grief nor is it comfortable with brokenness, messy circumstances, pain or depression- therefore it often minimizes, rejects or ignores its members who have these things. The Church is more comfortable with a “top down”
business model of organization than servant leadership and relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And sadly, the Church is not exempt from corruption. Some
people are attracted to church leadership and Christian ministry precisely because they have narcissism
and control issues, and the church is a good place to act those out. In other
situations when sincere church leaders gain status and influence and fame, they
are just as likely to be corrupted by them as their secular counterparts in business,
entertainment and politics.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And, as a Jesus-follower who has drunk of many bitter waters
of life, I found my church tribe as a whole hasn’t always done so well by
me. In some cases they flat out
abandoned me and failed me. In other
cases they were just at a loss. In other
cases I got in the way of their carefully planned agendas. In a few situations, they totally <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2012/10/screwed.html">screwed me</a>, and, I have also been <a href="http://roxanneswildworld.blogspot.com/2013/05/burned.html">burned</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But at other times, at <i>so many</i> other times, the Church has
been my place of comfort. It is where I have
gone- and still go- to find strength to face the coming week. It is where I go to worship corporately. It is where I go to take communion. It is where I go to hear the Word of God
taught and proclaimed publicly. It is where I go because I have freedom of
religion and I can, at a time when <a href="https://www.opendoorsusa.org/christian-persecution/">many Christians in other countries do not have that privilege</a></span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it is where I take my kids to do all these things
too. You see, it isn’t just about me and
how I struggle with feeling jaded about church as I approach half a century of
life on the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Escape-Twisted-Planet-Harold-Myra/dp/0849929490">twisted planet</a>. It is about my teenagers who are only at the
beginning of their journey. There have
been times I “got nothing” out of a church service and one of my kids might say,
“That was the best sermon I ever heard.”
And I would think, okay, that’s why I went today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because, I <i>am</i> the
church, my kids<i> are</i> the church, and in participating and attending, we are also a part of making it better.
My blogging about my negative experiences and frustrations with church
are nothing more than a chapter in my own journey of short-comings and pain,
and how sometimes that intersected with the short-comings of the body of Christ
as a whole. It is not a deserter’s
diatribe, nor the railings of a bitter backslider. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is me telling the truth about how we - us- the church- need
to change. It is me saying, hey, how about we stop hurting broken people, because that is actually most of us. It is me saying, how about we admit most of the people here are struggling with everything everyone else in the world struggles with, and start helping them instead of ignoring it. It is me saying, how about we be less about programs and doctrines and politics and more about support and love and honesty and relationships? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So as we say on Facebook, yes, I’m "in a relationship" with a
local church. Yes, I “attend” a
specific sub-group of the body of Christ.
No, I am not always happy with things that are said and done there- sometimes they are hurtful and damaging to me and many others. And so, yes, I will speak up, for how else
will there be change? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And is it only the church I attend or the church at large that needs to change? Of course not.
And that’s another reason I keep going. I know I need to be there for me,
for my own spiritual growth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yes. It’s
complicated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But most relationships are- at least, ones worth having.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-31464449792020403512016-02-15T00:04:00.001-06:002016-04-24T19:16:00.325-05:00Valentine's Day Lies in Church<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2eT2ujMyPa-MQ3zu9dz-1l5Db-LPad63LfIFEmzu1bjfnZwCIqUKA_0jlcMPQtcDQc6kWqQikvVIPy0-kiuHL2bbFse5D_XrYq7-wiyr6ZV1UgLFz9he53Mm0RBjGBFzxc24rqJYUUs/s1600/18k19fxft5f04jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2eT2ujMyPa-MQ3zu9dz-1l5Db-LPad63LfIFEmzu1bjfnZwCIqUKA_0jlcMPQtcDQc6kWqQikvVIPy0-kiuHL2bbFse5D_XrYq7-wiyr6ZV1UgLFz9he53Mm0RBjGBFzxc24rqJYUUs/s320/18k19fxft5f04jpg.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today I was lied to in church. By the man behind the pulpit. On Valentine’s
Day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I really didn’t want to go to church today at all. I woke up at three AM with a horrible stuffy
nose and after spending over two hours trying to get relief from everything from
rubbing tiger balm on my chest, to sticking lavender oil up my nose with a
Q-tip, to taking allergy medicine, to finally resorting to the magic cold
medicine purchased in India, I finally fell asleep propped up on tons of
pillows. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Getting up on Sunday morning after
all that wasn’t easy. Making breakfast
for my family wasn’t easy. Getting my
Valentine’s Day mood on for my teens wasn’t easy. And following through on the regular plans to
go to church sure wasn’t easy. But hey,
I’m trying.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It did occur to me – briefly- that Valentine’s Day coinciding
with church might be a problem. But I pushed that thought away, get thee behind
me Satan. I shouldn’t be over sensitive
to Valentine’s Day anyway. I’m so over
my abusive marriage and excruciating divorce. It couldn’t be the Holy Spirit
trying to tell me to stay home in my robe and drink coffee, no way, that has to
be the devil. Church is where I go to
get healed from my past and move forward and Lord knows I need to do that, and I’m sure there will be an encouraging sermon, so go I shall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And so I went. And
all the drugs kicked in and my worship time was rather hazy. I think I was sitting down for most of
it. I think Jesus and I had a
conversation in there somewhere. We were
good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then I find out that we are not going to have a message from
the senior pastor, but rather hear from an apostolic elder who has been
teaching in the XO marriage conference the church has been having for the past
two days, and this is a continuation. Yep. Sunday morning, Valentine’s Day, and the
sermon is coming straight from Ephesians 5.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Shoot. Me. Now. Okay I need to hold it together for the
teens. I don’t need them to pick up my
issues about marriage. They need to hear
good solid Bible teaching on marriage. I need to pretend I’m cool with this so
they can do better in life than I did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then I get this text on my phone from teenager #2: “Ahem, this is single awareness day. He needs
to get it right.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I text back (because I have to try to be the adult) “Good
actually for him to preach this. For the
peeps that didn’t come to the marriage conference.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But she is too quick for me and shoots back another text: “Too
bad it’s totally irrelevant to 97% of the church.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I sit up straight and look down the row at her, and give her the eye,
the mama look that says more clearly than words, “Young lady that is not true
and besides you need to stop texting.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She texts back: “Yes, 100% true and you know it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sigh. I’m beaten and
I know it. But still maybe something
good will come of this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But nothing good did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">First of all there was not one disclaimer of any kind that a
sermon entitled “God’s Perfect Plan for Marriage” would not apply to everyone
listening whether they were married or not.
