tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post2285997516835548119..comments2023-04-09T07:04:57.405-05:00Comments on Roxanne's Wild World: Dear Anna Duggar, I've been there. Here's what I learned.Roxannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-63190941084087643482021-05-01T21:25:56.359-05:002021-05-01T21:25:56.359-05:00I just read this again in light of Josh's arre...I just read this again in light of Josh's arrest. It's haunting.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06812518270931915073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-35944452177865858972016-10-17T06:06:09.178-05:002016-10-17T06:06:09.178-05:00If not Anna, perhaps someone just like you. Amazin...If not Anna, perhaps someone just like you. Amazing how God uses our sorrows to help us lose the judgementalism and gain empathy, and we can be the right person at the right time for some one else. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-90383988654162782622016-10-16T21:42:19.583-05:002016-10-16T21:42:19.583-05:00There's a lot of women just like Anna. Unfortu...There's a lot of women just like Anna. Unfortunately the doctrine sets them up to be antagonistic to anyone who dissents with the doctrine or points out its flaws or contradictions. They are programmed to oppose, ignore, cut off contact with - even shun, others who might disturb their 'programing' with concerns or different perspectives - even more balanced doctrine! So if someone well-meaning, perhaps even someone who has sadly been through it, were to address some concerns about the imbalance of power and the potential set up for abuse, there's a type of mental short -circuit that can happen - oh no! This might make me think negatively about my husband! I'll be out of order! And so, the very people who might have been able to warn or support or protect her end up getting cut off, if not by the woman then by her husband or other authority figures. Yes it sounds like a cult but it's quite widespread, you even see this dynamic on the Internet, where the women being controlled and oppressed by that doctrine are the same ones endorsing it, and become quite defensive or just cut off the posters saying, hey that's pretty sexist, or abusive. Sadly, many such women really do love the Lord and want to please them, and their very devotion ends up being used against them as they strive to measure up. Because of that reactive defensiveness, we have to be so gentle when reaching out to those still in that religious 'programing' - and there are millions of them. It really grieves me the way fundamentalism grooms women to be their own captors, of themselves and each other. Often, the ones who break free are considered pariahs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-28233042450078841392016-10-15T06:23:01.879-05:002016-10-15T06:23:01.879-05:00Thanks for your thoughts, I really appreciate them...Thanks for your thoughts, I really appreciate them. My letter was not meant to be formulaic instruction, but more like light on a one step at a time path. I so wish someone had given me some steps to follow, even if I didn't need or want them all. And as far as the birth analogy? A good midwife does indeed let her women find their own power but she also supports them. Some women need help to breathe when they are overwhelmed. My heart was to provide that support, not just for Anna, but for others like her, who were like me. <br /><br />My blog was not meant to say, "do it this way," but to say, "there is a way, you can start here." You cannot imagine the brain fog and depression that sets in at time like this- you practically need a list of steps to get yourself through the day. Get out of bed. Walk to the bathroom. Use the toilet. Wash your hands. Walk to the kitchen. Get out a bowl for the cereal. - I'm not kidding. The reason I wrote steps was in acknowledgement of that reality, not to be legalistic.<br /><br />And finally, you so are right that listening from the heart is the best, way better than any advise, and I'd love to have a chance to listen to Anna, and let her voice her own feelings and support her. Maybe I will someday.Roxannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17615766239849220912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-69752266951587918892016-10-15T03:33:41.346-05:002016-10-15T03:33:41.346-05:00I think one thing to bring into balance is the ten...I think one thing to bring into balance is the tendency we have, when people are going through a hard time, to speak to them prescriptively, to give advice and instructions and a step-by-formula. The journey out of legalism is complex and hard and it casts a long shadow. Legalism, including Christian legalism, is into speaking to people (especially women) in a "here's how to live your life" instructional tone. I am sure that Anna would be familiar with it. I think when you are a "word person" and a natural teacher (*puts up hand*) it can be even harder to move from instructing and advising to truly listening from the heart, with empathy, and allowing people to voice their own narrative and find their own power (which as we know, is the very heart and soul of effective birth work).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-88527773760571418222015-09-10T11:26:58.144-05:002015-09-10T11:26:58.144-05:00Excellent! Thank you! Joining you in prayer for ...Excellent! Thank you! Joining you in prayer for Anna et al!Ginny Bain Allenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08998186529421390538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-73669264123356468032015-08-28T21:21:54.240-05:002015-08-28T21:21:54.240-05:00Good stuffGood stuffDalynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553803562170918993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-67371593319035252642015-08-28T10:25:16.744-05:002015-08-28T10:25:16.744-05:00While Anna may never read this, I hope many other ...While Anna may never read this, I hope many other young wives in similar situations will take it to heart. Great post. Martha A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02426112535240400393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-21303774081853284152015-08-25T22:09:01.848-05:002015-08-25T22:09:01.848-05:00Well said. Well said. KRHarrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05637332658929833160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-59817924253978332342015-08-24T22:05:15.713-05:002015-08-24T22:05:15.713-05:00I could have written the very same words. Thank y...I could have written the very same words. Thank you for so eloquently stating the cries of my heart.Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-18940770659420469382015-08-24T21:01:02.584-05:002015-08-24T21:01:02.584-05:00Spot on. I hope she sees this, it's exactly wh...Spot on. I hope she sees this, it's exactly what I want to tell her. Thank you for voicing it so perfectly.tallmorleyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05865506796935674955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-887530111818728008.post-40832838676754421862015-08-23T19:24:54.479-05:002015-08-23T19:24:54.479-05:00That was sensible and kind, Roxanne, just what is ...That was sensible and kind, Roxanne, just what is needed, I do hope Anna sees it and heeds it. Mrs. Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03844593681874622532noreply@blogger.com