On the contrary, he actually said it was for everyone whether they were
married or single. No clarifications or exceptions mentioned. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And this is how he started, stating the three things he wanted to make
sure all the thousands of people in all the campuses and online listening heard
– including all the single people, separated because of addiction or abuse people, divorced people, children
of divorced people, widows and widowers, as well as actual married people- had straight right off
the bat:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;"> 1. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">God has a perfect plan for marriage</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;"> 2. </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">You have a 100% chance of success in marriage.
(This was repeated many times).</span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> 3. The reason marriage is failing in our society is
because we have rejected the Word of God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The only allusion to divorce was (word for word quote), “If
you failed in marriage, if this is maybe your second or third marriage, I hope this
is your last marriage, but I want you to know you have a 100% chance of success
in marriage. God made you for marriage.”
No mention of special circumstances of abuse or addiction requiring
separation or divorce. No mentioning
that someone might have <i>failed you</i> in
a marriage even though you did your part. No mention of currently divorced people or single
parents existing in the world at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">No mention that some people are called to be single and that
is a good thing. In fact, quite the opposite, we were told it wasn’t good that
man should be alone and statistics showed married men lived longer… because
their wives make them eat salad and vitamins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">About this time I get one more text from my irreverent child:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCY2F_gp8bvH0eJcbTYzNKhEr_sHvR75w6w-IDEJrOdKJ3e3PI4bW1TFkA87Ea5bf0EcezqI_FfSqaVM963-xcPwzfwGUvVb0fxA3IZx4Jx-MkNTXuCmtkHZ3KY3wejVJ77hwfk5BMDV0/s1600/IMG_5882.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCY2F_gp8bvH0eJcbTYzNKhEr_sHvR75w6w-IDEJrOdKJ3e3PI4bW1TFkA87Ea5bf0EcezqI_FfSqaVM963-xcPwzfwGUvVb0fxA3IZx4Jx-MkNTXuCmtkHZ3KY3wejVJ77hwfk5BMDV0/s320/IMG_5882.jpg" width="180" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Over and over again we were told God’s word has a 100% success
rate for marriages. There was not one
clarification or exception given. We
were told that if we didn’t like Ephesians 5 it was because of our flesh
reacting. “There is no plan B because
this is God’s perfect plan. This works for everyone that does it, and it’s not
complicated and it’s not hard.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Um, excuse me? Anyone
who has ever been married or who is currently married out there agree that marriage isn’t
hard? No? I didn’t think so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But according to this speaker the take away comes down to: if you
are divorced you didn’t obey the Bible.
If you are a woman it means you didn’t submit and respect your husband. If you are a man you didn’t nurture and
cherish your wife as your own body enough, or lay down your life enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He read Ephesians chapter 5.
And then he said, “The roles in Ephesians 5 make us attractive to our
spouse and cause them to open their hearts to us. They will not open their
hearts to you until you do what this says right here. If you do these things it
is incredible the change it makes in a marriage.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And I lost it, right there in church and the tears came. With that one statement this man reopened the
wound caused by that evil lie that had been repeated to me over and over again,
from the pulpit, from marriage books, from marriage counselors and from my
abuser. If I would submit and have a
gentle quiet spirit my husband would find me attractive and he would treat me
well and love me. Based on this premise,
the obvious reason he didn’t love me and stay faithful to me was because I hadn’t
honored him, respected him, and submitted to him properly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I really thought I had completely replaced that lie with the
actual Biblical truth that God gives us all free will and nothing I do can make
anyone else do anything. But this apostolic
elder found that old wound under my well healed skin and stabbed it open
again, right there in church in front of my kids and everything. He rubbed in a
little I Peter 3:2 salt in it just for good measure with this personal application
(his exact quote): “<u>You can change your husband</u> without a word as he
observes your chaste and respectful behavior.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He even repeated it, just to be sure we all got it: “You are
your husband’s equal in every way, but <u>without a word you can change him</u>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We were told to be gentle in person but violent in
prayer. Hmm, I wonder if praying three
copies of “Power of a Praying Wife” to pieces counts for that. Apparently not. I must not have prayed enough,
because the Word of God has a 100% success rate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m thinking about the message my kids are getting, sitting
there next to me. The Word of God has a
100% success rate, but their parents are divorced. That equals, wish Mom had just respected Dad and
prayed more and we wouldn’t be in this mess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The speaker did say he believed that men and women were
equal, more than once. But then he
proceeded to unsay that by almost every example he gave. I was shocked to hear things so outdated that I
have no idea how this person is preaching them in 2016 in the fourth largest
church in America. The speaker actually
recounted the eight cow wife story, made famous by everyone in the 1980s from
Readers Digest to Bill Gothard- after giving the disclaimer- “I don’t know if this is true or not.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We were also told at one point how women react positively
to men’s sweat. Not as in sexual
pheromones, but as in, men sweating as they perform housework. He described a test done at the University of Pennsylvania
where men’s sweat was put on women’s upper lip and found that under the
influence of male sweat women “relax, get happy and feel romantic.” “So men, (the speaker declared) you are a
clean house away from the night of your dreams.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I tried desperately not to let my mind go certain places and
began to wonder if I was in church or listening to a 50 Shades of Gray promo or in the Twilight Zone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But hey, I do wish I had known all those years that all I needed
to do is submit and all my husband needed to do was clean the house to fix
those deep issues of dysfunction, abuse, addiction, unfaithfulness, and living lies. Come to
think of it, I did submit, and he actually did clean the house regularly... and that didn’t fix things. At all. It actually made them worse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">FYI and totally TMI, his sweat did NOT turn me on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then there was this little gem: “If we could reach our
potential on our own God wouldn’t have created marriage.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Excuse me? We reach
our full potential in MARRIAGE? Not
through Jesus Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit? Seriously? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">That really sucks for singles, since I guess they will never reach their full potential.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes apparently he really meant that. We
were told the role of every husband is to be God’s partner to bring his wife to
her full potential. He has stewardship
over her, like a piece of land. One day
every man will stand before God and give account for the most precious thing
God gave him, his wife. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Um, I’m no theologian but I’m pretty sure we all stand
before God individually and give account for our individual lives. I actually think that according to the
teachings of Jesus, He is the vine and His Father is the husbandman, or the “farmer”
and I am to abide in Him for growth. (John 15) Jesus is the only one who is my
high priest or who stands before God for me. (I Timothy 2:5) Under the new
covenant I can’t use my husband (or now my ex) as an excuse for anything I did
or didn’t do in this life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And here’s where we got the <a href="http://www.biblehelp.org/cow.htm">eight cow wife story</a>. If there was any way to plant a
seed of doubt in the minds of his audience that a preacher really doesn’t
believe what he said earlier about men and women being equal it’s by telling a
story about a man buying a wife with cows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Oh and now comes the one tiny part of his message directed to
the single women, “Don’t sell yourself short to any man who is looking for a
discount wife. You are worth eight cows.
Oh just kidding, you are worth a lot more than that… haha.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, ladies and gentlemen this is exactly why I wanted to
raise my half Indian daughters in America instead of elsewhere- so someday when
they were 17 and 18 they could sit in an American mega church in 2016 and be
told they were worth 8 cows. Thank you
for that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then he mentions Proverbs 31 and concludes that the wife
gets all the credit for her husband being an elder because her respect created
an atmosphere that allowed her husband to excel. “Her behavior produced an elder
in the city.” Oh joy. Now promotion – or lack thereof – can be attributed
to how much respect a husband is getting or not getting at home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Pressure much? And isn’t
that a dis on both husband and wife?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And then he talked about the merit of cheerleaders in men’s
sports. Yes, he actually went
there. And said the role of wives is to
be cheerleaders and husband will be inspired to live up to his full potential.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Cheerleaders and eight cow wives.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And finally, the icing on the cake. Our greatest sins in marriage: Women are too independent
and men are too apathetic. Uh oh. Shades
of Jezebel and Ahab stuff for sure. I’m
having flashbacks to cultish deliverance sessions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“This has a 100% success rate, it isn’t complicated it just
takes a respect for the Word of God and a commitment to do what it says.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So… if your marriage failed you didn’t respect the Word of
God?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">His prayer at closing: For the single people- for God to
bring them a spouse. For marriages- open
our eyes to the reality and brilliance of your Word, and the perfect plan that
will work for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Happy Valentine’s Day to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m sorry, my friends, I may be a divorcee without a degree and
this man may be an apostolic elder who heads a marriage ministry and has a TV
show on marriage and has written books on marriage- but I’m calling out this sermon
today as inappropriate application of scripture: overly simplistic, misleading,
hurtful and damaging. (Not to mention
totally insensitive timing.) This is legalism, pure and simple, for it puts all
the responsibility for a marriage on what one person can do, and how well they can
do it. This kind of message leads to ignorance and minimizing of deeper problems of addiction and abuse among Christians, which actually makes them worse.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Furthermore this kind of
simplistic “marriage teaching” in the Church hurts both men and women. Why? It condemns them and dismisses all their real life and very complex personal and marriage issues that cannot be "fixed" by simply submitting or nurturing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">These complex issues can include family of origin dysfunction,
spouses coming from different backgrounds, a history of physical or emotional
abuse, sexual trauma or dysfunction, infertility, the death of a child, PTSD, sexual and substance addictions,
depression, codependency, chronic pain, and verbal, emotional or physical abuse,
just to name a few real life situations that are affecting people and their marriages every day.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And when none of these problems are acknowledged in church, everyone who is experiencing them feels shamed and isolated. They wonder if they are only one who struggles among this church full of seemingly normal people. This leads to people not being able to be honest about their problems, to faking it to look like their marriage is fine when it isn't. When you are told from the pulpit that all you have to do is follow Ephesians 5 and every problem in your marriage will be fixed, it doesn't make you feel safe to open up when that doesn't happen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And if that isn’t what the speaker meant to convey, he
should have stated that. Because hundreds
of both men and women in all these situations were sitting in church listening
to that sermon today, on Valentine’s Day, and feeling condemned, depressed, beat
up and hopeless because they’ve tried, and it wasn’t easy and didn’t work
perfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It rarely does.
Because the truth is, marriage isn’t simple. It’s hard.
Because life itself isn’t simple.
It’s hard. Please pastors, don’t
lie to us like that in church. And don’t
tell us our marriages have 100% chance of success if we follow the Christian formula
(any more than you should tell us if we raise their kids a certain way they are
guaranteed not to rebel- after all, the Bible says, “Train up a child in the
way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it- 100% guarantee.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Very little is 100% in this life – apart from God’s
unfailing love for us- and that’s 100% because that depends 100% on God and 0%
on people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Tell people instead that life is hard, marriage is hard, singleness
is hard, being divorced is hard… but no matter which hard you have, God’s love
is powerful to carry us through, 365 days of the year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe, just maybe, not on Valentine’s Day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-80782516940351760932015-09-04T08:48:00.003-05:002015-09-05T19:45:40.501-05:00Unfair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrd9axiXnNTwFlGiW3nJ55DjUCk82yckhvrLptP4dp1pkDitvn5El2RJgAMvhLxFx9BMX6ssbkz2iVznD_Ii0oOQdIPUwhVOI8Ay89rlSTBv4pWbZ3zSBN0An2FEPivqd9MtT9IZqqvk/s1600/000_Par8257531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrd9axiXnNTwFlGiW3nJ55DjUCk82yckhvrLptP4dp1pkDitvn5El2RJgAMvhLxFx9BMX6ssbkz2iVznD_Ii0oOQdIPUwhVOI8Ay89rlSTBv4pWbZ3zSBN0An2FEPivqd9MtT9IZqqvk/s320/000_Par8257531.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I was listening to the news as I was driving home
from work. Sitting in my air-conditioned
car, ambulating myself home on my own timetable, I heard the report of Syrian refugees
who had been stopped in a train station in Hungary. Attempting to get to Germany by train, the
issues of borders and politics and governments had stopped them in a station. To avoid being forced into a refugee camp
they had refused to get off the train.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And so they were still in the train. All day in the
heat. And then into the night. Men, women and children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">As I pulled into a gas station and turned off the key and
the news, I was struck at the intense contrast of where I was at that exact
moment, and where they were. I got out
of my own car. Swiped my debit
card. Filled up the tank of my personal
car with fuel. Got back in, turned on
the key, drove to my home. A nice house
in the country of my birth, in a safe neighborhood where I live as citizen in
freedom and security without fear. My
children are waiting for me there. They
are watching TV. We sit on comfortable
couches, eat dinner, use computers, talk, and go to bed in our comfortable beds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This is utterly unfair.
It is unfair that I should have a home, and they should not. It is unfair I should have freedom to go
anywhere I want, and they do not. That I
can offer my children security, education and a future, and they cannot. I did not do anything to deserve to be born
in America any more than they did anything to deserve to be born in Syria.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I lay in bed, thinking about them. What can I do to reconcile this sense of
unfair contrast? I care. I pray.
I fall asleep. I wake up this
morning and wonder. Are they still on
the train? I roll over on my Egyptian cotton
sheets covering my pillow top mattress and reach for my iPhone to check the
news. They are, as far as I can tell. I feel slightly too hot. I go turn down the air conditioning, use my
private bathroom, and return to my comfortable bed for a few more minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I wonder if someday I will be in a disaster or a crisis like
that and someone will be reading about me on the news. What would I want from someone on the other
side of the world completely unable to help? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I would want them to know. I
would want them to care. I would want
them to pray.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I do all those things.
And I go back to sleep.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>(I also wake up, do my research, and find that I can donate online to the refugee crisis through the reputable Samaritan's Purse.)</i></span></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-22859975168355481192015-08-23T12:41:00.000-05:002015-08-27T23:02:38.843-05:00Dear Anna Duggar, I've been there. Here's what I learned.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>In the recent aftermath of former 19 Kids and Counting reality TV star Josh Duggar's infidelity </i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i>to his wife becoming public, I write this letter to his wife, Anna. </i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsmNsFEmIkLopF5gcAsyptxXeeorhyphenhyphenJeppwX_wcjLwe18LnA3hkam2P5ifMt6snF6UKwu7SwyYQUFeIMODGRAHIAGUinsMYV0Xe2Mf-UzUkoSMc8cXjn3UqNsMdNgTDJeLAiPosTsEtso/s1600/anna+dugger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsmNsFEmIkLopF5gcAsyptxXeeorhyphenhyphenJeppwX_wcjLwe18LnA3hkam2P5ifMt6snF6UKwu7SwyYQUFeIMODGRAHIAGUinsMYV0Xe2Mf-UzUkoSMc8cXjn3UqNsMdNgTDJeLAiPosTsEtso/s320/anna+dugger.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Anna,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Oh girl. My heart
goes out to you. I know where you are
right now. I was there fourteen years
ago. Pretty much exactly. The number of years married, the very young
children, the Christian husband in ministry who was caught living a double
life- one in public as a Christian husband, father and leader, and the
other in private with a pornography addiction and multiple affairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest condolences.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The only difference is, you are a household name and I wasn’t,
and the internet has made your situation much more public than mine ever
was. You probably hate that right now,
and just wish the ground would open up and swallow you, and you could deal with
it all privately. It may be hard to
believe, but it’s actually better this way.
Addicts struggle with serious denial and reality issues and tend to
re-write their story as they go along. Your husband has already been caught doing
this, editing his confession online more than once. No matter what reason he gave you for
changing his statement, this is part of the denial and self-scripting all addicts
do. But the internet is unforgiving and won’t let Josh do this, which is the best thing that could ever happen to him (although it really sucks for you and the kids).
It is his best chance of really repenting someday- the fact that he will
never get to pretend his sin didn’t happen, or wasn’t “as bad as people said it
was.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You see, right now he is just sorry he got caught. Otherwise he would have told you the truth
before he was exposed. But that sorry
can lead to real repentance eventually.
Don’t be confused, it hasn’t happened yet. I know he told you he has. He may even think he has. He may currently be acting VERY repentant and very loving. But only time will tell if that is real and permanent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I know also, as many people may not, that it isn’t like you
had a good marriage or a decent marriage or even a normal struggling marriage
and then, boom, this came out of the blue one day. No.
Sexual addicts have lots of destructive behaviors in their
“normal life” that wears away at their spouses and children. Sex addicts are angry people. You’ve wondered why. You’ve tried really hard. You’ve questioned what is wrong. And all this coming out about his sexual
addiction is the answer to the questions you’ve been asking and the prayers you’ve
been praying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You aren’t just hurting <i>now</i>. You’ve been hurting, badly for a long, long
time. And you haven’t been able to really
talk about it or get help. I know. I’m so sorry.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It isn’t your fault.
Your husband was a sexual addict when he married you. This was 100% his sin, his choice. He is
responsible for his sinful behavior, before and after his marriage. Yes, I know you aren’t perfect and you’ve also
sinned and made lots of mistakes. But
you aren’t the dysfunctional addict in your marriage. You aren’t the one who was living a lie. You aren’t the one who broke your marriage
vows of sexual exclusivity. You aren’t
the one who smashed your marriage covenant. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Let me repeat. What
Josh did isn’t your fault AT ALL. There is nothing you could have done that
would have kept him from cheating on you, I promise. You see, it’s not about sex. It’s
an ADDICTION more deadly than if he was hooked on heroin, and addicts never
have enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I hope this gets to you somehow. I want to share with you everything it took
me years and years alone to find out the hard way. If any of it can be any help, take it. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">As soon
as you possibly can, get someplace, out of town, away by yourself, with your
children but not with your husband or with your parents. No, really.
You need to get away where you can hear from God and not from all the
voices around you. You aren’t leaving him.
You are taking time to pray. It
may just be a couple of days, or it may be longer. You may need to do this more
than once. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for needing
this. If Josh is truly on the track to
repentance, he won’t have a problem with it. If he does, it shows he isn’t even
close. Find a hotel, a B&B,
something. Take someone along to watch
the kids if you can. The sooner the
better. I know he will say you need to pray together and heal together. That's for later. Do it alone first. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">And then you need to cry. And let yourself get angry. It is normal to be angry when you have been
betrayed. That kind of anger isn’t a sin. Even God had that kind of anger when Israel
was unfaithful to him. God gets angry at
sin. It is a righteous anger. You don’t need to feel guilty for feeling righteously
angry about the sin your husband has committed against you and against
God. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Journal your feelings. Be honest, let it all out. And keep that journal private.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"> Pray.
Like never before you are going to need to strengthen your own
relationship with Jesus. You know you can
trust Him to give you good advice. But
you need to think of yourself in a different way now- not as part of your parent’s
family, not as part of your husband’s family.
Just you as an individual directly talking to Jesus and getting
direction in a way you never have before for you and for your children. You must do this. Take responsibility to hear from God directly
for you and your family. You are the
moral head of the household now.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Start reading and learning about sexual addiction. Online and in books. Pray for God to lead you to the right sources,
the information you need in particular.
Go to Amazon and type in “wives of sexual addicts,” and “sexual addiction.”
Google “resources for wives of sexual addicts.” There are so many more good websites, articles
and books than there were when I went looking- because this problem is becoming
bigger and bigger and people are dealing with it more openly. You aren’t alone
Anna, many other Christian women and couples have been down this path, and they
have wisdom to give you. The first one I
read when I was reeling from the pain was “Love Must be Tough” by James
Dobson. It’s not about sexual addiction
specifically, but there are some things in there you need to know. The sexual addiction book I read that helped
me understand what my husband was struggling with was “An Affair of the Mind”
by Laurie Hall. More recently written: “Your Sexually Addicted
Spouse: How Partners can Cope and Heal” by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. Also,
get the book and the accompanying workbook, “The Healing Choice: How to Move
Beyond Betrayal” by Brenda Stoeker and start working through it. The other one you may want to get is
“Restoring the Fallen- A Team approach to Caring, Confronting and Reconciling”
by Earl and Sandy Wilson. And finally, please
be sure to read “Boundaries in Marriage.”
You may find things you don’t agree with in all these books. That’s okay. I did too. But I also found nuggets of information that
the Holy Spirit used in all of them as well when I was desperately trying to
understand what had happened to me and what I needed to do next. Order them all. Jump around, pick and choose, ask God to help
you discern what applies to you and to Josh. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Anna, I know these aren’t the kinds of
books on your shelf. I know you may believe that they are too worldly, or not Biblical. I believed that too. Here’s the thing. None of the books on your shelf cover your
situation. Not much in your world prepared you to handle the awful situation,
because you thought it would never happen to you. I didn’t either. It wasn’t supposed to happen
to girls like us who did things right- who homeschooled, stayed pure, saved
ourselves for marriage, didn’t date, and married a Christian. But it has.
So now you are going to have to go beyond your world, and what you have
learned up until now about marriage and relationships to cope with this
terrible thing. I know that’s scary, to
look for answers in new places, and it feels wrong. And people may even tell you it’s wrong. But here’s the deal- it was your husband who
did wrong, and now you are trying to cope with it. Looking for resources to help you cope and
survive and heal is not wrong. </span><span style="font-size: large;">A word of caution. In an addiction situation, where your husband
has lied about multiple affairs and pornography, pretty much everything the
regular Christian marriage books tell you won’t work. They only work when you have two people on
the same page. Josh is in a completely different
book now. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Okay, this is going to be hard.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I know you aren’t going to want to face this,
or do this.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">But, you have to.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> You</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> have to get tested for
STDs.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">You don’t have to go to Planned
Parenthood.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">You can do it anonymously. (Google
it.) But the fact is, you’ve been exposed.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">No matter what Josh said about how he always used a condom (did you
ask?), or was careful, you can’t know for sure, (and anyway, condoms aren’t
100%). So make sure you get tested for HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis,
Hepatitis A B and C, Oral and Genital Herpes. You don’t have to go to a doctor
and have a long embarrassing exam, nor do you have to go to a sleazy free
clinic.</span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">You can fill out paperwork
online and then slip in and out of a lab close to where you live, and get the
results by mail or phone.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Next. Your husband needs to get tested for STDs
too. Insist on it. Don’t have sex with him until he tests and
you test and they all come back negative, as I pray they do. If he won’t agree
to test, or gets angry when you ask, it is an indicator of lack of repentance,
and possibly that he hasn’t given up his addiction. If he is repentant he will understand and
agree that is what he needs to do and be willing to do it. Anybody you are counseling with should have
mentioned STD testing for you both first thing.
If they didn’t, they aren’t on the right track.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">So speaking of counseling-</span><span style="font-size: large;">You need to find a good counselor. Not a church based staff
counselor at your church. Not a trusted pastor, not an elder with a counseling
certificate on his office wall. Not an
older woman or couple that you look up to that does marriage counseling in
their home. And above all, not anyone who is related to either one of you. A real honest-to-goodness </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: large;">licensed
professional counselor</span><b style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN" style="line-height: 107%;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: large;">with a degree in
</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: large;">psychology (PhD or PhyD) who </span><span style="font-size: large;">specializes in sexual addictions and
will keep everything you tell them absolutely confidential (as long as you don’t
talk about harming yourself or others or report the molestation of a minor). Pray that God will lead you to the right one. I know this may be way, way out there, and
that you have been told and believed that all counseling should come from church leaders and your spiritual authority,
not someone with a secular education.
Please, I beg you, for your own sake, skip the church based counseling with
pastors. It set us back years and did
great damage. Pastors and church leaders
can definitely be a part of the healing and accountability process, and God can
use them to bring wisdom, but when it comes to sexual addiction you need a
specialist. Just like you wouldn’t go to
a doctor who is general practitioner if you needed heart surgery, you can’t go
to your pastor and get the kind of help you need right now for your very
intense specific need for help with sexual addiction and betrayal on the level
it is present in your marriage. </span><span style="font-size: large;">This professional counselor can
still be a Christian, and in fact should be. </span><span style="font-size: large;">This isn’t for you and Josh to do together, by the way. This is for you. If you want to help him, if you want to be
strong for him and for your children, if you want your marriage to have a
chance, you have to help yourself first. Alone. I remember when I finally got
up the nerve to go with great fear and trembling I told my first counselor “I
have three months to get my issues dealt with,” and he just smiled. It took a couple of years. That’s much more realistic. Seriously, a real counselor can’t even legally
tell people you are coming to see him or her.
It’s a safe place to talk and get perspective. They won’t lead you astray. You are too well grounded for that. But you do need help and this is the kind of
person who can potentially offer that. It’s normal for their quoted price to be
$100-$150 per hour. Don’t let that stop
you from going. You are worth it, and
your marriage is worth it. Most of them offer a sliding scale to pay, and are
very willing to work with you without a lot of financial paperwork. Tell them what you can afford. Josh
should be absolutely willing for it to come out of your family finances. It’s no different than paying a doctor bill
for you after a family car accident left you with fatal injuries. If he doesn’t
want you to go without him, it indicates a problem in his heart, not an indicator
that you are doing something wrong or want to leave him. Remember, you didn’t break his trust, he
broke your trust. </span><span style="font-size: large;">You have many options open to you that I did
not- counseling by phone or Skype, for example. I am not recommending these sites or
organizations specifically, but here are a couple for you to check out. Click around, read their articles and
information, call, ask questions, learn what your options are: </span><span style="font-size: large;">www.comfortchristiancounseling.com and www. drbarbarasteffens.com/safe-passages. </span><span style="font-size: large;">These both offer phone or Skype counseling/coaching sessions and/or support
group that supports the trauma model and do not label you a co-sex addict. The first one offers an online wives support
group. I joined one of those that helped
me immensely as well as attending one in person. They do not tell you to leave
your husband. I know. I was afraid of that too. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You can also do professional marriage
counseling, and will definitely need that as well. Follow the same guidelines in finding a joint
counselor. Consider </span><i style="font-size: x-large;">not</i><span style="font-size: large;"> going to
friends or people in authority you both already know.
You need objective help that is professional and effective and unbiased. You are allowed to decline to talk to someone
you don’t feel comfortable with. You are
allowed to help decide who you and Josh will go see together. Find someone who will back you up if you need
help talking to Josh about this. If he
refuses to get professional counseling, then you carry on and go on seeing
someone for yourself individually until Josh is ready. By the way, that would be a strong indicator
he isn’t repentant and ready to be fully honest.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t listen to any time frames people are
giving you for “healing your marriage”, especially Josh. The truth is, it’s going to take many years
and it depends on Josh’s choices what that looks like. Don’t let anyone pressure you (and don't pressure yourself either) into making promises
or commitments you aren’t ready to make.
Anything or anyone that pressures you or makes you feel guilty right now
is wrong. You shouldn’t be made to feel
guilty for hurting, for talking about your feelings, for reaching out for help,
for being angry. You are the one who has been wronged. You are not the one who caused this wrong. (Yes,
I know you aren’t 100% right all the time.
I’m not saying that.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Find things that help keep you stable and keep
them close. That can be constantly playing
your favorite hymns and praise and worship music, or audio Bible - especially
at night. It can be favorite movies you
watch over and over. It can be a place
you stop in every day for a cup of coffee.
It can be a walk you take. It can
be a trusted friend or friends you call to pray with you day or night. It can be taking a really high potency
B-Complex vitamin daily and keeping some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy (all natural
fast acting anxiety supplement) in your purse.
It can be getting a massage or a pedicure without the kids once a week. Nothing is “too much”. Do whatever it takes not to go crazy. You are investing in healing the most devastating
of wounds. It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty for not being the most
attentive mother right now. Get help
with the kids. As long as your children
are safe and fed it is okay that you are just maintaining and not 100% on top
of everything. Don’t worry about doing school work with them. Videos are fine.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t let people pressure you into forgiving
your husband. Of course you have to
forgive him. But forgiving doesn’t mean
instant trust restoration and everything okay, or everything okay in a few
months. He can be forgiven, but he has to
earn back trust by years of accountability and faithful loving humble behavior,
in private as well as in public. If he
gets resentful when you need time and patience from him in this area, it
indicates he isn’t really repentant, and maybe hasn’t given up his addiction. If
people pressure you about what you are “supposed to do” right now, they aren’t
on the right track either. You need
support, not pressure, and that’s what healthy people truly hearing from God will
give you. Support for you, accountability and boundaries for Josh. No one
should rush you. </span><span style="font-size: large;">And don't rush yourself either.</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Anna, even after you do all of this, I don’t know what will
happen. There are people telling you
that you have to stay with your husband.
There are people telling you that you should leave him. I know you don’t want to lose your marriage,
even after everything that has happened.
I get that. That’s a godly
desire. But the truth is, only God knows how your situation is going to go. And that
revelation is probably going to be one step at a time with you not knowing the
end of the story til you get there. I’m
guessing if your situation is like most, you won’t know what you need to do permanently
for quite a while. It takes a long time
to see if Josh will really change and stay committed to change. This process is going to be a lifetime for
him, not something he does and moves on.
(Common misconception.) There is a lot you can do to set the stage for
your husband’s repentance, accountability and opportunity to change, as well as
moving toward your own healing from betrayal and working on personal issues
that this has brought up. But no matter
what<i> you</i> do, it is still <i>his</i> choice whether he gives up his
addiction or not, and then stays free from it.
If he makes the wrong choice, it
isn’t your fault. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Just like you doing the right things up until now didn't keep this from happening, doing the right things from now on can't give you a guaranteed outcome, only the best opportunity for it to happen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Josh getting caught isn’t the same as him giving up his sin. Please, please hear me. I thought once everything hit the fan and
became public it meant my husband would of course not continue seeing other
women or looking at pornography- it seemed like such a no-brainer to me that
once he had been exposed he would never do any of that again. And of course that is what he told me as well- that now it had all come out he was glad and ready to move on.
<b>But getting caught doesn’t set you
free. </b> It can be the first step. But it isn’t automatic. (I went through a lot of pain to learn that
that truth.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Josh can’t help you heal right now, because he isn’t healthy
himself. You are going to have to turn to
Jesus and trust Him, not your husband.
God is faithful, your husband isn’t. I repeat, Josh getting caught is not the same
as Josh changing and giving up what he got caught doing. Not at all.
I know he thinks it is. But he
has disqualified himself as the spiritual head of your home. In the same way you can’t submit to an
intoxicated husband when he demands the keys to the car to drive you and the
children home, Josh isn’t able to drive your family car right now. And that authority over you and the kids
doesn’t revert back to your parents. Or
his parents. Or your pastor. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I know that doesn’t sound right. Just pray about it. See what God tells you about that. Listen to God each day more than you listen to
people. You are in a very important
window of opportunity- use it wisely.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ll be praying for
you. Seriously praying. Lots of other people are praying for you as
well. We aren’t all out here judging and
thinking badly of you and Josh. Some of
us have been exactly where you are, and we know how it feels. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest condolences.
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Roxanne</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">PS It's going to be okay. I don't know what "okay" will look like for you in the future, but I know God is faithful and He will never leave you or forsake you. That's my ultimate definition of "okay".</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-2687606216406616382015-07-26T22:54:00.001-05:002018-01-21T08:31:45.218-06:00Cutting Versus Healing (Not just for VBACs)<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It only takes five minutes to perform a C-section. Five minutes to cut a woman open, and pull
her baby out of her body. Of course that’s
not counting the prep time, or the delivery of the afterbirth and suturing up
afterwards- that’s another 30-45 minutes.
The physical healing of that incision
will then take weeks, and for some women, months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It takes five minutes to put a permanent scar on a woman she
will carry for the rest of her life, both physically and emotionally. It may have been necessary. It may not have been. But the scar is the same. It doesn’t take much time to mark a woman
with something she will always have with her, inside and out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">In contrast, consider the process of a woman deciding to try
for a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean.
When the woman who has had a C-section gets pregnant again, she may not
want to accept the outdated “once a C-section, always a C-section” saying, which
more and more people are realizing isn’t true or always the safest choice. She will do research, read studies, and find
out that the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) now
states that it is acceptable for women to have a trial of labor after a
C-section and many will be able to give birth vaginally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">That statement does not make it automatic however. The woman now has to find a health care
provider who can support her in this goal of laboring and delivering naturally,
in spite of her scar. Many providers are
not interested. It is, after all, much
easier to schedule a repeat C-Section that will be a convenient date on the calendar and take
five minutes. So women may turn to
midwife based care to meet this goal, and here is often the place she finds a
safe supportive environment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This is where I come in.
Several times a year I get to walk alongside special women in their
journey of attempting a VBAC. My role is
to assist the healing, the “do-it-right-this-time”, the “try-again-for-what-I-want.” I provide the same high quality prenatal
care for VBAC moms as I do for all my pregnant ladies, but the VBAC mamas have
special needs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">As their due date approaches, they will have more
anxiety. Will their bodies work? Will they go into spontaneous labor without
being induced? What if they don’t? What if they get stuck again, at whatever
point they got stuck at before?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Unfortunately they not only have to deal with their own
internal questions, but the external ones coming at them from friends and
relatives and even strangers. What does your doctor say? Is your midwife trained to handle this? You mean she won’t induce you? What if you don’t go into labor on your own? Isn’t
that dangerous to go so far past your due date?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">At this point I become a life coach as much as a
midwife. I expect daily texts and phone
calls. I expect my VBAC clients to go
past their due dates, and to have to discuss each day how we will manage
that. There will be extra sonograms to
make sure baby is doing well, extra chiropractic adjustments to make sure mama
is doing well, extra supplements to buy, extra office visits to evaluate contractions
that will be happening on and off for days before “real” labor sets in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then, at last, labor.
It may be her very first attempt, or just her first attempt since her
surgery, but either way, a big FIRST. I will be there with plenty of encouragement,
extra mama and baby monitoring, reassuring family when needed, and with constant
presence. There will be physical and
emotional hurdles and much need for patience and endurance. We will all invest many hours and much sweat
and probably some tears in reaching the final goal.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">All this effort to get past
something that took five minutes to do. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Years of waiting and thinking and
reliving the past experience, months of research, days of interviewing
providers, more months of pregnancy care, weeks of nail-biting, days and hours
of early labor, more hours of active painful labor…to achieve natural
birth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Past the scar. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">That scar that took someone five
minutes to make.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But that’s how it is in life. It is easy to cause pain. It only takes a minute to cut someone deep,
to speak words or behave in a way that makes a permanent scar on a person's soul. It is much harder to be a part of
healing the scars the pain leaves behind.
And it takes many times longer to heal than it did to get hurt in the
first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s one of the things I enjoy about being a midwife. I like being on the healing
team. As someone who has many scars myself (not the C-Section kind) – I know
how important it is, how necessary if we are to go on living, and go on living
well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And all the time, all the “inconvenience”, all the lost
sleep and personal time on my part as a midwife is worth it in exchange for
being a part of a woman’s healthy healing redemptive experience that will also
stay with her, for the rest of her life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">To me, that's the more valuable skill to offer a woman. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This skill is not exclusive to midwives with VBAC clients,
but what people need all areas of life. Everyone needs someone to be
patient with them when they are anxious, to be longsuffering with them when
they are needy, to speak words of encouragement when they are discouraged, and to
offer hope of a better outcome in the future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Particularly those people who are trying to push past their
scars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: large;">It's a skill all of us can develop. It's a choice to build up instead of tear down, to heal instead of hurt, to fix instead of break, to be patient instead of impatient, to stop and listen instead of being in a hurry. </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Because e</span></o:p><span style="font-size: large;">veryone has scars and everyone needs healing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And m</span><span style="font-size: large;">ost people can push past them, if they just have the right support.</span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-59430389944570232032015-05-30T09:47:00.000-05:002015-05-30T13:28:13.767-05:0021 Days of Grace, plus a lot more<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLLIpD4hwj6QPWqPpY19o8VYDcOuC8kc75_9i_CjIiUreUZz5dmFEcsTgO58wRbxY__-JNxK0tPdZTF03erIjV9mSCJVxTCcrZgcqaXOmdsSgj7ZJvI0CGdGOuvZCLIUOZ_tQI4IlGEzU/s1600/IMG_4132%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLLIpD4hwj6QPWqPpY19o8VYDcOuC8kc75_9i_CjIiUreUZz5dmFEcsTgO58wRbxY__-JNxK0tPdZTF03erIjV9mSCJVxTCcrZgcqaXOmdsSgj7ZJvI0CGdGOuvZCLIUOZ_tQI4IlGEzU/s320/IMG_4132%255B1%255D.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">In two days I’ll be a published author.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The funny thing is, while I have written prolifically all my
life both in jobs and for pleasure, this was not a goal I was actively
pursuing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It’s kind of one of those extra unexpected gifts from God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">We all have things we pray and pray and pray for, and
finally see happen, and that’s cool. Most of us also have things we pray and
pray and pray for that don’t happen, and that’s hard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So getting something you hadn’t been praying for- well, that’s
like getting a dozen roses when it isn’t your birthday or Mother’s Day. You
could say getting published in 21 Days of Grace with a bunch of other cool
authors for me is like getting flowers delivered on an ordinary Monday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It feels redemptive as well.
I find personal significance in the fact that this book is being released
almost to the day of the 7<sup>th</sup> anniversary of my very painful divorce. The Pain Redemption. It started as one of my many blog musings and
ending up developing into a devotional.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">On so many levels, God has indeed redeemed my
pain. The pain of parental rejection has
helped me be a better parent and highly value my relationships with my kids. The pain of spousal betrayal and the shame of
divorce taught me about grace and the importance of extending it to others. The pain of church and ministry conflicts
taught me not to overlook character issues in leadership for the sake of the
work of the ministry, or for the sake of acceptance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">God redeemed the preparation I was doing for the mission
field into job training that allowed me to support my family in work I love
here in the States as a midwife. He
redeemed my time overseas as a missionary into understanding for the issues my
missionary patients face, as well as cultural sensitivity for my international
patients. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And finally, he has redeemed the writing I have done to
process my pain and my journey toward healing into something that will
hopefully be an encouragement to others as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My prayer is as you read each story in 21 Days of Grace, you will be encouraged by the themes of grace and redemption
that are present in them all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgocsdPV9Hm0SRFYyeGHPmXl0wQoLPvbY1WLaZ2znVVsp4PsPqDN2jss64F9OQVyeCJfJbIq0dhslg0-DIZMZ1XzuN7C9c8gN5PFjtXFEQFWqBk0rYPP3YPJnI4L6oiKhyHHMD9IjnmP5s/s1600/IMG_4066.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgocsdPV9Hm0SRFYyeGHPmXl0wQoLPvbY1WLaZ2znVVsp4PsPqDN2jss64F9OQVyeCJfJbIq0dhslg0-DIZMZ1XzuN7C9c8gN5PFjtXFEQFWqBk0rYPP3YPJnI4L6oiKhyHHMD9IjnmP5s/s320/IMG_4066.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Available from Amazon, Walmart.com, Christianbook.com, or BarnsandNoble.com</span></div>
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Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.com0